RING RING.
Me: “Hello”
Him: “Raju bhai?”
Me: “Wrong number”
CUT
2 minutes later…
RING RING.
Me: “Hello”
Him: “Raju bhai?”
Me: “Maine aap ko kaha na bhaiya wrong number hai” (I told you, you have dialed the wrong number)
Him: “Mujhe kursiyo ki welding ka order diya hai aur ye number diya tha. Abhi aap bolo main kya karu?” (I have been instructed to weld a few chairs, and this is the point of contact I have been given. You tell me, what can I do?)
Me: “Arey bhaiya ye wrong number hai, main kya karu?” (Oh! This is a wrong number, what can I do?)
Him: “Abhi aap batao main kya karu, mujhe to yehi number diya hai na, abhi aap aao, paise do aur kursiya le jao” (Now tell me what I can do? I was given this number only… now you come, give me the money and take the chairs.)
Me: “AS@F*DS#D%SS:D^AF” (slang)
The incident written above is not yet another brilliantly hilarious invention by what resides at the highest altitude of my body but in fact a true happening of which I was the victim. The first question that came to mind after this happened was “Kya logic hai?”. (what’s the logic?)
But then think of it, let me ask you “Would you pay a bribe?”, if your answer is “Yes”, you are excused (for the purpose of this hypothesis). If your answer is “NO”, let me ask you “If your mother or lover is critical and there is only one hospital nearby and the doctor there refuses to admit the patient until you pay a bribe, would you still refuse?”. Unless you are Kamal Hassan’s father from ‘Hindustani’ (also played by Kamal Hassan), you will. Will I blame you? Never. Even the greatest idealist is driven to do what he hates when in need. So does that mean, he is selectively or conveniently idealistic/right? Does that mean that all the instances when he refused to pay a bribe now hold no significance? Does that mean he too has now become a criminal beyond repair? “Kya logic hai?” (what’s the logic?)
After the recent Dantewada massacre, I read a post by a friend on my Facebook wall which said: “Killllllllll the f*cki*ggg Maoists!!!!! Why should my soldiers die?”. Question 1: Never in my life had I ever heard him speaking of Maoists or “his soldiers”, why the sudden hatred for one and affection for the other? Question 2: On that day, if you read the front page of all editions of the highest-selling Indian daily newspaper — Times of India (which I like to call TOIlet paper), you’ll find that in Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai, Hyderabad etc, the headline read “Naxalites massacre CRPF men in Dantewada” and if you read the Ahmedabad, Mumbai, Jaipur etc editions, the headline says “Maoists massacre CRPF men in Dantewada”. Do people even know the definitions of ‘Naxalites’ and ‘Maoists’, the similarities and differences between them, why a paper as famous as TOI(let) uses one term half the times and the other for the other half? I bet most people don’t even know that Mao is till today a much loved figure in China. “Kya logic hai?” (What’s the logic?)
Soon after the massacre, the entire country was fuming and gunning for ‘Maoist’ blood. I too was of the firm opinion that killing anyone is wrong and a very inappropriate response to anything. Then Booker Prize winner and ‘Walking with the Comrades’ star — Arundhati Roy came on TV talking about the brutalities the tribals of Jharkhand, Chhatisgarh, Bengal and so on suffer at the hands of the government, police and judiciary who are being used by capitalist forces who are out to exploit the geographically rich resources of those states. So a person killing another is WRONG, a person killing a policeman is WRONG-er (at least according to conventional wisdom), but a victim of police atrocities killing the perpetrators, though wrong is still comparatively understandable. All three had their reasons, all three committed the same crime and broke the same law, then why the difference in reactions? “Kya logic hai?”
Talking about something much more easier to comprehend, imagine coming outside a cinema hall after watching a Yash-Raj film (which are quite ridiculous more often than not), we think “Wow yaar, kya mast love story thi, loving hero, lovable heroine, hero uske peechhe ghumta raha, dheere dheere woh maan gayi, ha problems aayi, par dono ne end me kitne achhe se sab kuch sambhaal liya“. Is life ever that simple? Leave alone the end or even the courtship part, just think of the conversations you have with your boy-friends, girl-friends or parents. 6 out of 10 times, you won’t get the reaction you deserve. 7 out of 10 times, life will take out in a totally opposite direction to what you expected. “Kya logic hai?”
“Papa, main love marriage karungi”. “NO WAY, tu wahi shaadi karegi jaha main kahunga, apni hi jaati mein, apne pasand ke bina aib waale acche khandaan ke ladke se”. The ‘papa’ seems to have failed to notice that he has the biggest ‘aib’ himself. “Par kyu papa, main kyu nahi kar sakti?”. “Sharam nahi aati tujhe, Sharmaji kya kahenge aur Aroraji ka socha tune? Arey kum se kum, kuch nahi to, yehi sochle ke tere tau kya bolenge?”. If ‘Sharmaji, Aroraji and Tau’ are the kind who will protest to a love marriage, then they will protest to an arranged marriage too, because their problem is not with the kind of marriage but with protesting. Fathers in India are more worried about those who never spitted on them (borrowing ridiculously from a hindi idiom) than the blood they helped give birth to. “Kya logic hai?”
I have family and friends and the customary opposite sex person I like. But the mistakes my friends make hurt me a lot, the ones my family make hurt me a little [Kya kare, jhak maarke us hi ghar me rehna hai ;-)] and the ones my Raj/Simran makes are forgiven easily and compromised with. All three are close to me, I love all three and all three love me but I choose my reactions selectively. “Kya logic hai?”
Even the gaalis we use are so ridiculously illogical. If you stay in Delhi beyond the routine tourist holidays, you can’t help but notice people repeating a rather insulting, yet interesting set of words more often than a “Hi” or “Hello”: “Behen ka ***** (referring to the male groin)”. I’ve always hated abusive language but this one and the frequency with which I heard it made me pause and think – “Kya logic hai?”
Can/do we follow all constitutional laws? Can/do we obey moral codes? Do we have static inflexible principles and values? Do we treat everyone equally? Do we get treated by everyone equally? “Kya logic hai?”
Is there anyone who is ALWAYS right or ALWAYS wrong? For that matter, what is RIGHT and what is WRONG and who decides that? 100 year old grey-haired bespectacled ‘leaders’ don’t have the right to tell us what to do and what not to do just because they look like Shakti Kapoor. Are there any ABSOLUTE truths or ABSOLUTE lies? Anyone who claims to have never lied just lied once again. Is there anything that has simple WHITE and BLACK areas and absolutely no GRAY ones? In the end, everyone has their own set of simple laws which are: What I do and think is RIGHT and what others do and think is WRONG. “Kya logic hai?”
Possible, one of the many explanations to the many questions I have asked and the many more that exist is: one of the definitions of ‘logic’ which says — “reasoning conducted or assessed based on reason and knowledge rather than emotional response”. By counting ‘emotional responses’ out of the equation, we are almost taking out the Human from Society. Humans emote and the heart is perhaps the most unadulterated part of our bodies. We cannot claim to be stone-like and act without being emotional. That is not possible and that in my opinion is what makes logic illogical.
I don’t even know why I wrote this article. Am I right or am I wrong? Can logic work or is it illogical? “Kya logic hai?”
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