INDIA: Its Present State Of Affairs [With A Pinch Of Salt]

Posted on June 15, 2012 in Politics

By Agam Dhingra:

The Cannes Film Festival and the IIFA awards have just concluded . Not to forget, the Knight Riders Korbo, Lorbo, Jitbo-ed the IPL 2012 and the upcoming Euro Cup, another sporting mega event that will keep us hooked to the idiot box.

Thank God, the Indians have so much more than the Dirty Game of Governance to keep them interested! However, if governance were a dirty game played by leaders wearing sleazy outfits, it would have given the Vidyas, the Veenas and the Rakhis a run for their money. Oh! And not to forget the TRP charts-Aamir Khan would have dedicated another show instilling moral and ethical values and lending a piece of advice to our honoured lazy and grousy leaders and then later refusing to apologize.

Alas! Nothing like that holds true for the Indian Political environment. We have become so used to the moribund, monotonous and craving for reforms economy of ours that no one actually pays any heed to such (non)sensible matters. And why should anyone? After all Aishwarya Rai’s size O (not zero) figure, KJo’s birthday bash and Lady Pandey’s striptease act is worth more attention and applause!

Another thing worth noticing is actors and sportspersons making inroads in politics. So, when Rekha makes an ambassadorial entry in the Rajya Sabha, the camera focuses more on Jaya. The master blaster Sachin Tendulkar seems to be hitting one century after another. Aila! He now has a house next to Rahulji’s.

The only time the government does manage to grab limelight is when oil prices rise, for the insensitive government strongly believes the conman (who cares about the common man?) can afford it or the Maharaja of skies is hit by turbulence (again) and is to be rescued by pumping another thousands of crores of taxpayers’ money or when the (over-burdened)MP’s demand special privileges! But when it does get down to doing some serious talks and stresses over the need to introduce #Reforms2.0 some eminent personalities-Mamata Banerjee, Sudarshan Patnaik, J. Jayalalitha and Montek Singh Ahluwalia are showered with impending attention or the opposition berserkly demands Chidambaram’s resignation.

Of the eminent personalities, The Iron Lady-Ms. Banerjee is totally averse to the idea of policy paralysis on the national arena. But isn’t being ignorant to centre’s proposals for key reforms her fundamental right at a time when reforms are taking place in her state at blazing fast speed? From Paschimbanga to banning periodicals to painting Kolkata blue and giving cartoons a fresh lease of life (The NCERT cartoon rocked the Parliament only after her cries over cartoons defaming her received critical acclaim).

Mr. Modi, on the other hand, runs a one-man army. No matter what plagues the country or NDA, he is Gujarat’s guardian. To him, India and his party are evil neighbours of his Bachcha(n) state. And secular is the word that will never be found in his dictionary whereas the dictionary begins from S (Sadhbhavana stupid!)

J. Jayalalitha (who? The forgotten actress) is full of vigour and emotions and leaves no opportunity to spew venom over Karunainidhi or share troubled waters with stately neighbours.

Navin Patnaik, the honourable Chief Minister of Orissa (Oops Odisha), touted to be India’s P.M. in the offing (Mr. Modi, hear that!). Articulate, wise and a man of his words, he has seen the state excel along with his increasing say in nation’s matters.

Montek Singh Ahluwalia deserves to be made the Healh Minister in the Union Cabinet. After all, he wants us to pee in lavish toilets built worth a budget of Rs. 35 lakhs and expect us to live within Rs. 28.

With so much not happening at a time when the General Elections (who cares about the President? Idiot!) are two years away, the Congress seems to be in deep slumber. And given that how filmi we Indians are at heart, it would not be a bad idea at all to experience Shanghai in Bharat’s hinterland for the dragon country is performing amazingly well on the world stage.

Don’t say: India suffers policy and political crisis.
Do say: Sonia ki chidiya, dengue, malaria.