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The Great Indian Tamasha Called “ARRANGED MARRIAGE”

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By DR Pooja Tripathi:

The whole procedure of finding a perfect match for the son/daughter who have attained the so called marriageable age is amusing. Suddenly sprung up a whole new species called “Shadiraam Gharjode” who drop by every Sunday, suggest some “potential candidates” over heavy breakfast and two rounds of “adrak waali chai” and make your parents guilty of the fact that their daughter is still not married and when this phase ends then starts the real torture; matrimonial sites, profiles, calls asking “Ladki ka colour fair to hoga na, jyada healthy to nahi, koi past wagairah ho to bate de” and of course the compatibility acquires a different parameters, “aajkal B.E.+MBA ki demand jyada hai technical match ban jata hai” (Give me a break dude ,are you planning to discuss circuits all through your life) .When gotra, profession, dowry, family status are matched then they come down to taking the opinions of the future bride and groom

Why does this institution of arranged marriage survive in India in this day and age? The India I am talking about is of the educated middle class where the incidence of arranged marriages are not only high but also considered as a legitimate way of finding a mate The answer lies partly in the elasticity of this institution and indeed most traditional customs that allows it to expand its definition to accommodate modernity such that, today’s arranged marriages places individual’s will at centre and parents assume a role where their one hand is raised for blessing and other immersed in wallet.

The arrangement in arranged marriage is clearly a manufactured one, sometimes taking some pseudo forms like a blind date, online meet ups, the reality swayamvar type shows all aim to let one meet a potential spouse. Here the idea of love is not so gently manufactured by contriving a spark or overflow of hormones but rather a well planned robbery.

In the west the idea of marriage has a notion that starts when one proposes and the other can withhold it for an indefinite period of time So we have marriage as a mirage that shimmers frequently but materializes rarely but imagine the same, when venues and the day of Roka and even which car is to be given as a gift have been fixed, how can a girl think over the proposal?

In an era where future and security hold more promise than present, arranged marriages continue to hold their charm. Whether choked in tradition or cloaked with modernity this institution of arranged marriage needs some serious help because sustenance of a long term marriage brings along with it a personal growth

Wasn’t marriage, like life, un-stimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded? Wasn’t it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt?

You must be to comment.
  1. amrita

    hi miss! its gr8 to read ur article and learn 🙂

    because of this kind of mentality the marriage has lost their spirituality and ethics.

    1. Dr Pooja Tripathi

      Hello Amrita
      I truly believe in institution called marriage but the way it has been made a joke thru showoffs,dowry is what i criticize

  2. sansty

    I really can’t believe people obsessed with little advancement in mobile and IT, think that they can really write a blog on Arrange marriages.
    I belong to a generation of bits and numbers, so If you have any numbers or facts from anywhere which proves that Arrange marriage are not working in India, Then I think that will show that you have some understanding about life and this particular system.

    1. Dr Pooja Tripathi

      @bdc70897bcc00dedcdb8e685538ac53b:disqus -Its not about arrange marriages not working in India its about the whole commercialization of marriage in terms of cost benefit analysis

    2. gnandan12

      Hello Pooja,

      The concept of “commercialization of marriage” is not a new phenomenon that has bloomed in recent years. It was in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and perpetuates still in the 21st century. Only the method of practice has changed. So, it’s a cliched topic after all to write on. And to make India free of this social and cultural ailment, we not only need to understand the western culture – as you alluded to it in your article – but also to understand why we Indians are still in quest of attaning that feat similar to that of west in spite of following their step in every second of our daily life. In short, the response is the huge gap between Indian rural and urban culture. And as a journalist, I think writing on that issue makes more sense than on the commercialization of marriage, which is a stale topic.

  3. Amarpreet Kaur

    Arranged marriages in India have become more of a match-making business, where in parents have to show their financial might to the society (the lavish arrangements, the huge amount of money involved; in short ‘shoshebaazi’). There are n number of issues involved: caste, religion, family background, how much does the guy earn, and so on.The whole idea behind the concept of marriage, which was the union of two souls, has lost its meaning. The arranged marriage concept seems like more of a compromise that two people make to adhere to the norms of the society.

    1. Dr Pooja Tripathi

      thanks for agreeing with me Amarpreet

    2. nisshant

      dese days women r in love but the very women who r in love lodging complaint of rape against dere paramour , again if d things r not materialized dey again start hunting for some other guys again if it fails ,d hunting remains perpetual ……..n when dey r used enough n become redundant dey want to solemnize arrange marriage , wd it b justice for d groom who is in fact a virgin?

    3. nisshant

      U r talking about cast , a cast means a separate tradition , a separate guna,guna is inherited it cant b bought n sold , i m givng u an example u meet different casts ,irrespective of dre qualification dere behavior wd b quite different eg u meet a rajput he wd b a little bit aggressive but true u meet a shudra he wd b of low mentality even if he may b an IAS , its a truth if u can find………….its genetic guna which is being transferred generation to generation ie sato ,razo n tamo gunas!, n suppose a brahmin girl marries a lower cast her son ll ask someday who we r ,what ll she say , son! i m brahmin but u have become now a shudra cuz ur daddy is shudra , in ancient period when a brahmin woman married a shudra d son was called chandal!who used to live in d outskirt of d town n only watching him was a sin its just indicative , history never changes only name changes .

  4. Ananya Krishnan

    Exactly! I totally agree with you. Sometimes, even girls as young as 14 or 15 are carted off to be marriage, just because the parents don’t have the money to educate her.
    I wrote a blog post on this topic around a month back, at http://sunsandstarsanddreams.wordpress.com/2012/09/09/the-indian-misconception-of-marriage/

  5. Parvandh Gowadia

    It is a pleasure to have read your article and I hope you take no insult or injury to my reply, for the purpose is neither. Although I could hear your voice raw with passion I did not find it laden with consideration because seriously Dr Tripathi, life is never so simple. You see the complexion of life arise for the existence of the face that we must at the end share the same resources on the earth with everyone else. Consider this I am a very wealthy and prominent business man. I’ve built my company through sweat and blood of over 50 years of work and my son is the sole heir to my empire. You see my wealth has a tendency to attract people who I wouldn’t want in my presence but my son is a person high on testosterone and being fairly handsome he tends to attract a lot of women. Women have a natural talent to be able to manipulate because they are emotionally stronger to men, but it is also a defense mechanism. If a woman with ulterior motives were to flip my son head over heels get married to him then divorce him take half of all he own and all of his happiness, I would blame myself to all eternity. I was my son’s father and I failed to do my duty to my son. I was smarter, elder and more experienced then he was and I failed to protect him.

    It would be very much the same for the daughter. Although security exists for my son in the court of law, as a parent it is my duty that I protect him never-the-less. You must understand that arrange marriage exists for a reason. To reject something purely on the points of it’s disadvantage and not even to bother with it’s advantage is the literal definition of “half-baked knowledge”. As I’ve said this, i again beseech you not to think of this as an insult which is the last of my intention. Rather an explanation on why your theory is prone to fall short. Although I must agree with you that the manner and etiquette of arranged marriage have taken a rather ugly turn. But rather than reject the notion of arranged marriage completely, i suggest you restructure it so as to make it elegant. I know, probably your response might be that it is difficult to restructure a custom, but the good things in life often aren’t easy to acquire.

    Au Revoir Dr Tripathi.

    1. nisshant

      Its simply great!its a mature reply,n what u mentioned above is happening in d name of love ……………love is not that easy madam! , a few people can find true n selfless love , most of people have to accept arrange marriage ,there is no way otherwise dey ll remain unmarried for whole life ,its true for both male n female .but women need to b vigilant , a man can accommodate wd new woman but for women its quite difficult so ………….what should i say?

  6. Sasha

    Hello everyone

    There is a reply which says that life is not very simple and blah blahblah. He goes on to say that it’s his duty
    to marry his son our daughter. Exactly my point, it is not your duty, marriage is between two adults and
    may go wrong or right. Its for adults and very private so it’s none of your duty, let your children grow up.

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