To-Do List Of Arvind Kejriwal (A Satire)

Posted on October 22, 2012 in Specials

By Neelima Ravindran:

Arvind Kejriwal is a very busy man. Ever since his restoration of electric power to the households of Delhi, he has been flooded with petitions from the tormented souls from various parts of the country citing their issues which needs immediate attention and that which have been ignored by the government for too long a time. Kejriwal decided to share some of the concerns with us promising that he will look into it and do the needful as soon as possible.

Many petitions were received from viewers of a popular news channel which demanded that Kejriwal do the necessary to tape shut the mouth of Arnab Goswami once he has finished asking a question. There are reports of high occurrences of migraine and acute irritation that starts from the toe and spreads to the rest of the body among the viewers as they try their level best to hear the guests speak without being interrupted again and again…and again by the host of the show. Kejriwal is in talks with the bright students of IIT who are developing a robot which would clasp the mouth of Mr. Goswami while his guests speak.

The cricket commentary lovers association has implored to team Kejriwal to promptly do something to increase the vocabulary of Ravi Shastri in his commentary sessions. The cricket loving millions are tired of hearing “just what the doctor ordered” and “gone to the boundary like a bullet” every innings every match ever since he has started doing commentary, that as a last resort, they have appealed to Mr. Kejriwal to help the millions of agonizing cricket lovers of this country in any way possible.

Staying with cricket, Kejriwal also showed us an angry letter that he received from Danny Morrison. Mr. Morrisson is shocked and furious that Kejriwal overtook him in the number of times ‘DLF’ was used on national television. And with DLF withdrawing the sponsorship of IPL there is no way he could wrestle the record back. “I even said it with so much passion and sincerity” wrote an emotionally distraught Morrisson.

The non profitable organization of “a few people who actually listen to President” has urged Kejriwal to take immediate action on President Pranab’s accent. Five of the members have already quit in desperation and many others have already given up on understanding what the President says. “How would he and Romney communicate” asked a visibly shaken member of the organization. Kejriwal thinks that it would be easier to take classes to the people that teach Pranab da. He has already delegated this to Derek O’Brien who when contacted said that as a pre requisite for the first lesson he has send them CD’s of Mamata’s speech.

AML or Association of Mango Lovers has written to the team thanking them for giving their favourite fruit a huge boost that its ripples are being felt all across the nation. The sales for mango juice have steeply increased as has the export for this king of fruits. They have requested Mr. Kejriwal to keep using the fruit’s name in the future too for the benefit of not just the mango lovers but also the farmers of this particular fruit. Kejriwal confessed that he was slightly hurt that it was Mr. Vadra and not him that received a note of appreciation from the Association of Banana Lovers (ABL).

Kejriwal also spilled the fact that he has received mails from politicians across party spectrum detailing their unaccounted money and scams that they were part of pleading him to name them in a press conference. “Are we not important enough for you to name us or do you consider only those associated with the Gandhi family” many politicians have asked in indignation. He is currently appointed 10,000 workers to scrutinize through the information he has received, the largest one-time appointment of people to any sector.

Kejriwal also showed us 545 cards he received with Delhi postmark that said “Welcome to dirty politics!”

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