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The Urgent Need To Deconstruct The Popular Idea Of ‘Beauty’

By Hanima Nawaz:

To call someone, be it a girl or a guy, ‘beautiful inside‘ is an open insult nowadays. As it really makes the person believe that there is nothing beautiful about their body. Its disgusting how anyone can judge whether a person is beautiful or not.

Beauty

This is the stupidest issue that mainly girls have been facing since a long time. Stupid, yet serious. Yes I am fat, short, my face is bigger than the rest of my body, the only ‘worldly’ beautiful part of me are my eyes that I inherit from my mother. But people call me beautiful when I smile. They love it when I dance or sing or crack jokes and they adore me when I am in my favorite clothes. But I never really let them any excuse to tell me I do not look pretty. They believe I am beautiful because I believe I am beautiful.

A friend of mine who is really close to me has been insulted by many other girls only because she is fatter than them. But when I look at her, I see a confident and smart girl with a broad forehead perfectly complimenting her long silk smooth hair with tiny black pearl eyes and rose colored lips and the final divine touch of a lovely egg shaped face cut. And hence, I see no reason to not call her pretty. She has been rejected for marriages just because she is fat.

A girl is not pretty just because a she is fat, dark complexioned or has any physical disability? Does she not deserve respect or love, like others?

Girls taunting girls, ages of well known torture. But men, well they really make an amazing case here. The list of my male friends is longer than that of my girlfriends’. My male buddies sometimes ask me to hook them up with any of my girlfriends and when asked what kind of girl would they like to meet? The only replies I get are good looking, smokin hot and not too boys friendly. They just want a fashion model to sit next to them. And that makes girls who do not fit the requirement, feel cheap and unworthy. Before rejecting someone, a girl or a boy, the person shall give valid reasons to it. And not insult them by saying they are not beautiful enough.

Breaking someone’s heart and insulting them only because of the outer beauty and physical problems is the sign of how shallow and superficial a person can be. And this needs to change.

You must be to comment.
  1. Raj

    ” Its disgusting how anyone can judge whether a person is beautiful or not.”
    Says who? You? You are entitled to your own beliefs and others have every right to judge you. If they don’t approve of your obesity, so be it. If you don’t approve of their condescension, so be it.

    I believe that being able to judge is essential to my individuality.As a living and thinking adult, I would prefer to judge on my own, rather than being fed pre-digested judgements. I am proud that I can judge things for myself, beauty or otherwise.

    And that goes for shallow boys who want fashion models as companions, so be it. Either you can pander to them at the loss of your values or just ignore them.
    And you forgot to mention that there are shallow girls too who just want to marry a rich and powerful man. Which is why men are out there killing themselves to earn wealth and esteem in the society. I haven’t heard many women sticking up for unemployed losers who sit at home all day, however sweet and caring he might be. So shallowness works both ways.

    What’s the solution? There is no perfect solution. If you insist on going against prevailing trends, then you will be independent but lonely. If you follow along, then you will have companionship, but you have to make compromises. In the end, the choice is yours.

  2. Rishi

    I think i agree with Raj to some extent and don’t end up calling me a sexist for that!

    I also have a long list of male friends and a longer list of female friends, and if there is one thing that i know about them (and i would deduce and generalize the result on others here as well) is that anyone who wants to be “set up” with a guy or a girl, is looking for fun and not necessarily love. Now you tell me, someone who is beautiful at heart or a nice person that is, would she want to be a party to something like that?

    Also, though beauty is not a virtue of any sorts, if i decide to freely recommend everyone on that, and justify myself by saying “oh i find her this perfectly going with that”, then what happens to the ones who are genuinely pretty? So now you have a girl who is fat (but pretty) and very intelligent, and a girl who just pretty (genuinely) not so intelligent. What does the pretty girl do? She has no takers now, because she is only beautiful, which everyone is.

    Come on.. Stop being so hurt.. give this inferiority up..

    Also, i am happy that nothing but your parents matter for you, since if you keep writing articles like these, you will need a lot immunity.

    Sorry about this!

    1. Raj

      I haven’t said anything sexist. All I’m trying to say is that people will be people. Physical beauty is desired by all. It’s not something new. For centuries, across all cultures, physical beauty in both men and women has been praised. See the statues, the paintings and our temples. So this human obsession with beauty is not a product of media and consumerism, but it is inherent to humans. Physical beauty is a very good indicator of youth, health and lack of disease, which is why physically attractive mates are prized.

      No doubt the author, feels rejected and hurt due to the treatment meted out by her guy-friends. But I can’t defend her obesity and say that it is OK. Being slightly above your ideal weight is fine. But being over 10% overweight is not desirable, not just from their beauty perspective but also health. You should seriously consult a nutritionist and take action. And you can’t compare obesity with a physical disability or dark skin. Nobody is born obese and obesity is very much reversible.

      Beyond that, if you really want to play the mating game, you will have to make effort for that. You will have to do things that make yourself more social, dress better and engage others. And this isn’t a sexist advice for women, it is equally applicable for men too.

  3. hanima

    Hi… There is nothing here in the article, that says that I am hurt or I am jealous from anyone else. Its a plea that I heard from many of my friends. I did not say that girls are not superficial. As you can see above I clearly stated that anyone being rejected a girl or a guy shall never get hurt knowing the fact that the person they like is embarrassed of tem only because of their physical appearance. I do not have any issues regarding my obesity. I am not feminist. I am proud just as I am. I am trying to make a plea for people to know that physical apearance is not everything. But I also know that these comments are a reflection of other people perspective. Just like they wrote what they thout about the topic, I wrote the the article keeping in mind what I felt thinking about it. A

    1. Raj

      Yes that is what you are saying. I’m expressing a counter-view that physical appearance does play some role when it comes romantic relationships. That is the context here. It does not play in many other contexts. For example if you are a brilliant student, you will have many people respecting you for that, especially before exams. Here your physical appearance doesn’t count. But that same “respect” doesn’t help when it comes to courtship.

  4. sai

    She has been rejected for marriages just because she is fat.

    The double standards of the people. Its not that no one in this world is not ready to marry her. But she would consider that she deserves better. The guy she wouldn’t want to marry must be not good looking or earning enough to meet her expectations(go preach her, salary or looks shouldn’t be the yardstick like you are preaching here). I don’t see any harm if the guys do the same to her. Its capitalism. Let the invisible hands of demand and supply determine the match for her.

    1. soni

      well said

    2. hhimanshu

      u nailed it

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