A Rendezvous With Myself, And A Bond Of Trust

Posted on June 20, 2011 in Specials

By Salony Satpathy:

Sitting in the balcony, seeing the black clouds slowly gather for a light drizzle, a calm thought crossed my mind. I did not understand its relevance to the situation or the cause that initiated it, but it surely left me pondering for some time. The thought was a simple one, related to self trust. It is absurd that instead of enjoying the lovely weather after days of the reign of the hot summer sun, I was in a state of contemplation. But these are the moments that have constantly shaped me and made me the person I am today and I look forward all these sessions that have changed my life.

It all began with a simple question that I asked myself, “Do I trust myself?” It was strange that the answer did not strike me immediately, which everyone would expect from themselves. Sometimes even obvious answers in life take some time to seep in. The question took me down the memory lane to all the decisions made in my life over the years. Things that are usually considered unimportant like which colour to use for curtains in my room or which shoes to buy for the new dress that I purchased were some of the decisions that I had made for “myself”. Were these decisions useless? Absolutely not! These decisions had led to me forming a choice and a liking of my own. I pity those people who do not get themselves involved with such simple decisions in life. It gives me immense joy to see that the curtains and the shoes actually look good. It builds my self esteem and confidence.

Then I moved on to bigger decisions in my life, like choosing my career path. Did I have a say in it? Unfortunately, the answer was in the negative. This is the plight of millions in our country, who have not been given any options other than engineering or medicine. Not that I am unhappy studying engineering. In fact, I’m pretty happy, but the decision was not mine, it was my parents’. If I would have decided for myself, it would have boosted my trust in myself, just as those shoes and curtains had done.

Then my thought drifted towards something that was more important than any other decision I had ever made, the decision of my future. The golden words echoed in my ears, “Let bygones be bygones,” and I made a decision; a decision that will shape the rest of my life. The decision was to consider myself, my desires, and my aspirations in all major choices in my life. I need not rebel to decide for myself; all that will be required is a great deal of trust in me. Self trust builds a powerful convincing power that can move mountains of doubts in the brains of others to become flowing rivers of approval. I am ready to consider the suggestions, advice, hopes and desires of others around me who are a very important part of my life and who are sure to get affected by what I make of my life, but the final decision will be mine. Even if situations are unfavorable and the decisions will turn out to be wrong, at least I will have a consolation thinking that it was I who decided it. To be guided is different than following. I am ready to be guided but I will not follow. If I have to follow, I will follow my own self. I will be self confident and will take in all that comes in life’s path on an optimistic note.

I will trust myself.

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