“Why, Just because I’m a Woman?”

By Sadhogopal Ram:

Just because I don’t mourn like you,

O’ Untamed World,

You think I have no sorrow and have no grief?

Just because I am a Woman,

Hiding my tears and keeping a smile on my face;

A smile so serene, a smile so quite,

A smile so full of pain, a smile so awfully white,

A smile which is raped

Why, Just because I am a Women?

—–

Here’s the harsh reality. A woman in our “self-centred, orthodox-ion and full of jungle laws”, which we so fondly call “society”, is like a tool. Tool of mass pleasure, of nationwide teasing, of taking the nation on top of the chart by increasing the already uncontrolled population, and if she is married, then she becomes the ultimate tool of household cleansing and a toy carved out of card-box, which then is being used by the members of the family as per their requirements.

About woman, one thinks that one can ‘make use’ of her has one wishes to. And the sad part is that, they actually are also able to do so. Therefore, several hundred thousand women trapped in our “orthodox-ion jungle” are forced to endure atrocities of several kinds, and that too, on a daily-wages like basis.

Now atrocity, as per the definition of dictionaries, is ‘the quality or state of being atrocious’ in other terms ‘an extremely cruel act or a horrid act of injustice.’

Some might say that this basically falls into the physical torture ‘category’ and to prove themselves right they will dig up stats and arguments in favour of it from long dead books and Vedas, [even though women enjoyed equal rights in the Vedic period] though I personally have serious problems with such kind of people and thus, I also possess an extreme form of hatred for these people who also like to call themselves the “follower/builder of real society.”

But that’s not the main issue what this ‘critique’ talks about. The issue here is that there’s no ‘category’ for any crime which is being executed against the women in this “orthodox-ion jungle” of ours and atrocity, too, is not just limited to the definition so profoundly provided by the man-made dictionaries. [read here about atrocities on women in Jharkhand's Dhanbad city]

Now, I will not further argue or write anything what I personally think about it, but will share a real story and let you people decide if what she is forced to endure should be termed as atrocity or just another act of some random violence defined by the books and Vedas.

Sunita is a 22 year old woman (though at this age she should basically be called a girl but as she got married about a year ago and is now on the verge of having her first child, so the ‘tag’ woman suits her best). She lives in a small village in Bihar state.

She was 12, when her mother was killed by their own blood relatives over property issues and she became the object of pity for everyone around her. And losing her mother at such small age, left her devoid of right guidance in her life, but before anything worse could happen, her late mother’s mother (maternal grandmother) came to her rescue and adopted her, because after 4 years of her mother’s death, her father, who was the Mukhiya of the village, was also killed over political issues.
The loss of both her parents made her extremely weak from inside but, she for reasons best known to her, never showed any signs of it nor did she complain about life being unfair to her. Her granny, the one who adopted her, got her enrolled at Saraswati Shishu Mandir, a school part of the school groups run by the RSS, so that she could at least have an education every girl requires for her own betterment in our society.

After she completed her board exams with relatively good results, she was forced by other members of that family to sit at home to which she now belonged, though it was done only by considering the raising rate of rape cases happening around the village and so she didn’t argue with them over the issue, but she continued to study on her own. Gaining whatever knowledge that she could get from used books, she found at the house.

4 years went by; she learned and mastered many tasks which would help her in later part of her life, tasks like – Computing, Stitching, Weaving, and Cooking, embroidering, Painting and many other such things. These things helped her keep herself busy in her rather empty life and so, she often found her lost happiness whenever she indulged herself in them.

But in these 4 years, she had also grown up, signs of girlhood were splattered all over her, and thus, proposals of marriages started coming up. She kept rejecting them one by one (a very rare phenomenon in the life of a women in our society) as she wanted more out of life, she deeply wanted to study in college for higher education but this was not in her hands.

After almost rejecting dozens of marriage proposals for several reasons, she finally agreed to the one which came in the year 2008. The guy was very rich businessmen and was good looking too. She liked him at first sight itself and so decided to break her chain of rejection. The family too, was glad that finally their girl has agreed to settle down and now will have her own family.

After about a week, she got engaged and after a year, in the end of 2009 she got married to Amit. And just like it was supposed to seem, everything indeed seemed perfect at the start. She was showered with all kinds of gifts and was fed her favourite dishes. But, but… the term ‘perfectness’  actually is a myth, and this she found out when she lost her Granny, who passed away peacefully, a month after. Now when she was once again an orphan, with basically on one to ask for her from her maternal-side of the family, Sunita’s mother-in-law started showing her true colours.

But Sunita, at first, did not think otherwise, as she was previously taught by her granny that, after a girl gets married she has to listen to what her mother-in-law says. But when she realised that her keeping silent over no fault of hers will eventually lead to bigger problems, she, being an outspoken girl, started voicing out her displeasures.

Now the main thing:

As of today, she is in her 7 month of pregnancy and her health has also fallen down due to continuous household work that she has to do in absence of a maid, which her mother-in-law refuses to keep. Her part of argument is that –

“If I’ve to hire a maid to do my household work then why did I marry my son to this girl?”
Last I heard about Sunita’s condition, she is burning with fever, her legs are swollen, she has cough and her eye sight has gone extremely weak due to negligence of her current family, yet she is forced to cook for the entire family, feed them one by one in their separate rooms, clean the utensils, wash their clothes, and do other such numerable tasks.

Why?

Well, her mother-in-law won’t do it, saying –

“I’ve done enough, and if I continue to do the work, why did I marry my son to this girl?”

As a result, Sunita has gone into the saddest state of her life, not knowing what to do and how to do it, though unlike other women who face similar situations in their own lives, she keeps raising her voice but with time her courage is giving up. The atrocities (yes, there’s no other words which could define this act of treatment) have finally taken a toll over her and she, just like what other women say, says –

“It doesn’t matter now, it’s all part of my life and I’ll have to live with it.”

I, therefore, would not say anything on this issue. You all are the best judge, after all YOU have built this “Jungle” where insensitive animals dwell, and so YOU only will make it a place where, though still animals, but at least the sensible ones will dwell.

—–

Author’s Note: Due to reasons, the names of the persons and places have been changed to keep the real identities secret. I, though, would like to know your views and ways to tackle such menace which has engulfed our “society.”

The writer is a correspondent of Youth Ki Awaaz.

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11 Responses

  1. mathew

    u knw wats th worst thing….
    wen u depend so much on th king of th kingdom… u literally get attracted to him…
    but if that same king showz his back to u…. u hav no other go dan forcing urself to get attracted to him..!!…

    even tho women stands head to head wit th men today.. its very rare wen they get justice on wat they do..!! esspecially th teenage gals..!!… wen their dads compare dem with the boy of the house..!!….
    wats der to compare dem ha…..nothin..!!..al thats different is dat dey dont look alive…!!..gal has th same blood of th boy… den y discriminating .!!!
    its jst become a shame 4 me to say dat “india is independent”…”democratic”… i would rather be a slave dan to c a women suffer..!!!..plz..!! “understand th value of being human..!!..”

    Reply
    • Sadhogopal Ram

      Very well said, Mathew. At the end of the day, from the beginning, we are but human, nothing but human and we must understand, as you said, this.

      Thank you for your comment.

      Reply
      • mathew

        u knw wat i think…!! v shud constantly advertise on this problems..!! thats one way ppl wil get to knw abut it u knw.!! wat do u say.??

      • Sadhogopal Ram

        Advertise might not be the right word, but educate, yes, IF only we can break the orthodox thinking by educating the people throughout the country, I know this is a huge task but someone has to take the leap, then only problems as such can be tackled, Mathew.

  2. Tanaya

    i feel this is not the story of just one girl….dis one has encapsulated lot others out there….
    i dont noe how can we help each one of them….but while i was reading, a thing came into my mind….in many places women like these work as part time maids in houses of ppl who r capable of hiring dem….i wont say that all of them are workin against there wish but yes a few of them are….they are sent to earn money for the family no matter what….if the ppl she is wokin fr ask hr to tk a leave while she is pregnant, she will prefer to ignore all hr pains and wrk rather than goin bk home to be the target of all verbal miseries and sometimes more than that….
    now we being aware of the actual story can help women like these….we can actualy go and talk to there families and try putting in some sense….the first step will have to be taken by us….coz it only in the rare cases where sufferers try raising their voice….

    Reply
    • Sadhogopal Ram

      Yes, Tanaya, as you said.. the first step must be taken by ‘us’ .. because if we don’t then no body will.. I came to know about this story.. I raised my voice.. the girl also got courage and she refused to do any household work.. now they have hired a wiling maid.

      But if only every woman, who suffers such atrocities, start voicing out their displeasures then only this can be eradicated .. otherwise.. you and I, no matter what, won’t be able to do anything.

      Thank you for you time.

      Reply
  3. Atiya

    Do you really think that this story represents the plight of women in our country?
    You have seen and heard nothing then, my friend.

    Reply
    • Sadhogopal Ram

      Dear Atiya,

      I know this small story do not completely represent the agony that woman in our society has to go through.. but it’s completely wrong to say.. I’ve seen and heard nothing, but I don’t blame you.. You see, “small issues” as such when ignored become “big” and if you take notice of their plight then.. than what’s the use of it. I just highlighted a small problem that most of the married woman in our society has to go through..

      I’ve previously written on crimes against woman.. one of those article’s link is given in this article.

      Reply
  4. Arijit

    What about the husband? Is he a retard? Can’t he see that she is bearing their child? What the hell is wrong with him exactly?

    Reply