Sleep and I play new games every night. The recent one being that of hides and seeks. It hides and I relentlessly spend the entire night looking for it. Its whimsical nature takes charge with me being at the mercy of it. So, I lie awake with absolutely nothing to do but write down my thoughts.
My thoughts; wish they’d take a hint from sleep and elude me too. Sometimes I feel like Bruce with a million thoughts running in my head leaving me totally bemused. They all seem to be yelling in my head for me to hear them first. I try to listen to them closely and realize that they’re but the same old ones that were troubling me the previous night and also a few consecutive nights before that.
I think of normal things, for example, am I doing the right thing by pursuing a new field all together? Will it be worth it? And then another side of me says, don’t worry, you make it worthwhile even if it’s not. Am I going to be able to adjust to a new place along with that? Again my alter ego stands by me and attempts to pacify me with one of its ultra-positive replies. Am I really not as interesting as before as my sister mentioned? Nah, you’re anything but ‘not interesting’. Both sides nod to that.
Unusual things like why do guys like James Bond’s movies? Is there really something to them that I’m not able to see? Is it possible for any loser to become successful in Bollywood if he has a family backing? This is considering the likes of Jacki Bhagnani, Sonakshi Sinha and the two that top the list- Tusshar Kapoor and Uday Chopra. If Newton could define gravity by the simple act of an apple falling on his head, Percy Spencer could invent the microwave due the melting of a chocolate kept in his pocket, when am I going to discover something if it’s that easy?
As the night passes, I seem to have lost hold of sleep all together. I stand up on my bed and say out loud, I forfeit, I am not able to find you, now please come out and let me see where you were hiding all this while. No reply and so I continue to untangle the mesh of my bewildering thoughts.