By Prateek Waghre:
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in the article are of the author.
The World Cup has been cagey from the word ‘Go’. The group stages were nothing short of boring. Teams were more content playing out boring draws instead of going for the Jugular. The beautiful game was almost anything but beautiful but for a few games. From the Jabulani to the Zulu Natals’ polygamous nature and blind referees. Everything was blamed for the lack of the quality on display.
Many of the big players refused to turn up. They left themselves back at rich domestic clubs were they earn millions of Pounds or Euros, you pick your doomed economy!
Les Blues had a contagious case of the blues, which they passed on to fellow 2006 finalists – the Azzuri. Both sides needed the Hand of God. No, not Henry.. and not Maradona either but that guy bathed in heavenly light up there. No such luck
The Africans on the pitch, apart from the Ghana, were sadly, nothing more than a reflection of the state of their countries. ‘This time for Africa?’ Correction. This Time IN Africa. No More!
Rooney was roo-full, Lampard played like a man missing his Lamp. Good Old  Robert ‘Bobby’ Green took it upon himself to repay the United States with a ‘Spill’ of a different kind! Thanks Bob! That really undoes all the damage.
Messi was messy with his finishing. El Diego was no more than comic relief by the touchline, and of course Messi’s personal cheerleader. The Samba boys were unconvincing and deservedly ‘Waltzed’ their way out. Main man Kaka played like — to borrow from kannada — Kakka (shit).
Spain was off to a bumpy start. Which probably led to Roger Federer calling up his nemesis Rafael Nadal and having a good laugh. Well, They’re in the finals and Nadal won the Wimbledon. Who’s laughing now Roger?
Roger that, the Germans were at their destructive best. A blitzkreig here, a goal there and voila — Semifinals. Only to be undone by one of their own. No! Not an own goal. But more on this later.
Amidst all the Hits, Messis..er misses, Waving Flags, Swinging Jabulanis and Fumbling Goalkeepers. The World Cup had only two Stars. Sadly, none of the biped mammals can walk away with that distinction. Yes Villa, you are good, but not as good as these two.
One, a hollow tube that has had it’s trumpet blown all over the world, in a pejorative sense! Yes, the ‘Made in China’ authentically African Vuvuzelas. These fellows had the world cringing, cowering and muting their TVs. Some say the number of bald people in the world will have doubled after the Cup. Heck, They even walked away with an iPhone app.
And ofcourse, the Real Star — From Germany…Paul (no last name), Just Paul — The Psychic Octopus! The little mollusc has the distinction of predicting the outcome of all games of the National side correctly. All but once, The Euro 2008 finals between Spain and Germany. He had picked the Bundesrepublik Deustcheland back then.
Amidst much drama, Paul this time picked..gasp..the mighty Spaniards to pip the efficient Germany to the finals. Out came the haters! PETA rushed to Paul’s defense. Cries of Paul For Lunch..not President (or Chancellor) echoed across the ‘Fatherland’. The soothsaying creature quickly gathered his PR team and decided to do another draw — feigning Camera Shy-ness the first time around. Who did he choose? Quelle Surprise — Germany! The wily octoped — who is obviously a fan of lawyer shows – has given himself plausible deniability should the German Shepherds come knocking at his tank.
Well, the Game just got over. Lawyer or not! Tomorrows Lunch? — ‘Psychisch Krake’ (german for Psychic Octopus)
And in other unrelated news — Football Pundits around the world have started an Octopus Witch-hunt to save their ‘Jobs’.
The ever trustworthy and Human/Animal Rights conscious Chinese have already sprung into action and set up a Psychic Octopus Factory. My sources tell me half will be exported to blood thirsty Germans and the other half will be used to replace striking domestic factory workers!! Hu? Wen? What?
The writer is a correspondent of Youth Ki Awaaz. He is also a blogger @ WATBlog and AllThingsSensible.co.cc