A Day In The Life Of Arnab Goswami

Posted on March 12, 2013 in Specials

By Sumedha Bharpilania:

Dear Diary,

Life is certainly unfair. I come to you because I have no one else to go to, in this cruel, tempest-tossed nation of ours. I got bashed by another feminist, another cynical observer of the media today. The amount of ridicule that I face every single day of my life haunts my being. My mother always said that I was a superhero, that I was the messiah who was born in order to rescue this world from evil. I therefore created an avatar for myself; I am ‘Question Man‘. And instead of respecting and getting floored by my presence, the nation mocks me. Why dear diary, why? Give me an answer.

They say that my Assamese origin is the reason behind the fumes that I vent out on a daily basis. They say that it is the consumption of Bhut Jolokia pepper that can be attributed to my fiery self. Do you think this even makes sense? What in the name of God is wrong with the nation today? Why are people acting like the guests on my show who cannot even speak in order to save their lives? Dear diary, I urge you to give me an answer.

My past haunts my being 24X7 and the Times I am living in Now do nothing to help. I have been accused of being belligerent and people say that I only excel in cutting them off. But no no no no, before you proceed to counter my statement, I must assure you of the fact that it is our neighbours who have always been antagonistic and aggressive. It is Mr Dented and Painted Mukherjee who has always had a withdrawal syndrome. It is Asaram Bapu’s representative who was cowardly enough to run away from my show. It is you dear diary, who is refusing to speak despite my several attempts to move you into giving me an answer. Say something dear diary, you will have to explain why and how I am supposed to be responsible for everything that is wrong with the media today.

Look at this paper I am holding dear diary. It contains a list of all my achievements till date. I want you to look at it and tell me how much of a shining star I am. People avoid me; they refuse to talk to me these days because they believe that I am too verbose and overpowering. I admit that I was a bit of a bully in school, but that does not mean that I shall continue to be so as a grown man who is the editor-in-chief of the best news channel in the country. I am hurt dear diary, I am badly troubled.

I wanted to have Dr Manmohan Singh on Newshour the other day as his trial is long due. But the man refuses to answer in the affirmative apart from a frail “theek hai“. Sigh, I should be the Prime Minister of our nation, I could even give Modi ji a run for his money owing to the several talents that I possess. Don’t you think so too, my precious little diary?

Dear Diary, I should be running now, I have bagged a contract with Bose to be the brand ambassador of their world class stereo speakers which are so good, that they can shake the floor. They said that they could not have a better person to represent their product. I am overwhelmed. My hindi may not be very good, but one cannot deny the fact that “heere ki parakh toh sirf johri hi jaanta hai“. Don’t you think that you are the luckiest diary in the world because you get a chance to listen to MY personal stories on a daily basis? I know you are. I love you too.

This is a work of fiction and taking it too seriously will lead you to being questioned by Mr Goswami on Newshour.