By Shivani Singh:
This is a satirical piece written in a fictional situation if the government issues an emergency in the country. The situation of an emergency is imminent since the same government had done something similar when things got tough earlier. This is a piece for light reading and in no way offensive.
Calls for a party! Extended holiday?Â Yes, from today onwards we have an extended holiday. The good-willed Congress government just declared emergency on Thursday and the curfew starts from Friday till an indefinite period. No office, no school everyone’s home – a little quality time that the ‘modern’ 21st century family always craved for. It’s so good that after such a long time everyone will be at home — an extended holiday. Throw a party! But wait do remember you can’t call more than five people in one place. The good-willed Government’s order you see. But still, the party is on, right? The son won’t be rash driving his bike with his friends at night with the high risk of getting hurt (because there is a curfew). The daughter won’t be at night parties with boys (because the clubs will be shut under the emergency). The husband won’t have any secretary to romance with since they wouldn’t have office and they would stay at home. All thanks to this extended holiday granted by our well-thought government strategy.
In the political scene now you all don’t have to worry about the opposing statements coming from different political parties and then contemplating who is right. Now, all political parties are disbanded. No more hair-scrapping over whom to choose, no more scams will be unravelled which makes us sad that our country is being looted. There is a quote that only bad news makes news. But now only good news will make news. With the PM announcing the implementation of “No rest till it is the best — 20 Point” policies, there will be advancement in the country in every field including agriculture, economy, education and poverty.
Talking about agriculture, all the businessmen of the country’s leading 20 companies will be stripped of half their empire. The money will be given to the farmers who were “about” to commit suicide, we all know how our businessmen horde their money- through laundering. Isn’t it? It’s good finally they are shown the door.
Everyone who works in specific sectors on certain levels as described by the “Work Level Chart” issued by the good-willed government of India, will get the same amount of salary. There will be no rich, no poor. All offices will be taken over by the good-willed government to ensure that no ‘corruption’ creeps in and they will be the guardians of the treasury. All work will begin late next week. Every student in the country up to Class 10th will be shifted to the nearest good-willed government schools. Isn’t it fabulous that now you don’t have to go in protests outside private schools for lowering their fees? Private schools will be shut and their buildings will be given to the roadside dwellers. All kids will be equal; this will be a utopian egalitarian society.
This reminds me of the greatest gift that the good-willed government gave us through this emergency — No slums. No longer will filthy millionaire Hollywood directors be able to make defaming Indian films like “Slumdog Millionaire”. The government restored our integrity by destroying all slums, no more poor to care about, no more epicentres of epidemic diseases. Your cities will be beautiful again. Everything will be so systematic in this ‘till now god forsaken’ country, the public parks will be open for four hours in the evenings, and the radio broadcast will be for 10 hours. TV will be monitored.
Thank Goodness, after ages of seeing that strip on every channel “If you have any complaint regarding the content…please write to the ministry of Information and Broadcasting” , there finally won’t be any obscene content to complain about ! All the research that proved that television is bad for the mind of young individuals will become history now. Our children won’t become “couch potatoes”, no more “spoiling” because of the TV.
Furthermore, the greatest threat to our children’s ‘soft, unmolded minds’ – the internet. Finally it will be censored fully. No more social networks and chatting with ‘strangers’. Remember the cases where these ‘strangers’ killed someone’s son. No more explicit content for your kids, no more porn. All bulk mails stopped, so no more spamming your inbox now. Every email will be monitored by the good-willed government — now every terrorist attack will be foiled. The ridiculous blogs will be banned. And the best part, if you have suspicion on someone, you don’t have to wait for that person to harm you and then you file a FIR. You don’t have to wait. You suspect, the Police arrests! No more warrants required. The society will be free of every vice.
And for all of this good the only thing that our good-willed government has taken from us are the tiniest phrases like our freedom of speech and expression and our right to live. That’s all!