On An Empty Stomach: Hunger Strikes in India (A satire)

Posted on May 26, 2012 in Politics

By Neelima Ravindran:

Kirti Azad, former cricketer and BJP MP, sat on a hunger strike to protest against the functioning of the cash rich IPL, which has been of late hit by a series of controversies. He has demanded improved transparency and accountability in the management of the premier cricket tournament, bemoaning that there is too much politics in sports. Mr. Azad’s ‘T20 fast’ inspired from the nation wide acceptance of Anna Hazare‘s emulation of this Gandhian weapon has in turn influenced and inspired people from various walks of life to do the same for deserving matters that require immediate attention of the nation, the government and its civil society. Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee has appreciated this effort on the part of the people of the country to do their bit in the austerity drive and to help in boosting the economy. It was overheard that BJP President Nitin Gadkari is furious with his party cadets that this idea was not given to him earlier and hence had to undergo an expensive surgery for his weight loss.

Karan Johar has requested permission from officials for a hunger strike at Mumbai’s Wankhede stadium protesting against Ram Gopal Varma making a movie on the banning of actor and owner of Kolkata Knight Riders, from the stadium for 5 years. RGV sees a nexus between Mumbai mafia and the MCA officials and plans to throw light on the subject in his next attempt, tentatively titled “SRK ka hate story”. Mr. Johar, one of Hindi cinema’s most popular and successful directors feels that since King Khan is his bff, he has to automatically get the rights of the story. He plans to bring to screen the poignant turmoil of a man, mercilessly wronged as he sheds blood to protect his kith and kin. He has named this emotional saga “Kabhi Wankhede ke andhar, kabhi bhahar”.

Images of a huge crowd of youngsters demonstrating and shouting slogans were seen at Ram Lila Maidan in Delhi. As the nation watched with curiosity at the ever growing gathering of men and women, it was confirmed that they were agitating against former chief minister of Uttar Pradesh and former Andhra Pradesh governor ND Tiwari’s decision to not give blood samples for testing in their paternity suit cases. There are reports of similar protests in other cities and even in some of the rural areas. Huge batallions of police forces are already at the maidan and the goverment is contemplating on deploying the army to bring the situation under control.

Junior Mallya has been advised by psychiatrists treating him for anger management, to go on a hunger strike in an attempt to make the young scion adopt an alternate and agreeable method of venting his fury. His father has asked a popular Bollywood actress to keep him company, apparently to make sure that he does not login to his twitter account for a few days till the controversies surrounding the arrest of a RCB player for molestation dies down. The actress, it seems have eagerly accepted the invitation as she sees this opportunity to become size minus one.

Whispers among the Congress workers in Delhi are that, Prince Gandhi is determined to go on a hunger strike rebelling the flurry of hunger strikes across the country. He strongly believes that the patent of fasting for a higher cause remains with the heir of the Congress party and that he and he alone have the right to this non violent method of Gandhigiri. The word is that he has requested the help of Abhishek Manu Singhvi and his colleague to study the legal aspect of the matter and take appropriate action in the court. A reliable source from 10 Janpath has hinted that the young Gandhi has also appointed a spy in Singhvi residence to make sure that he is ‘working’ on the case.

The magnanimity of Yoga Guru Baba Ramdev deserves special mention; he has pledged a CD of his lecture “plan your escape routes before a dharna” to all those who are following this hugely popular and effective method of striking a chord with the public. Free salwars and kurtas have been included along with the CD. West Bengal CM, Mamta Banerjee has also vowed that those who have white and blue tents at their fasting venues will be appropriately rewarded.

There are some trivial reports of 37% percentage of India’s population below the poverty line fasting unto death outside Montek Singh Ahuwalia’s residence, to object the government’s drawing BPL cap status at Rs 32 per person per day. Of course, they call it their “every day life”.