By Ritu Kapur:
While searching for an unknown person with a blurred image I realized that I was unknowingly rebuilding an image of someone whom I knew very well. Forgetting totally about my previous image, I stopped to sort this new puzzle. Though this new image was same but if I thought about the identity it was totally different. The identity gave the impression of someone who was more confident and dependent than the prior puzzled impression of being lost.
Putting a bit of strain on my mind to rewind and check how I had built this image and to check who this person was I finally got my answer. It was “me”. I had changed, yes I had. I realized that the problems and the obstacles that felt like stones and cactus in the path had proven to be the enlightening pixels of this new image. The decisions made by me at those critical moments of my life when I felt there was no one for me proved to strengthen my weaknesses and enhance my identity.
The big losses in this journey enhanced my strength as now they determined how much more I could resist. I also realized that while supporting others on their way, so that they don’t fall apart, I had become self-dependent. Now I did not need any support and I had healed my handicap. But the thought of loosing myself had always made me fear the change.
Though I was myself lost in this busy world in the search of my identity (and the identity of many more) which I had lost in the big accident along with the losses which could never be repaid now; I did not want to lose my qualities which once judged my identity. I did not ever want to lose my traits of childishness and being straightforward and telling nothing but the truth. Those bold feelings of doing something to make someone smile a bit more and the feeling of sharing the unhappiness of others to the extent that I could handle alone and being able to see myself in mirror without feeling sorry for anything.
For a moment I went into a deep thought filled with fear. Had I lost all those qualities of mine? Softly but firmly a voice answered from within: No, I hadn’t lost them. I had changed but not fully or I can say the change was only partial. A change which had made me feel stronger. The feeling of not being appreciated for doing something good for someone did not matter to me but all I thought about was that I should never waste even a single chance of helping the other; no matter that person is worthy of it or not.
But there were still many things that were left to be learned or I should say the refinement of this picture of mine was yet more to be done. So I must try and try even harder until I succeed in this goal to refine myself. I should use my patience and strength to satisfy the hunger to learn more and more in order to deal with new challenges in this journey of mine…
Find passion. Train yourself, failure isn’t an option. Let courage defeat the odds. And then you’ll realize, victory gets a lot closer & fun.– written by one of the friends
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