“I Live My Life Online”: The Diary Of An Average Facebooker

Posted on June 16, 2013 in At The Crossing

By Lata Jha: 

Dear Diary,

Life, I feel, is a theatre performance. And I love that I get to spend some part of it on stage. There’s so much “on my mind”, so much I have to share, so much I have to say, so much I have to be. Which is why I choose the single most accessible platform to weave my dream. The world on Facebook is my ultimate source of glory, strength, solace and joy. I find it easy to live my dream online. It’s not like I don’t have a life of my own in reality, I just prefer the one online.

facebookMy virtual existence helps me be the person I want to be. It helps me flaunt every single aspect about myself that I cherish. For starters, I have to let people know of the wonderful places I visit, when and with whom. For the same reason, I love the ‘check in’ option. It’s like waving to the paparazzi. What else is Facebook meant for really? It helps me let people know that I absolutely love my life, or at least make it seem so. I just put up pictures of the pasta I had for lunch, and letting the world know what I ate made me feel so strangely empowered.

There is no way their lives would be worthwhile without knowing how cool, fun, feisty and rebellious I am. At the same time, I realize that I must reveal my talented and successful side as well. So, I make sure I post updates about my marks, my placements, my scores, every single trophy, medal and stationery kit that I win, besides of course, cribbing constantly about how much work I have to do and how I don’t have a moment to myself. It doesn’t matter that I choose to spend more time cribbing than actually working.

I love that I get to create an identity for myself. Everybody knows that I express my indignation by a casual ‘Dafuq’ and my amusement with the immortal ‘Lol’. This isn’t real vocabulary but who said we needed to be chained like we were in school? My expression is my identity, and it’s important that I express myself to make my wonderful presence felt in the lives of all those on my precious ‘list’.

These are people who range from kids who left my school after kindergarten to a cousin’s colleague I met once at a party(whose pictures I had to untag myself from) but it’s absolutely necessary that they know that I’m in a relationship, and with whom. When we feel the affection for each other and post ‘I can’t do without you, baby! :* <3’ on each other’s timelines, it’s only going to seem that much cuter.

But honestly, I do see a future with him. My parents don’t know about him yet, but people on my “list” do. They will watch our love grow. I also know what I’m going to call the wedding albums. Considering there would be one for each event, they have to all sound adorable. From “Harmonious Haldi” to “Crazy Cocktails”, I have it all planned. Must make sure I ask Ranjan, the photographer guy to send me all the pictures by the end of each day. Uploading them all at once would be too much of a task. So many options I would have for profile pictures! It would be freaking insane!

But life isn’t a fairy tale. It does have its share of stresses, I tell you. There is just so much I have to do. Like right now, I must make sure I charge my camera well for my sister’s birthday this week. More than the preparations, it’s important that I capture the moments for the 584 people on my list, in whom my source of joy lies.

Must also get started with preparing the customary status and the one day profile picture. I might spend the rest of the year being absolutely overbearing, but that is the one day the world has to know that she means so much to me. I hate people who think Facebook is meant to bring us all together and reflect on important issues. Bullshit. I mean, who are these fossils doling out moral scriptures? It’s meant to live the life you want to. It’s meant to flaunt all that you’ve got. It’s an ego booster, often a ray of sunshine, your solace and strength. Why else would we all spend so much time on it, whether we’re in class, in the loo, at a meeting or at a funeral? All by ourselves or with friends we’ve met after years?

Facebook has taken the world by storm. In fact, it is quite a world itself. That’s enough for today. Have to go now. Oh, my dog just pooped. Must update immediately.

Hugs and kisses, :* :*