By Shelly Mahajan:

There’s a sudden malfunctioning of electricity across the city. Street lights are going on and off at a margin of seconds, the weather has become extremely cold and unpleasant and dark clouds have gathered in the sky accompanied by thunderous sounds. Quite like the scenes from the movie ‘Koi Mil Gaya’, when Rakesh Roshan is driving and an alien spacecraft appears overhead whose effect causes his vehicle to behave strangely or when Hrithik succeeds in communicating with the extraterrestrial life through sound waves ‘om om om’ and the lights go haywire.

raj-babbar_3

In a while, a ray of light is seen coming from one end of the sky and quite evidently, a celestial announcement (read Akashvani) is heard in the voice of, none other than, the scintillating and honourable MP “Raj Babbar”. He’s in a joyous mood and screaming ‘eureka, eureka…’. To our fear, he has managed to co-find a restaurant along with Rasheed Masood and Farooq Abdullah, that intends to offer a menu priced between Re 1 and Rs 12. The restaurant offers three signature dishes prepared by a Michelin star chef ‘Chintu’, mini thali priced at Re1, semi-deluxe thali at Rs 5 and maharani thali at Rs 12 each containing rice, dal, sambhar and vegetables in varying quantities.

The nation has been turned into a crazy place. Delhiites are getting a déjà vu feeling, one that first appeared with Starbucks landing here. Media is covering every inch of the restaurant from the sang marmar marble flooring to traditional black cauldrons and Chintu’s transparent black net banian. At the Newshour, Arnab asks, ‘Tonight the nation and especially I, want to know the specialty of your restaurant Mr. Babbar.

As of now, three branches are opened in Delhi, Mumbai and Babbar’s constituency Firozabad. Each named after his three children Prateik, Arya and Juhi, after having failed to create a mark in Bollywood, this was much-needed.

People are flocking in huge numbers. The first set of visitors has managed to zomato their reviews, largely mentioning of Chintu’s hairstyle and photo frames boasting ‘Most malnourished customer of the day’, trying hard to create a Morrison-Lennon-Dylan (café) effect. Doordarshan manages to interview a few people outside the restaurant after having their meals. The clipping shows them holding their stomachs and thought bubbles drawn from their mouths saying, ‘Burrr…..rrrp…pet bhar gaya.

Google has made plans to introduce an application called ‘Babbars @baraha(12)’. On Babbar’s insistence, the application will offer android users to download all Babbar family movies including the rare collection of Juhi Babbar’s ‘Yaaran Naal Baharan’ at downloadable charges of Rs 12.

Ford Foundation has decided to fund his noble project on a condition that Babbar shall not be called as an American agent by Congress. In a recent interview to Newslaundry, Babbar has confessed that he has plans for expanding his feeding business into a catering company for marriages and Iftar parties.

3 years later

Babbar’s restaurants have expanded across the world and the chain is named ‘Twelve’. This has had a huge impact on the reputation of the number ‘twelve’, now considered highly auspicious. Now every time the clock strikes twelve, we say ‘Babbar bj gaye’. Expecting mothers are making sure to deliver on the twelfth day of a month.

Babbar’s work has been highly appreciated by the United Nations for its contribution towards the Milllenium Development Goals (MDGs). India has managed to feed all its people and eradicated hunger by 2015.

At the end of every menu card offered at Babbar’s eatery, the following is written in bold,
So, what are you thinking? Go grab your bite, offer valid till you leave the planet!

Comments
Harvey Specter
Posted at 10:29 pm August 8, 2013
K.B.Srivastava
Reply
Author

In my opinion, the families whose income is less than Rs8000/- per month are poor. Under food security, Government of India is expecting that 16crore families (80crore people) of India will be benefitted. In my opinion 80crore people of India are really poor whose vote form the government. Hence government should help them by transferring Rs3000/- per month as pension. For payment of pension, there is no need to sanction separate budget for this purpose. Enough amounts are sanctioned by the Central and State Governments for welfare of poor under different schemes and in different heads like– Mid day meal, food security, sarees, blanket, school uniforms, books, education to all, unemployment allowance, laptops and under Lohiya/Kashiram/Indira Awas, for treatment of poor, scholarship to SC/ST and for welfare of minority, pension to poor families, for ;old age and farmer”s pension, economic help for marriage of poor girls battery operated rikshaws, housing of urban areas, for welfare of society, for welfare of backward class etc.Rs23kharab has been sanctioned by Government of India as subsidy for financial year 2013-14..If government transfer Rs3000/- per month to 16crore poor families, an expenditure of Rs57.60kharab will incur. But amount sanctioned for welfare of society by the Central & State Governments are more than Rs57.60.Under Food Security, an expenditure of Rs13.50kharab have also been sanctioned by the Government of India. If these amounts are transferred in accounts of 16cfrore poor families, they will be getting more than Rs3000/- per month, if not, employees will embezzle the same. As per statement of CBI, Rs250kharab has been deposited in other countries as black money.Government can seize this money and its interest may also be paid as pension. So many people have purchased much more property than their income. Hence, I request the government to increase property tax so that illegal earnings may be recovered as property tax. I also request the government not to take loan from other countries or from World Bank, otherwise inflation will go high.

    Harvey Specter
    Posted at 11:08 pm August 8, 2013
    Raj
    Reply
    Author

    Bhaiya ji have you even read any of my comments? Why are you continuing on with your bad ideas?

Harvey Specter
Posted at 4:30 pm August 8, 2013
Raj
Reply
Author

Your excellent tongue-in-cheek article actually insightful and provides a clue to why and how Govt. schemes are exploited. Right from our own abused PDS system to the housing bubble in the US were founded on Govt. guarantees of certain products which was then exploited by others.
This “Twelve” restaurant that Babbar is talking about is most certainly the Parliament House canteen, which would go bankrupt if it fed everyone in the country

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