“I Have Sexual Desires And I Am Not A Slut”

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Submitted anonymously:

We live in a world today where people still feel shy to go buy a condom, where a woman has to think a thousand times before freely buying a contraceptive pill, where if you get pregnant and you’re not married you’ll have to run to another city to get an abortion or “people” might find out.

People might find out you’re sexually active, that you chose to have sex with a man and even worse, you chose to have sexual desires while you were unmarried. Come on! You’re a woman! You’re not allowed to think like that! All those men walking around flaunting the number of women they’ve been with, is fine, that’s acceptable, they’re men, sex is their thing! But you, woman, having any inclination towards accepting your sexual desires is not right.

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We live in a world today that’s talking about gender equality, sexual education, the fight against AIDS, but this is the same world that denies a woman the right to “want” sex, to express her desires, her wants. It’s a man’s world where porn objectifies women, where we are led to believe by our society, by every other person around us that sex isn’t for a woman’s pleasure, it’s something that satisfies a man and a woman gives into, if not by pressure then just to please the man. Look around and you’ll find a billion examples of this.

How did a woman’s sexual needs become desperation and a man’s their birthright?

I want to live in a world where its fine for me to want an orgasm, I want to live in a world where I can sit on a table with men and women and discuss my sex life if I want to, I want to live in a world where how many men is it okay to sleep with is my prerogative and not anyone else’s’, I want to live in a world where I can carry a condom and ask him if he’ll come home with me.

And no, this does not mean I’m a slut, neither does it make me someone who will sleep with just anybody. I want to live in a world where sex isn’t a power game, where it isn’t about making a man feel happy, where it isn’t an activity that makes him ejaculate. I want to live in a world where I can enjoy sex and say it in just those many words.

I want to live in a world where I have sexual freedom. Do you?

Photo Credit: kelsey_lovefusionphoto via Compfight cc

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53 comments

  1. Siddhi

    It doesn’t really matter if the author rights his/her name!!! the message frm the article is pretty clear, everyone would agree but when it comes to appling in rreal life India has a long way to go. The culture has set these remarks which of course i’m in opposition to. Even the court judgement on being homosexual adds to the list.
    Women on oneside are considered to be the analogy for godess Lakshmi and on the other side are dominated and harassed by the men. Having sexual desires is such a matter of being a normal human according to me evn the last months research paper says that drosophila melanogaster’s life span decreses on being kept away from the mate. These are considered to be the model organisms for genetics and other studies, so we must correlate!!??

  2. tyson

    * I agree that, both men and women should have sexual freedom.
    * I know that at this point there is less hope for this. But if you and I teach our future children and grand children about SEX and its ETHICS properly, then we can achieve sexual freedom and equality.
    * While enjoying your sexual freedom don’t forget to respect the people who follow the traditional way. Try to avoid sexual expression like kissing in public, because it may hurt feelings people who are not lucky.

    • I do not wish to make this sound offensive. But I would like to ask why would someone be affected or hurt if they someone kissing in public? Isn’t it an expression of love?

      • tyson

        yes its an expression of love.
        But when one sees two people Kissing in public the following thing can happen:
        it can make some feel happy.
        it make some people jealous.
        it make some people sad.
        it make some people uncomfortable (especially elders)
        and for some it will be erotic.

        In western world its a normal for someone to kiss in public because they are seeing this from their childhood. they see their parents kiss and know that its an expression of love, they see two people kiss and know that its an expression of love. they see a groom and bride kiss as an start of new life as a couple in love.

        But in our India we see kiss only in movies, here we express our love be holding hands, hugging.
        we are still in a process of adapting the KISS concept.

        • Well I guess then there should be a lot more hugging, and holding hands, and kissing should steadily increase :)

  3. There is absolutely no doubt that the woman has every right in her freedom of physical expressions. The society has been all warped towards this and has created a situation which needs more than constant urging for greater acceptance and a holistic transformation.

    Women have to have equal participation in everything – I MEAN EVERYTHING !!

    Cheers

  4. If you replaced ‘woman’ with ‘gay man’ in this article , it still rings true
    Gay men are also frowned for desiring sex from men , shamed for their sexuality and forced to keep it quiet just like women

    • I don’t know why my above comment got -1 ?
      gay men are so liberated . haha sarcasm

  5. Akash Chopra

    ballss….sex sex sex..

  6. ranveer

    Sexual freedom.
    For women.

    I can just about imagine the look on the faces of many everyday people. And the fact is, there is a very big divide. Between what has been said here and what happens around.

    The only way out seems to shock the so called keepers of tradition and culture to the point where even violence cant really shut anyone up. And even then the shock value has to be kept above board, where fingers can’t be pointed nor can the focus shifted.

    Very well written, and for those who think being anonymous is same as being cowardly, well, mark twain and his quote come to mind.

    “Better to keep quiet and appear a simpleton than to talk and remove all doubt.”
    ;)

  7. Really? Are you sure that you do? I am a regular reader at Youth ki Awaaz and most of the writers do mention their name at the end of article.After venting out everything, You did not have the audacity to address yourself ,your identity/at least your name in the article.Please do not write such things for the sake of writing.Do not point others when you have a coward inside you .Do not use writing to make your self feel better but come up with something which you actually believe in.

    • Remaining anonymous is not the same as being a coward. Famous women authors have wrote under pen names for centuries now. What she has written isn’t for the sake of writing, its a very deep, important, and an issue of immediate concern.

    • Anannya Chatterjee

      What if she does? Its similar to blamimg feminism about being double-standard because the term has the prefix “femin” here. As a teacher, aren’t you being judgemental? And anyway, who gives you the basic right to call her a coward anyway? She has put forward an issue most of us don’t speak about. How is that cowardice in any angle? Just because she hasnt put her name, doesn’t mean she doesnt believe the same. Maybe she does. Maybe she didn’t put her name for some other purpose..who knows? If the article stirs up something inside you, believe me, the author’s work is commendable. Only when a person believes in a something, is he/she able to make others feel about the same. Did the article make you feel? Bingo. You got your answer.

  8. kkamu

    A good article. nicely written.
    Women should be treated equally with men and should have equal rights. But our society dont allow us. Is it only because of men? I don’t think so…. Most of readers thinks (which may be true) that men dont like to be treated equally with women. I am not agree on this. But i am agree that women should be treated at par with men and should have independence to take her decisions.
    Readers comments are healthy and nice to know other’s views.

  9. Society’s shackles – it’s not just women, even young men who have been raised in an average indian family with “sanskaars” or “culture” are afraid to be free about their sexual desires. This is how “progressive” our thinking is today. Forget having the sex talk with growing teenagers, today’s parents/adult generation frowns upon anybody – be it 21 and above, even slightly expressing that they might have some testosterone. I am sorry to say, but with this kind of a social setup I would gladly leave the country and congratulate anyone who wants to move out to places offering a more wholesome development of career and personality. Perfect analogy to the Catholic church which controls Christians by putting the fear of the Lord in them. How different are we? The older generations just use the “sanskaars” and so called moral codes of behavior to keep the coming generations under their control. So much for a free and developing nation … Cheers!

  10. How many of our own gender actually come out with this? Most of our own betray us. If a boy calls a girl a slut based on any of these points, there will be gaggle of stupid girls backing them or pre-empting the same thoughts. Imagine if instead of backing down or agreeing to that bias, every girl spoke up saying, “and who died and made you the f****ing moral police?” Would he not shut up or atleast think before he retaliates the next time? That’s the day we will have sexual freedom, not when society wakes up, but when we as females wake up and stand together as sisters.

    • Anannya Chatterjee

      This was so appropriate. Thank you so much for this briliantly expressed reply. I just got a push forward to become a better person than what I am now. Again, thank you. :)

  11. Mao

    What is wrong with people here. .. All the author is trying to say is just because a woman wants sexual freedom that doesn’t make her a slut or easy. The audience doesn’t understand English or chooses to deliberately skid off topic (poverty, inability to buy pencils? ?? We aren’t discussing that in the article) and about why she doesn’t disclose her name in the article is because she chooses not to.

    • Akshat Seth

      लाल सलाम कामरेड !!!!

  12. Mao

    What is wrong with people here. .. All the author is trying to say is just because a woman wants asexual freedom that didn’t make her a slut or easy. The audience doesn’t understand English or chooses to deliberately of topic (poverty, inability to buy pencils? ?? We aren’t discussing that in the article), I can’t tell. …and about why she doesn’t disclose her nane is because she chooses not to.

  13. Harshita

    These comments disgust me.

    At the base of each one of them lies stigma, and an unwillingness, explicit or implicit, to recognize women as sexual individuals.

    As for Amit for peace, sir, you’re a political science student, yet you fail to recognize the importance of an individual of a society. Buddhism says that society is created by human beings, and thus is alterable through human action. We create, we change. It is at our liberty. The “because society says so” is the WORST argument you can provide right after “Morality”. Morality and society, they are subjective entities that change, should be changed. Spitting in public isn’t exactly right, is it? So would it be so terrible for us to change that? Gay marriage was illegal till 2009, we changed them. Gave a section of our society the basic right to marriage. We changed for the better.

    So I’m a woman, tomorrow I may want to have sex with a man who I’m not married to, or hell, not even in a relationship with. That does not make me some sort of a mindless person who will go on to commit adultery (although here i can go and say, if the couple is ok with sex outside marriage who are we to object). I do not turn barbaric and mindless because i fulfill my cravings. Sex is a part of my being, my sexuality is my right.

    And as for Vivek, you smart person, the author is not saying there isn’t poverty. Do we neglect other rights and liberties because of poverty? Are those to mutually exclusive? Just because I campaign to let women have sexual liberty, I say, oh let us have the rest of the country stinking with poverty and desolation? How is that even relevant? I might just have orgasms one night then wake up and draft a law for compulsory minimum wage, sir. Let us not be so smart here, really.

    • vikrant

      Harshita, wat u said was commendable .. Ppl r poor in their thoughts and I really believe society is like water which shud flow and NT b stagnant .

  14. vivek

    -
    -10

    जिस्म की भूख, जिस्म की भूख,— चिल्लाते हो तुम, क्युकि शायद तुमने अभी पेट की भूख के सन्नाटे को सुना नहीं है
    you wanna talk freely about buying condoms and contraceptives… there are people on this planet who don’t have the luxary of buying pen, pencil and copy… even heard of them my dear friend ?
    You wanna talk about sex education, adultery and multiple partners …..I think talking about female foeticide, child mortality, malnutrition, dowry and inter-cast marriage is more interesting….
    You go to these fancy food plazas n struggle to dig out the most delicious and calorie free items from them menu, oh friend, there are people in this world who struggle to get even one meal a day….. Have u ever read about them ?
    You want to sit on a table with men and women and discuss your sex life… the orgasm which u r talking about is lowest form of orgasm… I think discussing poverty, progress and prosperity is highly orgasmic….. Have u ever experienced that ?
    You want as much as freedom as your so called “men” possess….plz don’t ask for it…. They are the ugliest creature of this planet… you guyz are far better, beautiful, simple and stronger than them…. and there are chances that when you will achieve that so called freedom, u will become as ugly as they are right now…. I don’t think it’s a Good deal 
    jism ki bhookh, jism ki bhookh— chillate ho tum, kyuki shayad tumne abhi pet ki bhookh k sannnate ko suna nahi hai…
    I think u r suffering from a disorder called impotent intelligentia…….have you ever had a post-mortem of your conscience?
    P.S.- sorry, I cudn’t resist coz my urge is far more deeper than your’s..

    • Harshita

      These comments disgust me.

      At the base of each one of them lies stigma, and an unwillingness, explicit or implicit, to recognize women as sexual individuals.

      As for Amit for peace, sir, you’re a political science student, yet you fail to recognize the importance of an individual of a society. Buddhism says that society is created by human beings, and thus is alterable through human action. We create, we change. It is at our liberty. The “because society says so” is the WORST argument you can provide right after “Morality”. Morality and society, they are subjective entities that change, should be changed. Spitting in public isn’t exactly right, is it? So would it be so terrible for us to change that? Gay marriage was illegal till 2009, we changed them. Gave a section of our society the basic right to marriage. We changed for the better.

      So I’m a woman, tomorrow I may want to have sex with a man who I’m not married to, or hell, not even in a relationship with. That does not make me some sort of a mindless person who will go on to commit adultery (although here i can go and say, if the couple is ok with sex outside marriage who are we to object). I do not turn barbaric and mindless because i fulfill my cravings. Sex is a part of my being, my sexuality is my right.

      And as for Vivek, you smart person, the author is not saying there isn’t poverty. Do we neglect other rights and liberties because of poverty? Are those to mutually exclusive? Just because I campaign to let women have sexual liberty, I say, oh let us have the rest of the country stinking with poverty and desolation? How is that even relevant? I might just have orgasms one night then wake up and draft a law for compulsory minimum wage, sir. Let us not be so smart here, really.

    • I think you are suffering from a with the most common disorder of this country,making a non-sense statement to come out as a hero.Dude this is a wrong place to agitate regarding the matters of poverty,progress etc.And that punch you came out with are the most inappropriate and lamest lines i have ever come across.Stop being such a snob and try to digest the fact that freedom of thoughts and actions is above everything today.

    • You remind me of one of those men who say women are stronger, more patient and blah blah blah, you know why? Because they don’t want any responsibilty. When a child does something wrong, “kya sikhaya hoga iski maa ne ise”, “iski maa ko mar to gayi hogi dekh ke kaisi aulad paida ki hai”.
      You are also one of those men, who will always compare to things that are not as good, for you the comparison is always downscale. God forbid if someone compares themselves to a person with better facilities to make a point of how we should aspire to become better. God forbid if now parents or teachers compare their children’s marks with with toppers.
      And if men are so ugly, on the inside or outside, more reason not to listen to your twisted, bias statements.
      And as for your urge being deeper, its pretty much impossible. Women are a lot more sexual than men.

    • Akshat Seth

      भाई देखो ऐसा है कि यहाँ बहुत चिल्ला-चौड मचाकर अगर आप ये दिखाने की कोशिश कर रहे हैं कि आपने ही सारे संसार के दुखो का बीड़ा उठाया है और अगर कोई यहाँ आकर अपने Personal Desires जो कि इस परम्परावादी समाज द्वारा हमेशा ‘पाप’ कहे जाते हैं के बारे में कुछ कहता है तो वो स्वार्थी है और आप रजा हरीश्चन्द्र तो इस भ्रम को तोड़ डालें, समाज सेवा करने में ज्यादा मदद मिलेगी….
      आप यहाँ चिल्ला रहे हैं ‘जिस्म की भूख’ आदि,आदि तो मैं आपको ये बड़ी विनम्रता से सूचित कर दू कि भले ही आप खुद को ब्रम्हचारी मानते हो पर बाकी लोग न तो महाराज मनु हैं न दुर्वासा ऋषि कि जो आपके बताये मार्ग पर न चलकर घोर पाप कर रहे हैं.
      Let me tell you one thing more….since you have raised the issue of collective good vis-a-vis the individual good then let me tell you that being a leftist myself I not only agree with the fact that you need to fight the self-centered attitudes and raise your voice against the fate of the poor but also raise the issue of individual freedom….समझो मेरे दोस्त, मुआमला जिस्म की भूख का नहीं बल्कि एक औरत के अधिकार का है, और जिस्म की ये भूख कोई पाप नहीं है जैसा तुम्हे लग रहा है….इसी भूख के नतीजे में एक नयी ज़िन्दगी ज़मीन पर उतर आती है मेरे दोस्त….
      Although I won’t say that your Intelligence suffers from ‘impotency’ as you alleged about the author but allow me to say that your outlook is noble but misguided. It’s a question of personal freedom my friend. I hope you will understand.

    • Akshat Seth

      वैसे विवेक….जानकार अच्छा लगा कि तुम आदर्शवादी हो पर मेरे प्यारे दोस्त, आदर्शवाद अगर दूसरो को उपदेश देने और उनकी इच्छाओं का सम्मान न कर पाने तक सीमित रह जाता है तो कितनी भी ऊंची बातें कर ले वो कर कुछ नहीं पाटा है :)

    • Shubhi

      well vivek, you spoke about female infanticide, child mortality and the rest, do you even know the root cause of all such problems?
      the writer spoke about ‘sex as power-game’, where, to enlighten you, man dominates women, usually. Wonder why? Because women are considered as sex objects, nothing more. And this is the root cause. Kindly research more, re-read the articles before you end up posting such comments. Sex education is as important as discussing poverty. Having the freedom that the writer talks about would itself eliminate more than half of the issues you want to stress upon.

    • Anannya Chatterjee

      Such level of intelligence! I am so impressed, really! Aaja teri nazar utar lu!

      Oh mahan prani! Aapko itni chhoti si baat samajh aati h ki yahan kis cheez ke baare mein baat ho rahi h? Ya phir aapki intelligence level itni jyada ki aisi chhoti chhoti baat aapko chhu kar bhi nahi jaati?
      Dusri baat, orgasm matlab pata h? Aur agar aapko poverty, child marrieges, ki baatein “highly orgasmic” lagti h, to bahut acchi baat h! Please don’t reproduce! Then we will be saved from more mahaan praanis like you!
      Teesri baat! Who gave the right to call anybody the ugliest creations of the Lord? Aap kya ho? Dudh ke dhule?

      But seriously, aap itne intelligent ho…itne intelligent ho…ki yahan kya, aapko to antariksh mein rehna chahiye! Jaiye jaiye aap wahan jaake discuss karna!

    • Omkar

      Haha. You have just missed the point, my friend (I shudder to call you that!). You seem to know a lot about issues that plague the modern Indian society, and that is good. But stop acting like you’re a messiah unless you have the courage to lead by example! You might be thinking that we all are unaware about these issues. And we only know of orgasms and sex. Like we are savants. Like we would be the downfall of society, and add to the already burgeoning population of this country by indulging in sex. But you are being insensitive and rash about your opinions. Sex is an intricate part of human life, so stop thinking of it as taboo. Why do you think we have a huge population crisis? Lack of sex-education and high occurrence of ignorance. People have primitive notions about sex, want boys instead of girls in this 21st century society. We all are responsible and it’s shameful. Yes, I said that! Women have a right to a better life, and the right to their own body. They may use it as they will. And men should learn to respect that. Period. The moment we (I am a man) stop objectifying women, educate ourselves, and be more receptive to their needs and desires, then we will be a progressive, prosperous and emancipated society. Women should also treat themselves better because they deserve better. Expression of sexuality is as healthy as expression of hunger or thirst. Without it we would be asexual beings, which I have nothing against. I respect the practice of abstinence, because guess what, my conscience dictates it. Art is an expression of sexuality and yearning. And women, please don’t believe that men are ugly. Both internally and externally. As human beings, I believe we have the potential to be ugly or beautiful. I, for myself, support gender equality in all walks of life.

  15. raj

    Dear Author, I fully endorse your thoughts that one should not have qualms about her/his sexual desires. It can be discussed among peers or among those with whom we share a camaraderie. But not giving your name represents the hypocrisy. I don’t know may be if it is uneasy for a women to share her sexual instincts on a public forum under her name, but I do respect your thoughts and hopes to see a change in perception of the individuals which this article is meant for.

  16. Sandeep

    I agree with the author on certain points and don’t in certain other, when she says in the society one should be free, irrespective of their gender, to discuss there sex life ( obviously with a right kind of audience ) i completely agree, I fail to understand why this taboo , but regarding the prerogative, I myself don’t see having sex with multiple partners as my prerogative, but again it is a matter of personal choice ( and yes it doesn’t make one slut )
    Again in matters of one’s sexual activity i find it really intrusive of others being bothered by it, that is definitely one’s choice, if and when to be sexually active..

    • Akshat Seth

      That’s more like it. Agreeing, to disagree :)

  17. tina borah

    the change has to start from within us first. what is the society… even we are a part of it. its not like we are innocent bystanders. we pass comments too. why call someone a slut just because she chooses to be sexually active. the change will come only when we start accepting the fact that someone’s sexually life is their’s only and we don’t have the right to speculate or label them because of that…

  18. Tarique Afaque

    Its equally not right on men’s part too. I know this happens, and in today’s world in even “C” class cities, both sexes, have means are are doing it to satisfy their urges, with the shield of boyfriend, beloved, intimate friend, C2C, swapping etc. The problem is respect, not what you are stating. Yes, I also do admit its a male dominating society, so the participating male should be discreet about it and should respect the social security of a women and must be there for all needs, be it a contraceptive pill or rubber. I’m confident enough, girls in today’s scenario are equally familiar with words like orgasm, cum, 3sum and 4sum etc. for which i have no issues at all. And yes, I’ve been amazed to the porn collection they have. If we sum up the ratio of storage, i thing the total GB consumption summing up all males and all females in India would be 50:50. Lastly. MAN is not society, there are black sheeps in every community, so you just cannot hit every man with same sentences. And I give this responsibility, (for social reasons) that they should respect their partners, respect the act and should not take such desires of other partner in any other way, but purely biologically natural way.

  19. bansal

    thought provoking and brilliant piece of writing ….for man they say he is a stud if he sleeps with many girls and girls are slut if they do the same this mentality need to be challenge

  20. sorimi

    that’s d truth nd that’s how our society is….
    u cn change one bt the wall is hard to brk… u cn definately make ur point nd convince bt wen it cms to prac experience… 99% people chicken out….

    regarding the article its a fact….

  21. Brilliant piece.

    Regarding the comments, I don’t understand why the notion of control has been brought forward, the author writes about being able to buy a condom or talk about sex freely and not about throwing oneself at another forcibly. There is a huge difference between socially expressing sexual desires and rape! She talks about having space to share such things and I don’t understand how it is inappropriate. Also, given that a man has the freedom to do the same (and I am sorry if I am generalizing, but I see this happening all around me, and I live in India myself) why can’t I? Of course, we are all entitled to our own opinions in the social sphere, but I think the core idea we need to look into is that of choice – the freedom of exercising choice.

    Again I guess that would explain why the author maintains anonymity, its her choice. Rather, I think it actually facilitates the social inhibitions the author talks about, how she ‘wants’ something but ‘cant.

  22. nupur

    well written but shouldnt have been anonymous. please share with us your name so that we know who we are sharing our thoughts with.

  23. anonymous_my_foot

    It is amusing that the author of this post makes big statements, but not only does she not have the honesty or courage to lend her name to her sayings, and decides to hide the veil of ‘anonymous’, but when this is pointed out by a reader in a comment, the comment gets deleted!
    So much for ‘freedom’, ‘awaaz’, blah blah…

    • Akshat Seth

      Now you yourself don;t have the courage to reveal your name and you have the audacity to instruct the author regarding her behavior…..HILARIOUS!!! You are funny man
      By the way had she come out na, desperate, frustrated, psycho and cowardly morons like you would spare no pains to hound out and harass the author because she dared to question the chauvinistic value systems better known as the Indian Culture and your cute, delicate and nicely preserved sentiments would get hurt.
      Stop creating fake e-mail id’s to post comments before having the presumption to instruct others about ‘freedom’ ‘awaaz’ and blah blah…..

  24. anonymous_my_foot

    ironic you chose to remain ‘anonymous’…so much for freedom of expression and blah blah…

    • So says the man who’s name here is “anonymous_my_foot”. Ironic much?

  25. Does equality mean to ape everything that your counterpart does? No matter whether that’s right or wrong? I really dont believe that. People will call me a conservative today when i say that i dont like women smoking and find a sexist connotation of it before even i finish my sentence. But what they dont realise is that i detest the very act of smoking, irrespective of the fact who does it. Because somehow in our moral science books, which i took a bit too seriously,we were taught this. The same theory applies here too. I dont know which place where men believe that sex is their birthright is appreciated. And similarly when women begin to claim sex as their birthright, it wont be appreciated greatly. NOT BECAUSE WOMEN ARE CLAIMING THE RIGHT, BUT because the very thought is not socially acceptable, FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN, at least in a place like India. And i dont understand that when women themselves criticise of men thinking of sex as birthright, why do they think that it would be appropriate for them to claim such a right? Call me a narrow minded idiot or what, but reading this article made me feel as if the writer has tried to cloak the word ‘lust’ with the words ‘sexual freedom’, just to sound more appealing!
    Its not wrong to have sexual desires. But to not being able to control them would make anyone an animal, something that we call the rapists today!
    P.S – Im none of those right wing culture jingoists. I am a modern person with a broad outlook with some very strong values that my childhood taught me!

    • Equality cannot mean same for men and women. You have presented a well thought-out argument but some areas are problematic. What people need to realise is that women too have reproductive organs which are not just meant for gestation. You said “at least in a place like India”. See the problem here? What is wrong in wanting sex? And rape is almost never about lust. That is where you are wrong. Rape is not about unconcealed desire. You think paid sex isn’t available? There aren’t enough girls who like good sex? No, it is about power-play. The need to violate the helpless person. Rape isn’t about lust.

      • First of all, thanks, mam for the appreciation. Moving on lets take your views one by one.
        “What people need to realise is that women too have reproductive organs which are not just meant for gestation.”
        I have a counter point to it from the point of view of men – Men too have genitals that are not just meant for one married life.
        As a woman, doesnt that sound offensive to you? As a human, (NOT MERELY AS A MAN), to me, it does. Coz this implies that it is absolutely alright if men desire sex outside the institution of marriage, which in other terms is adultery. Now would you support that? Now think of your own

        You said “at least in a place like India”.
        I said this very purposefully, as no matter how we think of us as liberal individuals, we do, by accident of birth, belong to a society. Now my invocation of the word ‘society’ might make you think of me as a very conservative person, but you cant possibly deny that our society is an inevitable reality in our lives. can you? That doesnt mean that i am justifying the social norms or something but throwing light on the fact that they VERY MUCH exist. I talked about values in my previous comment, and thats what i have got as a part of this social system. Few things dont just fit in our value systems. Before blindly aping the Western aspects of life, one should try to understand the cultural difference that lies in between. While spitting on roads in India might seem harmless, but doing the same abroad will draw flak and the vice versa stands true for such claims of sexual freedom in Indian culture also.I would like to restate that im not justifying any social norms here.

        “What is wrong in wanting sex? And rape is almost never about lust. That is where you are wrong. Rape is not about unconcealed desire.”
        If you read carefully what i wrote, you would find i have written very explicitly “Its not wrong to have sexual desires. But to not being able to control them would make anyone an animal, something that we call the rapists today!” Now that brings us to the point of Rapists? I agree to your point of power equation being present in rape, and i understand it well being a student of Political Science. But, yet i wont agree that lust isnt behind rapes. Rape is an expression of lust which takes place where the power structure is skewed. But at the very base of all intellectually stimulating arguments behind rapes lies a very simple thing called Lust.I agree that power structure is a necessary condition for rape to take place, but it definitely wont take place if the man has no lust for the subject.

        P.S – I agree that as a 20yr old, my views might not just be perfect, noone’s are. And hence dont take any offence of anything. Im always happy to be corrected. I just wanted to squeeze out my views from within me on such a sensitive topic and hence i did through this forum. Further views will be gladly accepted.

        • “What people need to realise is that women too have reproductive organs which are not just meant for gestation.”
          I have a counter point to it from the point of view of men – Men too have genitals that are not just meant for one married life.
          As a woman, doesnt that sound offensive to you? As a human, (NOT MERELY AS A MAN), to me, it does. Coz this implies that it is absolutely alright if men desire sex outside the institution of marriage, which in other terms is adultery. Now would you support that? Now think of your own

          Are you out of mind? There is no comparison between what the author said and what you are saying. What does gestation have to do with multiple sexual partners? I mean where is your head?

          “Before blindly aping the Western aspects of life,” Let me rephrase that, “before blindly aping our won culture or what our scriptures or parents tell us”

          As far as controlling sexual desires, women are not even allowed to have sexual desires, what are they supposed to control?

          Rape is beyond lust, rape is a game for men who have never understood the fact that a woman’s no means a no. For them it is a show of power, of showing who is the more powerful one.

        • Akshat Seth

          Dear Amit
          I find it appreciable that you’ve chosen to leave your views flexible. My dear let me tell you then….the word ‘lust’ has been propagated from time immemorial by the scriptures and thus the society at large and thus reference to sex is considered as ‘evil’. This is the perceptions we are trying to change in our little ways. Sex is not lust. Rape is not wrong because it originated out of sexual desire, it is wrong because it was committed against someone’s will and caused her mental and physical agony. Rape in India is a sociological problem while in the West it is a psychological one; that is why here we find repeated instances of Gangrapes……because of the obsession with abstention and Control and due to the class differences, rape has become a menace, not because of what you call lust. Sexual desire is not wrong, unfulfilled sexual desire because of illogical social values is unfortunate and it is that Unfulfilled ‘lust’ that leads to the crime and hence an open discussion of sexuality is a corrective measure to change social perceptions, not controlling lust….hope You will understand. We all are for peace here, and freedom as well :)

    • Amit for peace.

      The moral science books, they taught us a lot of trash, mixed with some good here and there. Times change, evolution and change is the way.
      Wanting sexual freedom is not aping men, women have sexual needs which they can’t express as freely as men.What they are asking for is equality.
      You have the right to not like smoking and not be with people who smoke, but not a right to say they are wrong.
      As far as is lust is considered, its normal and there’s nothing wrong with that.
      And you stepped on a tricky place when you said asking for sexual freedom is equivalent to being rapists. Watch your words.

    • Srishti

      And who decides the right vs. wrong? You? Science accepts sex as a biological need and not just as a desire possessed by some and not the others. It’s almost funny that sex becomes a topic to take a moral high ground on. On what basis, sir? It’s like saying non vegetarians have no morals because I think our moral science text books also talk about “respect” for others species. And sorry, God knows what moral science textbook you read because i don’t remember any of them condemning smoking or sex as “immoral.”

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