Why Do I Need To Be Slim And Fair To Get Married?

By Ojaswini Srivastava:

I am a girl, I love clothes, I love shoes, I love accessories and I love shopping. I may sound like a very stereotypical character but I am only stating the truth. Well, I am not going to talk about anything like shopping and clothes here of course. What I want to talk about is the shallow concept of beauty that our society preaches.


When you read the above lines, you must have assumed that I am someone who would love to dress up and look all dolled up and pretty every time. I don’t. From your typical point of view, I will be- a girl, 5 feet tall (or short, whatever you prefer), with black round ‘extra-large’ eyes, thick pale pink lips, long jet black super curly bulky hair. People in general won’t call me beautiful. I am not a conventionally pretty girl. Our stereotypes and prejudices will never allow you to call me beautiful. No, really, I am fairly fat and not so fair, also I don’t have perfect hair and gorgeous features. Yes, now I am a burden to my parents since I have least chances to get married at the “right age”. I am a burden to my family; they will have a hard time getting me married off. No, it does not count that I am talented, it does not count that I am educated, it does not count that I can make some delicious food, it does not count that I am an amiable person, it does not count that I have a good upbringing, it does not count that I am independent, it does not count whatever qualities I may have to be a nice life partner. I just don’t have a pretty face, I am not slim and not very fair, so, I cannot be an ideal match for any guy. My parents will have to keep looking for a groom for me and must get me married off as early as possible so that later my age does not pile on to my “ugliness” and further lessen my chances to get married. My parents may have to give a huge dowry (no matter it is illegal, we do everything illegal) but that will be necessary because my in-laws will be taking me in – a not so beautiful bride.

This is the harsh reality for the daughters of hundred thousands of typical middle class or poorer families: A girl is first of all not a “possession” of her biological parents, and if she is not beautiful in terms of conventions – slim, fair, and tall, etc., she is a huge burden to her parents.

I am luckily sure that nothing said above is true of my parents and brother. They appreciate me for what I am and surely believe I am beautiful in my own way. But I am also sure of two other things. First, many of my relatives may have such thoughts about me, as I am not a conventionally beautiful girl (as they feel). Secondly, this is the story of thousands of ‘unmarried daughters’ in our society. They face this bitter truth everyday, where their families fight their concern over how to get their daughters married and settled overcoming their being ‘unbeautiful’.

This is evil. Every girl, every woman and every human being is beautiful. Beauty is a state of mind. Beauty is a feeling. All those people who think I or another girl like me is not beautiful because she is not slim, fair, tall and sharp-featured, let me tell you, you are wrong. We are all worthy of being married to good men and live a happy life- without compromising, giving a huge dowry or anything of the sort. Such behavior of the family and society is very dangerous for a girl to build her self-esteem and realize her worth. I request people to please pay attention here and understand and consequently stand against this vice of our society.

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5 Responses

  1. vidhi

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg1dEdWYN8s//Yeh Hai Aashiqui : Full Episode 20 – bindass (Official)
    a must watch episode connected to your article..
    specially for those who think dat girls who are healthy are ugly..and dont deserve good men..
    ugliness is in the mind of the viewer…every creature made by the creator is beautiful, is impeceable.

  2. Haquiquat!

    So you people need equality , then why cant u remain unmarried, most of men remain unmarried , cuz they had bigger dreams n couldn’t be able to settle early in their life, they are embracing bachelorhood why cant u accept spinsterhood………n you can’t thrust yourself on others , you told good men , so men also want good women … you didn’t talk about just men ……good men means wealthy men n they r fewer n beautiful girls r more than enough to suffice the need of even bad men so who ll pay attention on ugly girls…….

    • Neha Jha

      Do u have any idea how insensitive you are being here? What is your definition of ‘good women’ ? The one who looks like Aishwarya Rai? When did she say good means handsome? And is it necessary that the one who looks good on the outside has to be good on the inside too? What if someone says the same about you? She just said that there’s no need of being judgmental about her because of the way she looks! Its unfortunate we have people like you in our society! And, by the way, wealthy men rarely come across as ‘good’. Beauty and power can make anyone go astray.
      Next time you post something like this, check your sensitivity quotient! And, let me tell u, no matter how much you cringe, a tough person is gonna take from you what is rightfully theirs!

    • Karthika

      Here it is, we’d love to remain single and virgin and pursue our dreams. But obviously with the pressures from the society and the whole “Slut” idea prevents us or at least the family from doing it.

  3. thecreativebent

    Sadly, in arrange marriages… all one can judge is money, physical beauty, education and family status . It is actually just a convenient “arrangement”. If we were all to marry when we fall in love…we would be able to judge people for their real beauty.. their soul,…. who they are and stuff… the things that truly matter. Dating may still be a challenge owing to the weird beauty standards society applies on both women and men… but I believe we still have more chances to marry the person who loves us for who we are…and even marry before or after “the right age” since love can come calling anytime.

    And I would actually want to point out that… it is not just the beauty… if a girl is say not really homely or “modern” as they say…. she will have problems too. The society just wants machine manufactured brides who fit so and so criteria… where is room for individuality?

    And whoever you are girl, I feel proud of you! Please carry on being awesome ;)