The Role of Parents in a Child’s Career and Future

Posted on May 30, 2012 in Society

By Mmrityunjay Nanda:

Often I end up asking myself the same question again and again. “Should I pursue my dreams or should I fulfil my parents’?”

As our culture teaches us, parents are the only living gods and making them happy is our prime duty. And yes, we all do respect and love our parents. But when it comes to career and setting our future goals, a fine line of separation can be observed between thoughts. Though in many cases where the parents are well educated and liberal, they allow their children to pursue their own dreams without much ado.

But unfortunately these cases are very less in number. The other form of parenting is a common case in India. Anyone can experience these conflicts arising in every middle-class family. The story always starts with parents’ dream but the child’s dream sometimes completely different. There comes then the difference in the mind-sets and the argument ends with uncomfortable situations. Somewhere we are all aware of this.

But the point is, why does this happen? And why is not it so easy to avoid? Responding to the situation, my friend, Mridang Lodha says,‘The conflicts arise where parents do not trust or have less faith on the independence of the child’s thinking process and also how well can he manage things. So I think from day one, if you show yourself as a confident and articulate decision maker, the growing confidence of your parents will pay in future. Also our generation only knows less of talking and more of arguing. It would be better if we could discuss things with our parents but not debate. However, the parents should also be open to ideas.’’

Let’s have a close look at what actually happens. I personally believe that the level of education, narrow outlook and immature decisions are the major factors that affect such a scenario. Sometimes, we feel parents are not well educated and are not able to understand the real desires and potential that the child has. Here, parents may lack the knowledge of current trends, market demands, different future aspects and a little courage too. But they feel that it is their child who wants to take unnecessary risk and trouble by pursuing his own goals. They always force their child to play safe and get in to a common easy life, far away from risks and tensions. We all know that the parents all mean to see their kids happy and around, and that should be discounted in our arguments. But if all will play safe without taking risks and overcoming failures then the evolution will definitely be at stake. So, should a child stomp upon his/her own dreams?

There are few cases where parents completely live in their children’s dreams and forget the essence of reality. Sometimes parents forge their failed dreams or goals in the impressionable minds of their children. The father who wanted to be a doctor wants his son to be a doctor and the mother who wanted to be an actress wants her daughter to be a super model. Like this many parents, deliberately or sub-consciously, have been remoulding the naïve thoughts. Addressing the issue, Dr. Marks, who has been working as a psychiatrist and psychotherapist from Atlanta says, ‘‘allow your child the important lessons of disappointment and failure. Finding out for themselves whether they have the ability and skill to realize their dreams helps children to refine and restructure their dreams into attainable goals. ’’

In addition to the above points, it is our neighbours and society who put this barrier between child and parents. No matter which part of India you live in, you can’t just deny the fact that there are constantly people amidst your society who do nothing else than igniting family issues and pulling a fast one. But our parents strongly believe them based on some meaningless relationships. I still have no clue why our parents follow these renegades. In the name of some fake bonds these outsiders play with sensitive cases and leave those susceptible. Here I would like to request to all reverend senior citizens of India, lovable uncles and aunties please to try to avoid these conflictions. Please don’t unnecessarily involve yourselves to impair the precious bond between a kid and his parents.

On the contrary, the current “trendy” generation and smart parents are raising a totally different play here. I still remember my father saying, ‘‘Excess of anything is bad, son! Excess is bad’’ Well, what do I mean by here? Hold your breath — I am going to point my finger right towards the highly educated society of the time. Wondering why so? Then let me clear it: the educated society is also not far behind in this innate race. They have been fanatics about their child’s success. Book a seat in top schools in advance before the child starts talking, Assign computer teacher, Karate master, Art classes, Music classes and ultimately leave no time for play. What do they mean by doing this? These children are losing their childhood, please let them be just kids. You say, don’t let them drive until 18, don’t let them operate dangerous equipment, and so on, but here you are the same parents who strained your children eight to ten hours a day just for meaningless records, worthless fame, making them mature before their time.

Every child has single short childhood and his/her own desire to be something. Being parents, don’t burden your own flesh with the above issues. Finally the dice is all yours. Throw it as you wish and wait for the consequences.