By Brototi Roy:
Am I just a shadow of me now?
Is it time to take the last bow?
Was that the last card to be dealt?
Do I need to fold accepting I failed?
Did I reach the point of no return?
Can it never be again undone?
Can I only regret and repent every day?
And then with time slowly vanish away?
It doesn’t really matter what people say,
Coz when the sun shone, I did not make hay,
I was busy with momentary joy and sorrow,
I lived life like there was no tomorrow.
Well, guess what, tomorrow is finally here,
Bearing news worse than my worst fear,
The sun won’t shine on me anymore,
It can never be the same as before.
I have no one but myself to blame,
For this hurt, pain, sorrow and shame,
Numb and blank in silent lament,
Will I never get a chance for atonement?
I have let people down so bad, hurt them so,
Nothing that I promise will let the shame go,
That eerie silence that stretches every night over dinner,
That defeat in the eyes of the ones who considered you a winner
If I live for a hundred years, I will still not forget,
Another feat in my long list of regret,
Another new way I found to be humiliated,
Another new way to feel worthless and hated,
Every new day brings the same old tale,
Of how I threw it all away, how I did fail,
Of how I can never get it back now or ever,
Coz mistakes like these are meant to last forever.
They last forever, and remind you each new day,
How you ruined it all, how you threw it all away,
And with this thought, I will set to pick up the remains,
With this thought, I will get down to battle again.
Coz, yes I lost, I couldn’t do what everyone could,
But that was coz I didn’t do what I supposedly should,
I failed so bad, because I did not try to win,
I failed because I wasn’t ready from within.
So many false starts, so many goals to be met,
But nothing of consequence was ever really set,
Coz my head and heart were both not in sync with me,
And I let them be for way to long, you see.
So, on this November night, with a coffee mug on my left,
I pledge to myself, I will never let myself be bereft,
Bereft of what I can get if I only try a little more,
Coz I already lost too much and it has numbed my core.
I am never going to be that numb in life,
No matter how long I have to toil and strife,
I refuse to be just a shadow of me,
There is too much left to show and see.