Definitely, Maybe… The Decisions You Make

Posted on March 30, 2011 in Specials

 

By Sonali Jain:

Decision making is tough. And it is tougher when you are to decide upon something that affects others’ life as well. Sometimes in life there comes a time when you have to decide between what is correct and what makes you happy; between what should be done and what you want to do. A time when you have been hearing the so-called “right” decision or the permanent long-term clutter-less HAPPY lives for both your beloved and yourself upon following the “right” decision.

It is hard to decide what should be your next step; equally hard, or probably harder, is the acknowledgement of the fact that your decision at that particular single moment will affect all the moments that follow it. More often than not you end up doing what you think is correct. This choice, no matter how profoundly thought of and analyzed for its consequences, still leaves that guilty scar on your heart because the immediate gloom on your beloved’s face haunts you forever.

This guilt, no matter how determinedly one tries, one can never get rid of. And to add to the perplexity is the feeling when your mind seems to suppress that inner guilt of your heart by fake hope – the same false hope and anticipation that tries to convince your heart that the right thing is in fact the very same thing that you had wanted and that someday, some particular fortunate day, you shall be proud of the step you took so long aback.

But days come and days go, with each day making you realize that sometimes happiness and inner self-satisfaction outweigh the principles. Each morning you wake up only more convinced that when you had sacrificed your happiness, you actually sacrificed a part of your soul; and this leaves the heart with a hole so wide, so deep, that each passing day you have to fight with your conscience over that one “correct” decision you took, and these regular battles with your own self leave you highly depressed, sadistic and miserable. Sometimes, this despondence expresses itself subtly on the outside, but mostly it bugs you deep inside, where you experience nothing but utter hollowness. Darkness. Helplessness.

The confidence of doing what you thought was definitely correct, starts changing into doubts of maybe. The initial intentions of doing well for others and yourself by following the righteous path seem so bland that you start to hate yourself, abhor yourself. The existence or rather the word “life” loses its very meaning. And the worst part of the fiasco is that you know you can’t reverse the decision, and even if in some lucky cases you do get a chance to undo your decision and choose the other path, things are not the same as they had been earlier. Your life has been altered.

You have lost your chance to happiness, the chance of your beloved’ happiness. Because when you’re happy, only then you can make the people around you elated too. Slowly, steadily you realize that certain things are meant to be above and higher than the wide-spread notion of correctness. Each day’s sunset reinforces the belief in you that the right thing may not always be the way to go. In Robert Frost’s lines, “I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Mind will always show you what most people think is correct, but your heart shall always desire what you feel leads to cheer. So once in a while, give your mind a break. Let your hair down. Let life dance to your heart’s tune. Life is all about trials and tribulations. We are not expected to do the right thing always. Sometimes it’s better to lean back and be a little selfish for your happiness’ sake. And simply experience. Love. Laugh. Learn. LIVE.

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