“I hate you ….. (Click) “
“I can’t believe you are doing this to me, I so hate you …. (Click)”
“I never want to see u again, leave me alone …. (Click)”
“I can’t believe I trusted you…. (Click)”
And my personal favourite
“Screw* you…! (Click) ”
* The word “screw” subjected to variations with degree of altercation. 😛
Now before we begin to discuss the implications of each of these statements, let’s start off with a few observations.
Immaterial of whether you are a guy or a girl, on reading the above statements you almost definitely built up a mental picture of a girl crying over the phone before hanging up.
Now read the same sentences, but this time feel free to imagine a guy crouched and crying over the phone quoting the very same words.
Gets absurd and seems highly unreal doesn’t it.
No, you don’t have to worry, you are not alone.
It is a common episode with most people. Our society has over a prolonged period of time, built a system that has featured women as more sensitive and less likely to initiate a break up. The same society that casts the guy as a jerk, even if he were on the wrong side of the break up or in other words like how the youth call it today “getting dumped”.
So what relevance does this hold with the issue at hand, u might ask?
None.
I have been amidst too many men off late who have been on the other side of the break up or again in simple terms, men who have “been dumped”. I just felt the need to justify their cause and many others around the world. That is an issue for another day.
But, now that I have your unbiased attention, it’s time we analysed the theory of an “ideal breakup”.
Most of us have been involved in one relationship or the other at some point of time in our lives. The pain of a breakup remains unparalleled by any other activity or experience and is certainly one of its kind. Apart from the mental trauma one has to endeavour quite a few times, it also comes with physical ailments and most often bouts of depression causing one to relate almost every small incident to the past.
In the event of a separation, whether it be because of infidelity, difference of opinions, lack of communication or even the fear of commitment, one thing remains constant, the consequences persist over a substantial period of time.
Now many of us choose to ignore or part ways with our “ex’s”. This is simply because it’s much easier a job to ignore someone when they are no longer a part of your life.
Or is it…?
Let’s take a couple of breakup scenarios and examine the depth of the statements made above and let’s hope to arrive at a possible solution for the “ideal breakup” through introspection.
Let’s take infidelity as the reason for the breakup, in most cases there arises a strong sensation of betrayal and disloyalty in the victim. Immediate impacts may include behavioural variations tending to insecurity and isolation. But possible advantages include ability to generate hate easily towards the person and also frequency of cherishing reminiscing memories may possibly die down to zero on the longer run.
But in the case of a breakup due to lack of understanding or difference of opinions there might persist poignant consequences post the event of separation. As simple and hurtful as it may seem, the repercussions of such an event, a mutual separation, surprisingly leave a more dangerous impact on either member.
Even as you read this article, hundreds of couples are breaking up around the world this very second. The importance of a relationship and its direct impact on ones social life is well illustrated by Daniel Goldman in his book “Social Intelligence”. He, through a series of findings re-establishes the emerging theory of social neuroscience. Through everyday examples he explains how our body and mind react and vary with the various relationships we lead and the way we lead them. The impact of an unhealthy relationship, he states, not only erupts a feeling of discomfort in oneself but also causes a disturbing effect on our immune systems. Hence this direct link between the two now clearly indicates the significance and the role of every relationship we lead and also raises the question of how in this fast moving world should one handle the after effects of a breakup.
An ideal breakup might represent a scenario of a couple splitting apart with no repercussions, possibly keeping in close touch with each other and ending up living as friends with no emotional attachments or grievances.
But the feasibility and practicality of such a hypothetical scenario is highly improbable and the situation by itself seems almost impossible. For several years now, many have tried to beat the odds of such a situation and have so sincerely tried to maintain a meaningful relation with someone whom we so deeply cared for. But, the failure to do so by so many people leads us to just one answer. An ideal breakup is a scenario so highly impractical only so as there is no such a term as “ideal” when it comes to dealing with a breakup.
Every breakup immaterial of its reason or cause can almost never be mutual. The degree to which one might require such a separation is almost never at par with that of the other. This most often than not gives rise to an unintentional egoism in the subconscious mind of both the members of the now split couple. And this ego clash drives them apart with a compromise from either side clearly out of the question.
So, what lies in our hands is the way we deal with these breakups. Mans greatest asset has always been his ability to draw and seek from his experience whenever required. To learn to accept and to continue living impervious or at least unaltered by the consequences of a breakup is of prime importance especially in today’s fast moving world.
We had set forth fittingly by terming it the theory of an “ideal breakup”, as only theoretically does it subsist, and to expect any better is to only deceive ourselves from the harsh reality that binds us. We have not reached a verdict on the best way to deal with a breakup only because there is no exact solution that can resolve all our problems. But what is to be understood is that immaterial of what you do or how you do it, what is essential is that you do what is to be done to dust yourself, get up and move on.
The writer is a Raipur based correspondent of Youth Ki Awaaz