Just a few days ago, Samira saw the legal papers which I had tried to keep away from her since so many years. Samira is my daughter. I had adopted her from an orphanage in 1994. I had gathered a lot of courage before taking this decision. I got married in 1992. My husband Ramesh had to go to the USA for his job just after a few months of our marriage. He was supposed to come back to India within a year. But he had some different plans. After a few months he called me up and told me, he had fallen in love with an English girl and was planning to settle there. So I knew I had to start my life again with a new beginning. This was the main reason, I planned to adopt a child. I couldn’t trust anyone. And living alone was very difficult.
The first time I took Samira in my arms, it felt like heaven. I had never felt so good. She was just 6 months old then. I knew she will change my life. We both were absolutely alone and we needed each other. And that was the moment I had promised myself, I will give Samira all the happiness in life. Many of my family members did not approve my decision but I didn’t care. I was independent enough to take this decision.
Everything was perfect until Samira grew and started to understand things. She kept asking me “Mumma, where is my father?” I neither wanted to lie nor did I want to hide things from her. I kept avoiding this question of hers by telling her “Do you need anyone else when I am there.”
Innocent as she was, she used to get convinced with my answer. But I knew somewhere down the line my daughter was not happy with the answer. She kept talking about her friends’ family members. I knew she wanted to know about her existence and her family. When she was in her late teens she became all the more adamant to know about everything.
I planned to tell her everything on her birthday which was 15th September. But fate had its own way. One day I was not well and I asked her to get my medical file from my cupboard and there she found out the file of adoption. She didn’t tell me the same day about it. She took care of me until I was well. But I could sense that something was wrong with Samira. After I recovered, I asked her about why the glow on her face had disappeared.
She sat beside me and asked me about the orphanage I had brought her from. I was shocked but I knew the time had arrived when I had to tell her everything. I told her everything starting from my marriage till that particular day.
After hearing all this she asked me a simple question “So you adopted me because you needed me? And my real mother left me because she did not need me.”
I felt the sadness in her. I knew how horrible she was feeling. I knew what kind of a feeling was that because I had been through the same when my husband left me for someone else.
I held her hand but she was crying like a baby. She was my baby and I loved her. I tried to explain things to her but she didn’t listen. She locked herself in her room. I thought it would be right to leave her alone for a couple of days. 2 days later she came up to me and asked me “Why am I here? Because you pity me? Or because you need me?”
I went close to her and told her “Samira, I love you and I just can’t stay without you. I need you as much I need to breathe dear and this is true. I won’t disagree with the fact that when I came to the orphanage I needed someone and that was the reason I adopted you. But believe me, the first time I took you in my arms, I started loving you. When you were with me I did not feel the need of anyone not even my parents. Now it’s up to you to decide whether I was wrong, whether I used your life or whether I love you.”
“Mumma, I want to tell you something. When I came to know I was adopted, I didn’t bother to think about that, the first preference was your health. Your health was more important than knowing about my existence. And I have realized that it has not changed my love for you. I have started respecting you all the more. Only one thing, I really wish you had told me all this before me coming across the file. I think you didn’t trust me enough. For me important is the love we have for one another. I love you…I love you a lot.”
“Thanks dear…you are my family and I love you.”, I replied
“It’s better to have a loving family than to have no family at all”
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