By Nupur Dogra:
Leading director Shyam Bhopal Sharma(SBS) was searching for the latest controversy of the nation to make his next film. He switched on the news channel and saw the famous anchor debating with himself about the prime ministerial candidates of 2014 Lok Sabha elections in India. Immediately he came up with idea of making his next Bollywood flick “Main Prime Minister bannana chata/ chati hoon”. After deciding the title he went to various leaders to know about their prime ministerial aspirations to keep his movie realistic. Here’s an account of his experience:
1. Rahul baba
Shyam bhpoal sharma:Â Sir, why do you think you will become the next Prime Minister?
Rahul baba : See its quite clear. Diggy has told me that no one else in this country deserves to be a PM better than me. See I can explain you the logic. Most of the hospitals, trains, Airports and roads are named after my ancestors, this implies all of them belong to me. Practically I own this country. Who else can take better care of my property?
So, I should become the next PM.
SBS : Errr… sir but that was tax payer’s money and those are just named after your ancestors as memorials.
Rahul baba : (laughs) No wonder you are an ignorant idiot, it’s not called tax . It’s the love shown by the people to us, the royal family of India. Now you may leave as I have to go out of country and will return at the time of my Rajya Abhishek. And you all are invited to the event after 2014 loksabha elections (ahh! Formalities, I tell u!! )
SBS : Mam, why do u think you deserve to be the next PM of India?
Didi: You ignorant idiot! How dare you ask me such a futile question? Can’t you see everyone be it BJP, Congress, DMK, SP, BSP,AIDMK, JD (U),CPI, AAP etc. All of them are conspiring against me. They fear that Aam Admi (common man) will rise and vote for me. They don’t want women of our country to have the freedom like Bengali women have. They don’t want women of the whole nation to feel safe like women of Bengal do. They simply don’t want common man to flourish. But, once I become the PM imagine whole nation would suffer…err..experience the good I have done to Bengal. See even Kolkata Knight Riders won in my reign.
I will lead the third front and we will win! Aami Ekla Chalo Re!
SBS : But mam, 3rd front seems to be impossible and even if a miracle happens, the government may become unstable in future.
Didi: How dare you question the brilliant plan of the future PM. Oh! You have red handkerchief in your left pocket. You are a Maoist. Get out!
3. Mulayam Singh Yadav :
SBS : Sir where do you seeÂ yourselfÂ in upcoming elections?
MSY : See, Akhilesh beta is now taking care of UP now. I think my whole country deserves the kind of social work we do in UP. You can read in my biography and now a documentary is also being made on my great contributions for the country. Apaatkaal Ka Mahanayak (Megastar of Emergency)
SBS: Sir, by emergency you mean the way you rescued UPA-2 after didi pulled out?
MSY: Oh! Ignorant idiot you are! It is about my role as a minister during emergency in 1977. Do watch it and enlighten yourself.
SBS: Sir, one more question…
MSY: No more questions! Can’t you see it takes so much energy to speak? I need to save my energy for my after election speech.
4. Nitish Kumar:
SBS: Sir, after leaving NDA, where do you think your party stands in 2014 Lok Sabha elections?
NK : Obviously at the top ! I have realised it now. Everyone says that people of Bihar are all over the country. And they all are my responsibility. This implies I have to play a larger role in the country. I have taken the best decision of my life by breaking the alliance with NDA. Finally after 17 years, I realised that I was on the communal side. See even our Prime Minister who is known for his oath to silence has praised me. I feel so special and blessed. Now, go away I need to gear up for elections.
5. NaMO :
SBS : Sir, where do you see yourself after lok sabha elections 2014?
NaMO : Where do you see me?
SBS : Sir, but… people are considering you as Prime Ministerial candidate.
NaMO : Its totally people’s wish. How can I refuse people’s wish?
SBS : err.. Sir I meant some people .
NaMO : Have you counted?
SBS: err..Sir but..Another question; it is said that it is your P.R. company’s hard work and not yours that is propagating you as the future Prime Minister.
NaMO : No doubt everyone calls you an ignorant idiot. It is not the hard work of PR appointed by me. The opposition and media are my real PR companies. In the movie ‘dirty picture’, Vidya Balan has aptly said “logon ka naam unke kaam se hota hai, Mera to badnaam hokar hua .”
Note: All of the above answers are imagined by the author. And after reading it please do not expect a movie. Because, daily soaps are already running on similar scripts by our “so called” news channels.