By Shashank Tiwary:
As the holidays drew closer, I started making plans about travelling home. I had to decide how to travel and frankly speaking there was nothing to decide. As the kind of lazy I am, I don’t ever get a train reservation done. Not even with those online bookings and Tatkal schemes. I thought of travelling by air, but due to my limited pocket money that plan soon vanished into thin air. So, I boarded a bus and like I said, there was nothing to decide.
I am not quite into travelling. In fact, I don’t even like travelling to the fridge when someone asks me to fetch a glass of water. But then, travelling has its own benefits too. You get to see some really beautiful sights and I am not talking about the beauty of nature, if you know what I mean. I hoped that some ‘beautiful’ girl would acquire my adjacent seat. Or, maybe just a girl.
However, during my journey I noticed some of the incidents that DO happen whenever you travel across our country
1. There will be a cute girl who would board the same bus along with zillions of relatives of hers. You would try to roam around her seat, make eye contact, but then you would hold your emotions on checking her brother’s muscles.
2. There is always a ‘Just Married’ couple in the bus who would keep doing those mushy romantic things. And you would die a thousand deaths right there if you are single, just like I did. Statistics suggest that 99% of those ‘Just Married’ aunts somehow look smoking hot which would add salt on your wounds.
3. Then, there are the oldies. These people take the saying ‘Old is Gold’ way too seriously and to a complete different level. Old is Gold except when you’re dealing with Indian politics and college professors. They can talk about the Indian weather and Sonia Gandhi like forever. One of them gave me that “how-dare-you’’ look when I bought a Filmfare magazine.
4. Then, the actual person (whom you wished to be some cute girl- Ouch) on your adjacent seat. They are mostly the ranting kind, like, “don’t open the window, don’t play music, don’t fall over my shoulder while sleeping, keep your luggage on your side’’. And you would so desperately want to throw him out of the window.
5. Another interesting character that you would come across is the bus driver. He’ll play songs that can put even Justin Beiber to shame. ‘Pardesi pardesi jana nahi, Tum toh thehre pardesi saath kya nibhaoge’ seem to be their all time favourite. And he will resort to telling you his own love story contemplating its being the plot for DDLJ-2.
6. Then the type who try to get so very over-friendly. He would offer you Parle G and in exchange eat your Bourbon. He would share (read: use it as his own) your water bottle to your earphones to your blanket. He would keep telling you stories about himself, his family, his college, his dog, his childhood crush and so on. And you would feel like puking on his face.
7. There are these hotels/dhabas where the bus stops for snacks etc. Ironically more than worrying about the food, you keep searching for a proper place to pee.
8. There’s a time during the journey when your phone’s battery dies, your fellow passengers are busy. You look at the bus window and it makes you think about your life. You think about your past and tend to get all serious until you get a glimpse of the hot aunty suddenly and you’re back to being your-lazy-ass-normal-self.
9. Finally, you are about to reach your destination. You shift your luggage near the door and realize that the journey was fun despite those sufferings. Somewhere you would miss, if only for a while, that little cute kid, the bus driver’s story, that nagging passenger and obviously the hot item, oops aunt!
P.S- I did not write the last point. Not because I forgot, but I want you to add your own experiences.