If you are married then you must have heard this statement, at least, once in your lifetime and those who are not married must have said to their friends umpteen number of times. Well to be honest, I was one of those who would not leave a chance to pass such a comment, albeit with no intention to hurt anyone.
When my marriage was fixed, I promised myself to be different than most of my friends who forgot their best buddies right after they took their vows. With these thoughts in my mind and all those promises I relocated to a new city after my marriage. I was, indeed, happy that I was coming to a place where I have my school friends, ex-colleagues and family. I had already made plans of how I would spend time with them, whether it was shopping or just a movie marathon.
Everything was new to me and I mean everything! Whether it was my bed or bathroom or my favourite towel or my toothbrush. Everything was brand new! I missed the old towel that I had used. Though I had an arranged marriage, my husband was the only known thing that I had courtesy the number of visits/phone calls during our courtship.
Slowly, yet patiently I was moving on with my so-called new life or married life, to be precise. You end up juggling with ten different things in life and the only support system you have are your friends. But I’m really confused if it’s true that you lose your friends to marriage? Do you change with the circumstances that you are in or you change to make things like before? What happens when your friends don’t understand why you didn’t turn up for a party? Or should you have really gone by not meeting those relatives who had just dropped by to visit the newly wedded?
You have spent some of your best and worst time with these friends. They know you inside out but why do they suddenly start judging you with everything you do after marriage? It’s not like I was any less busy when I was single either, in office work, dance classes or grocery shopping. I have missed many parties but was never judged for it. Nobody said that I lost a friend to office work or dance classes, so why now???
Am I taking too much of pressure of being the old me or do my friends simply don’t understand? Am I reading too much into what they’re saying? Do I just keep quiet and don’t care about what they are saying and try very hard to be the “before” me or should I patiently wait for them to get married and do a reality check?
However, what I did realize is that the change is not just for me but also for them. Now that I have additional priorities and have started a new life, the amount of time that I can devote to my best buds has reduced. This comes as a change that they are also trying to cope up.
“I do understand” is a common euphemism that people hide behind when in reality they do not understand! Change is the only constant in life opposed by everyone used to a certain way in life! Now that the life-changing event a.k.a. my marriage has occurred, everyone linked to my life is also slowly coming to terms with the changes that have resulted due to my linkage with them. Only time solves this problem.
The bottom line is that, I, as a person have not changed but my life definitely has. This means that there will be changes for my friends, family and self. Time will help bring everyone on the same page!