“Oh No! We Were Waiting For It”: Top 10 Things That Should Have Happened (But Didn’t) In 2012

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By Kritika Pramod Kulshrestha:

As 2012 draws to a close, I look back on a year that has had its own fair share of controversies, scandals, and wars. Across the globe and in India too, people suffered and conquered. The suffering isn’t over and the fight is still on. But I will share with you a list of my top ten things that could and should have happened during the year but unfortunately didn’t.

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1. Vijay Mallya Pays Back in Gold

The United Breweries chief and doomed-Kingfisher Airlines owner, Vijay Mallya has had a tough year, with him being deeply stuck in a quagmire of financial difficulties. Kingfisher Airlines has been grounded since October, 2012 after Kingfisher employees went on a strike. Their outrage was justified; they had not been paid their salaries since three months. Well, Mr. Vijay Mallya was certainly doing something to alleviate the problems of his staff and control their ire. He was praying for them with utmost sincerity. He donated rupees 80 lakhs worth of gold-plated doors to a temple in Karnataka and went one step further by offering gold bricks weighing 3 kgs at the Lord Venkateswara shrine to celebrate his 58th birthday. Ideally, Mr. Vijay Mallya should have donated a few gold bricks to his angered pilots and airline crew or he should have sold two of his luxury yachts or villas. Even if Lord Venkateswara did not bless him, his employees would most certainly have done so. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

2. Stricter Gun Laws in the U.S.

With gun rampages being so very common in the U.S. (Blood-boiling anger rises within me as I’m reminded of the mass shootings at Virginia Tech, the Aurora theatre in Colorado, the Sikh temple in Wisconsin, and Sandy Hook Elementary School, the latest in the killing-spree), I strongly believed that the Obama administration would seriously consider revamping the gun ownership laws. But with politics and the National Rifle Association sharing close ties, there was only lingering hope that has now faded away. It seems that more people die in the U.S. from gun attacks than from heart disease, which happens to be the number one cause of death there.

3. Nab the Rapist, Severe Punishment

New Delhi is now officially the rape capital of India. What a shame! With over 600 rapes last year and 600 more this year, by now the Indian government should have taken a decision on capital punishment for the guilty rapists. 2012 was the year to make that life-changing decision. What I would have wanted to happen, is a gang of girls summing up the courage to castrate the rapist.

4. Berlusconi’s Sex Drive to End

Famously notorious for hosting “bunga-bunga” sex parties and paying minor escorts for sex, former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi should have been lamenting his lack of libido at the age of seventy-six but instead he is rearing to go. In a “steady relationship” with a 27-year old, it’s a surprise that Berlusconi, after all his “sex-capades”, still has the stamina to return as prime minister for a fourth term.

5. No Blast? Now that’s a surprise!

2012 would have continued to remain a bomb blast-free year had August 1st not happened. Unfortunately, there were four low-intensity blasts on a busy street in Pune. Yet again, our police force was left dumb-founded as to the reason for the attack.

6. Rajat Gupta should have been in India

Why oh why did Rajat Gupta have to indulge in insider trading in the U.S. where the dispensation of justice is so quick that he ends up spending the next two years in prison? He should have been in India, where justice is served years later or never at all; where passing on stock tips is not even a real crime. I now realize that the Managing Director of McKinsey and Company was not so far-thinking after all.

7. A Hospital bed for Anna Hazare

Leading the anti-corruption movement in India since 2011, Anna Hazare, is a savvy man. He knows how to get his way. It’s a simple strategy really. If things do not go your way then fast; go on a hunger-strike. If the acidity and stress overtakes your body then surely you can get admitted in a hospital, ending up on the front page of all the newspapers in the country. By now the Indian government should have booked a permanent hospital bed for Anna Hazare in one of Delhi’s hospitals. It’s sad really that the government does not help a social activist who is doing so much for a nation, while suffering from acidity.

8. Here comes Manmohan Singh in a Red Turban!

December 31st, 2012 is here and I still haven’t seen Manmohan Singh without his favourite light-blue turban. I do hope that 2013 brings with it a new collection of turbans for our dear P.M.

9. Schemes to boost population growth in Syria and Iraq

It gives us sadistic pleasure to subject other human beings to violence. We love to create wars. We should no longer worry about the burgeoning world population. Governments in Syria and Iraq should seriously consider boosting population growth in their respective countries. With so many hundreds dying each day in a senseless and futile war, a family planning scheme should have been implemented during the year.

10. Hina Rabbani Khar buys a new Hermes bag

Pakistan’s Foreign Minister doesn’t have much to do in a country where a child activist is shot at point-blank range and a terrorist organization seems to call all the shots (pun intended). Why didn’t she buy herself another Hermes bag or a new stylish outfit? This would have at least given her something worthwhile to do.

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1 comment

  1. A good piece and a perfect satire on our PM man ke mohan Dr. Manmohan Singh ji, who has done nothing more than tie a perfect turban all year

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