This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Youth Ki Awaaz. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz. Find out more
There Are More Reasons Than One To Stop “Male Bashing” Every Time We Get A Chance
More from Youth Ki Awaaz
By Ananya Rastogi:
I represent the educated, middle class woman of our society. She knows what she wants, has equal opportunities as any man, is not afraid to speak out her mind and is a proud feminist. And as a representative of this class, I just want to say enough with the male bashing already!
Every second blog that I come across is a feminist ranting about portrayal of women in songs, movies, advertisements, internet, about how they hate it when somebody hints at how their place is in the kitchen, how they are expected to take care of the kids and so on and so forth. Yes, the portrayal does make my blood boil and I seethe with rage if somebody as much as tells me that I will have to let go of my career for my future family and kids because I am expected to fulfil a role in society. But aren’t men at the receiving end of such opinions too? Yet I don’t see them dishing out complaints and pointing out how they are seen as nothing but objects of money/ security! Oh and let me clarify once again, I am a feminist.
Now being a science student, I’ll do this logically. I’ll divide society into two parts. One is the sensible, well read, level headed group, say group A and the other is the group who have worthless opinions which they must voice as we live in a democracy, group B. Both groups have men and women. What the feminists are doing is bashing the whole male race because of some idiotic comments of men from group B. Come now, grow up! I am sure people in group B must have said things derogatory to men too. I don’t see men from group A claiming that their sentiments have been hurt!
Yes, the songs of Sheila and Munni are demeaning to women. Women in movies are shown to be one of the following:
1. Manipulative
2. Bimbette
3. Spending her time waiting for true love.
But now look at the men in our movies. They can be categorized too.
1. Manipulative
2. Violent or rapists
3. Stalkers (in Ranjhanaa)
Yes, the women are shown not to know their own mind, are shown as weak willed and nothing like the strong woman of today. But just look again, men are shown as pelvic thrusting morons- I believe no self respecting, decent man could relate to any of the heroes of our “new, coming of age, progressive cinema”.
Coming to the advertisements, yes, women are shown as objects of desire in all the deo/ perfume, soap advertisements but in the same ones men are shown as desperate, losers trying to ensnare women all the time be it through a bike, a chocolate, a fragrance, a soap or a mobile. Yes, the women are shown to lose confidence if they are not fair/ thin/ acne free. But in the same form of media we see that losing hair/ being fat is supposedly a death knell for men too!
About the notions of general society, well for every girl who has to listen to how if her rotis are not round she won’t get married, a boy has to listen to how if he does not make enough money, he won’t get married. I agree that cooking and laundry might not be what a woman looks forward to when she returns after a day at work but I don’t think I have ever seen a man whooping with joy at the prospect of getting the car serviced or sorting out the taxes. They have a life as tough as ours.
For all of you who by now are convinced that I am not in any way a feminist and are getting huffy, save your anger for some other place. I am against dowry, I abhor unequal treatment at the work place, I believe that girls and boys should get equal opportunities to follow their dreams, I want safety for women, I want women not to be labelled loose if they have had two boyfriends. And that makes me a feminist.
You must be logged in to comment.
Jyotindra Nath
Brilliantly written and very very logical.
pandey
First of all who r u to divide d society ?n u said women shd not b considered cheap when she has more dan one boy friend ,even law cant put a ban on opinion n intentions can u force someone to have good opinion about someone ,is it practical ?,i consider a woman cheap when she has only one boy friend cuz she is not going to get married wd him ,n she ll marry to some other guy when she ll b enough used up both physically n emotionally.People eat grain not chaff!.I have experienced women r more possessive dan men u cant compliment another woman if d woman with whom u r having coffee is just ur friend .
Ananya Rastogi
Are you sure you understand the topic of the article?
pandey
without understanding d topic what was d need to leave a comment u have tried to console men n that too insincerely ,u have just tried to b sympathetic towards men ,after perusal of ur article any one can understand that instances u quoted r only superficial , actual problem u cant understand ,it seems that u have written dis article under duress someone has pointed a gun on ur temple n made u write this article , u cant understand? Madam! well! we are grateful to u at least u tried to understand the plight of men,cuz all ur effort went en vain by,last line of ur article;’I want women not to be labelled loose if they have had two boyfriends. And that makes me a feminist’ what do u want to say by this statement?polyandry shd b allowed ,if polygamy is looked down upon den how can polyandry b allowed,this is a tool of exploitation by male or female .then where is d difference rich men practice polygamy(in modern way makes gfs) but a common man cant have more than one girl n even dat girl is busy wd other person ,for women need not b a rich woman dey can make n no. of bfs so on one hand u r showing sympathy n on d other hand ur preaching girls to b promiscuous why this ambivalence ?
Ananya Rastogi
So according to that if equality between the two sexes is assumed then even men shouldn’t date. If a woman with even one or two boyfriends (and let me clarify that the woman is not seeing two guys at the same time) is promiscuous then even a man who has ever dated anyone has questionable character?
pandey
Yes ! they have questionable character !, i can give n no. of examples ,in a civil society i dont know about urs u may belong to rich class but if my parents discover that i drink occasionally u cant imagine d aftermath of disaster ,if my society discovers dat i drink or i have a relationship wd any women i wood b deemed unfit for d marriage n its not a joke ,in school we read in hindi lessons why Harivansh rai bachhan wrote Madhushal! he married 2nd time after d death of his first wife he had to bear d taunts n insult for d second marriage ,if u think dat men r exalted for more dan one relationship den ur in illusion , if u survey honestly u ll find at least 60% men without having any relationship n dey wait for only marriage , n d poor guys when get married dey get psycho girls cuz these girls had n no. of relationships n she is busy fantasizing about them n there by neglecting her own husband , no one has time to ensnare girls n every body doesnt know this art either a simple person has to wait for marriage n before marriage he practices celibacy n at least remains a virgin this is truth about middle class i dont know about hi phy society ,they may b more open towards dere relationship n i totally oppose promiscuity whether its male or female ,where is time? husband comes from office he expects someone cd provide him a cup of tea but wife is busy having Coffey wd her bf in ccd .This is the reason why marriages r being dissolved n who is victim only male ,women ll get another boyfriend but male becomes a second hand .To day we see ,no body is happy ,the reason is un satiable desire n passion ,why do we need marriage ,different people ll define it differently ,its not just union of two bodies but also its a confluence of two souls , why we despise polygamy or polyandry cuz by doing polygamy or polyandry we prove our partner worthless………i cant write more lots of reasons and many minds many finds so people ll do whatever day like why shd i burden my mind……………..
Ananya Rastogi
In case your society has equal standards for men and women, then great, even if they do not match my ideas. But how you managed to make guys the victim is so hilarious. The opposite scenario is equally rampant, where the woman is perfection personified and waits for her husband at home with tea but the husband comes late after going out with his girlfriend.
Anyway, this was in no way the topic of my article. And this has turned into a never ending discussion about men vs. women which is getting lame. All I have said is that women should stop acting like the victims and stop male bashing. You would do well to do the same and stop victimising men and making women to be monsters.
Raj
@Ananya : Thanks for this article! I think you posted in my support in another article’s comments. Thanks for that.
Your article is pretty important since it not only counters the fundamentalist feminists but also stops fundamentalist masculists from promoting their misogyny
pandey
Madam!i i have just expressed my opinion , i m not a gaddafi , osama or saddam ! if my opinion is not worthwhile i can revoke my words …………what else can i do?
Raj
@Pandey : I think you are making this very narrow and personal. So what if a woman is promiscuous. Don’t date her. Find someone who isn’t. That goes for women too, they too can avoid playboys and look for sensible men.
If your gf isn’t the loyal type, then don’t marry her. If your wife is cheating on you, divorce her. If you feel like cheating on her, then go ahead but be ready if she divorces you. And if you can’t find girls to date, then that is YOUR PROBLEM. The vast majority of women are heterosexual, so it isn’t like women aren’t interested in men. They are, but probably not you. You can’t blame women or other men for your failings.
You may be against what you define as promiscuity but don’t enforce your rules on other people. Live and let live.
pandey
i have a bald head, i have crooked teeth, n m as black as night so its quite evident dat no women wd like to date me n i know it so i dont dare to think about women but i m talking about other people , i have seen d awkward situation of other people cuz of infidelity of women ,u have said things directly , u please once again read my comments ,u ll find ur answer ur talking about same thing……….i cant thrust my opinion on others but i do have a right to have my opinion …………i m not an mp !only parliament can make law for us .we r just small fries … ………..apun ko kya malum …………….bidi chai paan milta hai bas apun khush!!!!!!!!!.(your problem)……i have seen families being ruined cuz of infidelity of women …………………..,there was no mistake of men ,i have seen lots of families being destroyed cuz of selfishness of women ………….
Raj
@Pandey: Infidelity happens from both sides, not just women. Why blame only women? And I agree that infidelity can wreck families no doubt. In many cases the woman is at fault but in many cases she is the victim. She has to take care of the kids and the house when the man leaves her for some other woman. You have a point but you have to take into account the bad behavior of men too.
In the end we must support both men and women who have been betrayed but frankly we can not stop the betrayer. After all thats his choice and we cant force him to be faithful
Raj
I came across this sickening abuse of anti-rape laws. I ask everyone, especially women to give their views. I am personally dumb-founded that this lady could stoop so low and so badly misuse rape laws to take revenge against her “boyfriend” for not marrying her. She is doing rape victims a grave injustice and making a mockery of a heinous crime like rape.
Techie booked for raping colleague
TNN | Jul 15, 2013, 05.24 AM IST
PUNE: The Hinjewadi police booked a 28-year-old software engineer for allegedly raping his colleague after promising to marry her. The rape took place between 2010 and April 2013 in Hinjewadi.
A complaint lodged by a 25-year-old software engineer stated that the suspect also duped her of Rs 1.25 lakh. However, the police could not arrest the suspect as he had already obtained an anticipatory bail.
Assistant inspector of Hinjewadi police station P B Bhasme told TOI that the complainant and the suspect met in 2009, when they were working in a software company in Hinjewadi. “The suspect was a senior colleague of the victim,” Bhasme said.
After getting acquainted with each other, the suspect began visiting the victim’s rented room in Hinjewadi. “On the promise of marrying her, the suspect allegedly raped her for two years. He also took her in a hotel in Wakad and raped her there too,” Bhasme said.
During that period, the suspect lost his job and the victim bore his expenses. “She also paid the suspect’s rent,” Bhasme said.
“The victim had spent about Rs 1.25 lakh on him,” he said. However, in April 2013, the suspect married another girl. “The victim came to know of his marriage recently and lodged a complaint against him,” Bhasme said. “Currently, both of them are working in separate IT companies,” he added.
On Saturday, when the police went to arrest the suspect, they found that he had already obtained an anticipatory bail. “The next hearing on his bail application is on July 17,” Bhasme said. tnn
akash
Comment *
chill ananya.I guess pandey is of the group B