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Groping, Eve Teasing, Lewd Comments: Don”t Get Used To It Only Because It Keeps Happening

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Submitted Anonymously:

We live in a society where rapists and rape incidents dominate the newspaper everywhere and the ‘lesser‘ important offences can never make headlines in our country. Imagine, when every day some of our sisters are being raped in our very own neighbourhood, then who has the time to focus on girls who are ‘merely’ being eve teased, some of them just being groped in public transports or likewise, facing lewd remarks each day from filthy men. We are satisfied that at least they didn’t get raped!

eve teasing

I have no intentions of illustrating a horrific incident; I am sure being ‘proud’ citizens of this patriarchal country, we all have heard enough stories to give chills to our spine. There are chances of my story being forgotten as a routine affair or perhaps ignite us to take a stand, I do not know which would happen nor do I care. Because I think it is shameful that such affairs happen on a routine and nobody really cares.

Ever since I can remember, I have lived in a highly un-organized, almost illegal part of our national capital but never have I thought it to be unsafe. That is the reason why I chose to walk with two of my female batch-mates at around 10:00 pm in the same neighbourhood, discussing life per se. Three young guys, barely old enough to ride a bike, stopped right next to us. They passed an extremely disgusting comment which I am even shameful to reiterate and swiftly raced away. I was not really sure what had happened, I could not even imagine the audacity that these guys had, to do such a thing in the middle of a busy road.

But what was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to yell and abuse them back? Or was I supposed to run after them? Make a police complaint? I was perplexed, half by shock and half by my incapability as to what my next move should have been. Not that I realized that I had been standing there lifeless for quite a while when one of my friends told me, ‘It’s okay, we are used to it. Happens every day in every city’.

I started to think that day; have the girls decided to live with such incidents or are we so helpless in our own society? It is not that I wasn’t aware about such things happening, mostly you see men staring at the girl walking next to you and you either look back at those men or tell them to mind their own business and life is back to being hunky-dory.

This incident which happened a couple of days back, disturbed me to the very core. If this was not verbal sexual molestation then how else can you sexually molest a girl by words? I decided to speak to my elder sister about the issue, not only was I troubled about how I should have reacted but to know whether the girls in our society have really started accepting such indecent behaviour as part of life?

She really had no answer as to what I should have done but she did have a little of her own story to share, which she passionately decided to recite:

“I once remember I was travelling in the bus, this was about 6 years ago when the college crowd used to travel in DU special buses and Metro was not available. It was early morning around 9 when I saw this drunk guy, perhaps must have been drinking all night long, entering the bus. It was not a crowded bus but he decided to stand really close to a girl. I have never understood what is the excitement that they get out of squeezing a girl in public transports. Nonetheless, when that girl moved away, he decided to do the same to my friend. I yelled at him to act decently and behave himself. The guy yelled back at me, saying that he is not bothering me so I should not be concerned. The yelling went on from both sides for 5 minutes when he threatened to do things to me and I have no idea what the guys or the girls were doing watching silently. I, in fact went to the extent of saying that maybe these silent puppets who are just witnessing the show do not care about your misbehaviour but I would not take it. Only after 10 minutes when the next stop came that I was able to get him off the bus. What was worse was that some guy who finally chose to speak after the show, said, wow! Girl power!”

What is the solution that we have when guys instead of supporting and standing for us say, “wow! Girl power”. We take offence every time a guy says something wrong, but what else can we do? What is the solution? I have been repeating the same question to myself, what is the solution? Have heinous crimes in our society grown so much that we are willing to let go off such lesser criminals who one day would develop to become rapists?

I do not say that the society has not improved. Some of our men have surely grown, they think dowry is wrong but getting gifts from in-laws at the time of marriage is alright. They think domestic violence is to be looked down upon but slapping your wife once or twice in a while is alright if she is wrong, you know. Where they and their sisters should get the same education but obviously she cannot claim property rights from ancestral property because she now is married and belongs to another man.

The worst part is that these are the men who would go to the streets protesting against rapes and think of rapists as dogs. These are the men who think it is alright to stare at a girl from top to bottom and scan her body parts. These are the men who think such small things are justified, at least they are not rapists. And hey, marital rape is not rape yaar.

One of my very close friends suggested moving to the Nordic Countries as the only solution, the cold might kill but at least women would be safe. She has decided to pack her bags and move soon, but is that the only option left? Or is there a way for a strong confident girl to live in a society without her modesty being outraged by many guys every day?

I still do not know how I should behave in the future and worse, I still do not know, what IS the solution?

You must be to comment.
  1. HP

    I think the writer is living in a world of 19th century and not updated with current laws of India. Also, the society is much more mature than the writer, who just get empowered by porttraying herself as victim. Feminists believe that once you become victim you are empowered to extract anything from men and government and masses. This is how they survive. When some hardships are their feminists will want men to serve, but they will not serve the masses, instead they will become victim.

    Also, your comments are anti-male when you say partriarchal families. I have seen 80% of the males being treated badly by wifes and mothers, even f males care a lot about family. Females only want luxuries of life at the cost of men. I have gone through writer’s blogs and they are no for eqaulity in society, but empowerement of women at the cost of men. Just think about it.

    1. ila

      hey, have you seen males being raped by FEMALES, groped in public transport by FEMALES, has your family ever said that it is unsafe for YOU AS A MALE to go out after 7, has the girl you were going to marry demanded a fancy car as a dowry from your parents, have you ever been beaten up by a woman, have you ever had to think twice about wearing shorts in scorching heat for the fear of being raped, have your in-laws overworked you and treat you as a servant in their home, has your wife ever forced you to have sex with her irrespective of your wishes, have girls ever passed cheap and salacious comments related to your body parts in public, have you been stalked and harassed by women broad daylight, have you ever been followed by a shady car full of women in broad daylight and feared getting raped from them, have women taken pictures of you as walked around the market and followed you around, has your wife demanded that you leave your job and take care o the child at home? if yes then i would agree that 80% of males of this country have been greatly tortured by the women.

    2. HP

      My answer is Yes, i have been forced and even commented sexually by women. Also my answer is yes, for your questions regarding wife. The problem with one sided people is that don’t recognise issues faced by other side and so never succeed in getting equality instead create more hatred.

    3. NB

      I wish all these things would have happened to him, only then he would have realized whatever is written happens in the real world. And this real world is not ready to change. ! Sic. !

    4. NB

      People like you is what this nation is plaguing with. Haven’t any lady in your lady being stared? & that too unconditionally?. Ask her how does it feel & then comment. “I have seen 80% of the males being treated badly by wifes and mothers”, treated badly? were they harassed, groped, eve-teased, passed lewd comments while on their way or raped? I pity your mindset. Are you sure you are a guy of 21st century? Because you have failed to portray so. !

    5. SG

      Talks about equality coming from a person who cant even spell it correctly is a totally hilarious. Also if our society is not bent towards males as you suggest then how do you suggest the skewed child sex ratio, the increased number of female foeticide, the increased number of rapes. Are you implying that a female should sit down quietly and be a subject to all this. Become the next nirbhaya and then prove it that yes we were truly victims. How do you explain most parents not allowing their girl child to go out of the house after 10 or wearing short clothes. We here are not feminists, we are just women who seek some kind respect in the society. However people like you are supposed to be termed as male chauvinists who even after seeing the current scenario are in absolute denial.

    6. A practical Indian girl

      HP, whoever you are.. I would like to ask you… “In which century do you live dude???” I mean how in this world you think men get molested by girls? Okay, let me agree for a second that what you’re talking about “MEN BEING MOLESTED OR COMMENTED BY WOMEN” is true. And you claim that you have “BEEN FORCED AND SEXUALLY COMMENTED BY A WOMAN”.. Now just answer me…. “WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST GO AND FILE AND FIR AGAINST HER???”….. If you would have did so.. It would have led to a revolution!!! Let me tell you… You didn’t because you knew that this woman cannot rape or sexually harass you!! But now think… We girls fear that today if we get commented, followed and groped in public transport and if we fight it then may be tomorrow these same guy/guys will rape us for revenge. We fear that a guy will come along and rape us when we see an empty street when we walk home at night. We have this on our minds each and every day we walk out of house. So now stop claiming this non-sense and grow up!! I too believe in equality of men and women alike. But what’s wrong is wrong. And yeah, I don’t know if you are right or wrong but here’s my piece of advice for you “NEXT TIME YOU GET MOLESTED OR SEXUALLY COMMENTED, OR ANY GUY YOU KNOW GETS TREATED BADLY BY WIVES AND MOTHERS, PLEASE FILE A COMPLAINT. WE WON’T LET INJUSTICE HAPPEN” 😛

    7. xyz

      ms .impractical girl,you must know currently drafted law ,you r not only impractical but also ignorant n negligent ,our rape law says ;no woman can be charged with rape and molestation ,only a man can rape or molest a woman n she doesn’t need any corroboration, ,in absence of any evidence or medical proof , allegation is presumed to be true by the court .Do you think women are that pious that she cant tell a lie ,ask yourself honestly , i have dealt with different kind of woman ,and you don’ understand the term rape ,rape is not considered heinous because it is a kind of physical assault but because of societal stigma , but today there is no societal stigma, people have accepted that all women are slut today an dey are exhibiting and flaunting their passion on streets with their boy friends ,dey are not virgins any more so there is no victimization of parents cuz now society has accepted that no woman is virgin today yes men may be virgin.Now come to your point ,We don’t reveal these things because no body ll believe us ,u can take the reference from a film AITARAZ if we share such kind of stories that a girl forcibly kissed me and touched my genitals, no body ll believe ,n laugh at us saying “you are lucky” .I must say you men are also beautiful and women are also ugly so it cant be presumed that a better looking man can accept the proposition of an ugly looking woman so he ll turn down the advances of a women he doesn’t like or love and its quite natural ,every woman have crushes on some one and they also fantasize some one.A girl kissed me passionately without my permission ya she was my friend but i have already warned her about our limits despite she did it time and again ,there are women who persistently asked me to fall in line but i never accepted their advances ,we don’t complain because we can deal with the situation, we are not physically weak or no stigma is attached if a girl touches us without our permission .And girls know that whatever they can do no body ll believe us but every body ll believe a woman ……..

    8. still a practical India girl!!

      Okay… Mr XYZ. I get your point about us having crushes and desires… But that doesn’t mean we physically assault a man or pass lewd comments just by eyeing an attractive man!! May be you are not up-to-date. Coz.. As per my information rapes are detected by medical test. Fructose is absent in a woman’s body but if its detected in her vagina then it confirms that the woman claiming to be raped is actually raped!! I am sure you didn’t know this. And what do you mean by “PEOPLE HAVE ACCEPTED THAT WOMEN ARE SLUT TODAY”???? Please explain. You find a woman attractive that doesn’t make her a slut.. Okay?? You have a problem with girls flaunting their BOYFRIENDS on street. Don’t you see that girls get committed and then flaunt with them. They don’t just go and look for a random guy to do so… And ya.. Now.. You say that “THEY ARE NOT VIRGINS ANYMORE” and “SOCIETY HAS ACCEPTED THAT NO WOMAN IS A VIRGIN TODAY”.. So basically mr XYZ… You don’t have any right to claim such things. Talking about virginity, I am a girl in my early youth and m still a virgin! I agree nowadays breaking virginity is becoming trend and many think its cool but which is not!! But that doesn’t mean you claim such thing. And you say that society has accepted it, then if you are married and your wife would have told you that she had broken her virginity before your marriage then answer me.. Would you have got married with her knowing that she had made out with some other guy?? You think society has accepted it, then tell me why in this world even today after marriage at first night, a white bed sheet is put on the bed?? Its because they (husbands) want to see if their wife is virgin!! If she bleeds then she is a virgin and if not.. Then god knows what not she has to face. And ya… Please define virginity in your words. You say men may be virgins?? Leave it.. Coming to your reference about film aiatrazz… I know.. I agree this can happen with a man, I know that even SOME girls misbehave like that but those cases are very few. You say you have been forcibly kissed by ur friend who is a girl! Are you sure that you had no hand in encouraging her and giving signals, positive responses??? Think!!! Girls don’t usually go to such limits, when they get some green signal then only they fall for it. You say that women ask you to fall in line? And ya.. One more point i would like to mention is that.. You guys find women attractive just by eyeing her… Scanning her body parts and finding them attractive may turn you on. But we girls don’t find men attractive by staring at them. We don’t eye their genitals in that case. I must say you wont be knowing that men respond to visual stimulus while women respond to literal stimulus. We when talk to a guy and interact then we find him attractive that too not to a physical level. Girls fantasize when they read a romantic novel. They fantasize a kissing scene much more than a sex scene. While this is exactly contradictory in case of men. Men search for satisfaction while women search for attachment. I don’t say “all men are alike ” cause may be that was a proverb given by Chinese woman who lost her husband in crowd!! Lol…. Some men may be loyal and attached but in most cases…. Many of them are not!! Getting me??

    9. xyz

      You need to study sec 375 and think without being prejudiced by your gender , i had never encouraged her nor given any signal despite u r so prejudiced that you are putting the blame on me , would your reply be same when opposite things had happened ,i m sure ,it wont be your reply , if it was your reply the new provisions would not have been incorporated in sec 375 which says any penetration with any object to any extent without the will or consent of a woman ,and a passive or induced consent wont b considered as consent means if a woman is not saying anything during intercourse cant b deemed to have given consent , in the case of intoxication ,only a male has to b blamed ,and new amendment of evidence act says ,if a woman has no evidence corroborating the offence, court ll presume that whatever she is saying, is truth !.Now it means you people r god ,whatever u ll speak ll b considered to b truth.Please sincerely read sec 375 and new amended evidence act ,think on it being gender neutral , i have never seen such kind of persecution of certain section in my life ,you people r really autocratic n arbitrators ,men have been enslaved by women, we have been made a commodity , we wont have any opinion ,come and pick us,…..we are not allowed to say anything…………… even a village girl watch porn movies and read filthy stories and i know it n what they do ,its not an enigma today ,so please don’t try to make me fool,new laws are only a tool for you people to exploit men .This law could have been beneficial had it been used honestly by downtrodden n powerless women but unfortunately they r still unaware of these laws n u people r misusing it n torturing naive men. The same thing happened in reservation only a privileged class is using reservation thereby making the same ineffective . Please women, we have accepted ,u r powerful! ,please don’t misuse it let it b used by deprived section of society……I don’t have any issue with virginity , i am also a virgin in biological term , n i didn’t know about white bed sheet or whatever,men also have heart they are not heartless ,so stop victimizing yourself .Men also feel same pain n cry like you ya he doesn’t advertise cuz he is supposed to b brave n sustain every injury without saying an uffff…..

    10. a practical indian girl

      You say I should study sec 375 but let me tell you that you are not the only one who is aware of changes made in it. I know what it states and I dont find anything wrong in it. It defines Rape as—A man is said to commit “rape” who, except in the case hereinafter excepted, has sexual intercourse with a woman under circumstances falling under any of the six following de­scriptions:—

      1st— Against her will (which you have to agree!!)
      2ndly—Without her consent. (No doubt its a crime)
      3rd— With her consent, when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person in whom she is interested in fear of death or of hurt!!
      (Not only girls in particular but if any individual would be in such situation he/she would have done anything and everything to save her/his dear one!!)

      4th—With her consent, when the man knows that he is not her husband, and that her consent is given because she believes that he is another man to whom she is or believes herself to be law­fully married.
      ( This is the case which occurs nowadays… Cons are everywhere!! How bad it is to get her consent in this way!)

      5thly— With her consent, when, at the time of giving such consent, by reason of unsoundness of mind or intoxication or the administration by him personally or through another of any stupe­fying or unwholesome substance, she is unable to understand the nature and consequences of that to which she gives consent.
      (science proves it that if the person is druged he/she is not in his consciousness to deal with any situation and doesn’t even understand what’s happening with her/him)

      6thly— With or without her consent, when she is under sixteen years of age. (you must not be having any problem with that)

      Now let me explain….
      Penetration is sufficient to constitute the sexual intercourse necessary to the offence of rape.

      Look…. You have a problem as they say that the girl is always right when she complaints of being raped. As I said earlier there is a medical test of detection of fructose in her vagina(which is not found elsewhere in her body) But they do believe her cause that’s not a perfect test to detect whether she has been raped or not!! Man can use condom while doing so which no test can prove!! He can insert other objects which I won’t like to mention here in this context. What I want to say is that the bruises and wounds on her body are enough to prove that she has been abused. Once you or hp… Someone among you mentioned us as “weaker sex”. Yes, we are weaker but not morally or ethically, we are weaker physically which is why these laws are made for us! We were made like this because May be Gods thought that making you men stronger will be beneficial for us as you would protect us. But he didn’t knew that these two beautiful creations he made would be conflicting this way. He didn’t knew that his so called “stronger sex” or “protectors” would dominate and ill-treat the weaker ones just because they can!!! We won’t need the support of these laws only if you men would have been much wiser!!

    11. xyz

      you r still out dated ….read Tejpal’s case, Mathura case thoroughly ,according to recent changes ,Mathura judgement can be overturned …..but in my opinion it was a proper verdict ………………

    12. a practical Indian girl

      In mathura case, the girl mathura was a tribal and when she and her relatives went to file a complaint against Ashok. The two policemen raped her. Here, when the case was further inspected it was found out that she had no injuries on her body. This proved doesn’t prove her consent dude! The court said Fear induced by serious threats could not be construed as consent or willing sexual intercourse
      It was said that mathura was habitual to sexual intercourse. So may be she didn’t make any chaos! The two policemen were drunk. I know that it was partially her fault!! But not totally, as you see in this case “POLICEMEN ASKED HER TO STAY BEHIND AND HER RELATIVES TO WALK OUT. IF THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANY INTENTION OF RAPING HER AND IF AS IT WAS SAID THAT IT WAS SHE WHO LURED THEM IN IT…. THEN WHY IN THIS WHOLE WORLD DID THEY ASK HER TO STAY BEHIND ALONE???” ANSWER ME!!
      I don’t know much about tejpal’s case.. Just that it Looks like Tarun Tejpal is being framed for professional and political gains. The mass tirade and hysteria against the man is all based on one accusatory email from the woman involved. Just the fact that the media and many around do not even want to hear of the man’s possible version of the events shows how intolerant India’s educated class has become. But we can’t totally overlook the fact that the woman said!! Tejpals case is a complicated matter with many emotional threads involved so just keepit aside because nobody knows what the truth is!! I am tired of arguing. I am done!! Please keep your views and I keep mine. I don’t think that this will come to an end!! You talk about these two cases… When such rapes keep occurring every 5 min!!! I just want you to accept that we are the ones facing problems and overall injustice in this context. That’s why we need this law while you guys have to stay with it as long as you don’t give us the position and respect we deserve. Again I repeat that we don’t want to enslave men we just want equal rights. I don’t know how old you are but let me tell you that I am just of 16 , I know a heck a lot about these cases, and you say I am out dated. I am writing and arguing cause I can’t see the turmoil in which we are in!! I was shocked at your response to this article so I wrote. I don’t want to prove myself right. I just want you to accept that we are also “equal haqdaar” of the rights and privileges which you enjoy!! I know I am less experienced and may be I have a lot lesser knowledge about this than you have but whatever I said, the points I mentioned are 100% true and I have total knowledge about it. That’s it!!:|

    13. xyz

      In childhood days ,i was watching a song on TV ,”Mar diya jay ,ya chod diya jay ,bol tere sath kya saluk kiya jay” , in this song , Dharmendra(in fact, i don’t remember but perhaps , he was Dharmendra!) was handcuffed n one woman with hunter was singing this song n was threatening Dharmendra with these words …As a ki d ,i was thinking ,can a woman become so formidable , she was challenging a well built up personality , its not new , women dominance is not a new phenomenon in our history ,u can take example of Rajia , she was a beautiful woman ,love with’ Yakut ‘,arrogation to the throne by defeating her own brother Ruknudin firoz , Alatunia story !etc n etc , but now the power has been decentralized n all women have become Rajia n r singing the same song with Hunter “mar diya jay ya chod diya jay ” Madam ! you can find all ur answers in my replies , i m not trying to win an argument , i want to say only one thing “Kahin der na ho jay”.I did n’t want to answer u ,but since ur inexperienced, just information is not the panacea of all the maladies ,first experience life , what is truth !only two persons can know , third person can speculate ,like media n u people , n only judiciary can find the truth n that too without guarantee so please ,u have a lot to experience , And i am sorry u r still a kid and u can lodge a complaint against me that i was inciting u to indulge in an immoral talk….. In fact, i don’t know , who you are, but whoever you are .please! think rationally…..what can i say !…..And please don’t use google as a source of information , think , that ur challenging a supreme court verdict ! so u must qualify that level of intelligence …

    14. ila

      if you can deal with the situation just like you said… when she was trying to rape you why didn’t you push her away?
      first of all if you are talking in a typical way… it is quite impossible for a girl to rape a man unless she uses some objects which i refrain from mentioning in this context. if you have ever copulated with anybody … you would know that its quite impossible for a woman to copulate with a man if he doesn’t wish to copulate with you… unless you use external objects!!! i agree that you could have been assaulted, then why didnt you just push her away if you didnt want to file the complaint??? just like you said.. you can deal with it, then why didn’t you? n BTW AITRAZ is a MOVIE! if i start claiming tomorrow that i can fly… just because KRRISHH can fly will you believe me?

    15. NB


      Your views reflects your mindset. You are sounding no different from HP. And lemme throw some light on your incomplete and foolish statements and completely outdated General Awareness. So Mr. Outdated guy ,For ease of men like you, Sexual Harassment law, under section 354A is gender neutral, its not only for women (which I wish it was), its the section 354B, 354C and 354D that are only for women. You said you have dealt with different kind of women, seems you have failed to understand any. And did you even think before writing this ” you don’ understand the term rape ,rape is not considered heinous because it is a kind of physical assault but because of societal stigma , but today there is no societal stigma”, its not us, its you who don’t understand it. Real life is not any Bollywood movie so you better stop supporting your heinous thoughts with such unrealistic examples. ! & Virginity is a choice, some are some are not, its a personal choice, & how is it affecting the society? & at last I Pity the girl who kissed you, what a mistake she must have done !!

    16. xyz

      I have not given any defamatory reply against any gender ,but look at your reaction you are just reacting not responding , you should be firm at your stance but u cant be advised to be rigid at your opinion .Forget law !,your explanations revealed your knowledge about law so i would prohibit my self from discussing various section of law and i don’t want to make you feel dwarf ,its not my motive or intention .I am here to beg justice from you feminist people ,i want equality which is my constitutional right ,our constitution says;there shouldn’t be any gender discrimination n its not a law matter ,law changes but morals and ethics never changes ,if i had to tell a lie n libel a certain section of society i i won’t use a false identity, If i had to write my biography i cdn’t mention those things because no one is going to believe me ,i am just trying to tell the truth n being a judge u decide , if certain person has given you problems would you persecute each n every person , i can accept some males may have stared at you but you people also stare at males and i am the evidence n i have to avert my gaze you people keep on staring n i turn away my gaze. we also feel violated if an unwanted women touch or kiss us without our permission but you people consider that we ll always be ready for every women , its not like that!I did like certain woman at certain time but i didn’t have dare to ask her out or even look at her but every woman who wanted me did whatever they wanted ,, they expressly conveyed their desire before me and despite my disapproval they used every trick even sprayed rumors herself that she had intimate relationship with me ,this is also a kind of defamation .If a male did the same thing he could be convicted for defamation and stalking and harassment and molestation , if rape laws are made gender neutral many men can be judged as victim but you people are prejudiced .,I gave you reference of a film for your convenience to understand the situation ,i am not imitating a film nor i am trying to prove myself Casanova! I just want to say please go through section 375 and all the provisions under it ,a mere perusal can give you an incite of the conspiracy hatched by u people to enslave men and no law is gender neutral as far as i am concerned if it is made gender neutral we can say that a lot of woman can be convicted as rapists ….and once u implicate us in false case u people literally rape us cuz i already told dat rape word is all about dignity modesty and honor of a person a man is known for his honor and u people easily implicate a person in false cases , once again i ll suggest you ; “a little knowledge is dangerous”.And yes i severed all my relationship with her after dat incident ,and she didnt only kiss me ,the behavior she exhibited clearly comes under rape if the law is made gender neutral , i ll again say u go through all the provisions of 375 n i did push her away after a minute and scampered outside the room slamming the door.And yes a man can be raped cuz a man can get involuntary erection after being kissed n cuddled ,if a woman is physically powerful she can rape a man by natural intercourse , n i dont have to read biology or medical science , i ,my self is the evidence ..truth doesn’t need any evidence …. And freedom has certain restrictions, freedom doesn’t allow u to copulate in public and even in law there are strict provisions against this offence ,freedom comes with responsibility its not about recklessness or negligence , may god grant u a little wisdom!

    17. a practical indian girl

      Look dude, I just wanted to clarify that we women are not enslaving men. We don’t want to. What we want is equality. We don’t want to be goddesses like you said but neither do we want to be maids. We are fighting for our rights and not to take away yours. We want a society where same privileges are experienced by us which you guys enjoy currently. We want that same rules should be applicable for you and us alike. We are not feminists like you say or mean. We are fighting for our gender because of a genuine reason and that’s “INEQUALITY” done to us. If in case in future it happens (lets hope that it shouldn’t) that you guys are deprived of your rights then be sure we would be the same people fighting for your rights as we are doing for us right now. If anybody doesn’t then be sure that at least I’ll be the one to stand by you guys. And you say village girls watch porn!! Just go through the article on youth Ki awaaz “1/3 of porn viewers are girls: reason why we need feminist porn” by Anshul Tewari himself. I agree girls do watch but the statement itself says “1/3 OF PORN VIEWERS ARE GIRLS” it means remaining 2/3 are boys! Why do you think its wrong? If you guys can watch then why not girls? Why are you fussing about it? And ya let me remind you like I said earlier “MEN RESPOND WELL TO VISUAL STIMULUS WHILE WOMEN RESPOND TO LITERAL STIMULUS” that’s the reason why less number of girls as compared to boys watch porn. Leave this topic. You are talking about section 375! Tell me how many people know about it? This is India boss!! People don’t even know what laws are made and even if they know they do what they like!! No one in this country bothers about rules and regulations. I don’t say its good. But think dude, if people were to follow these laws or at least fear breaking them… Female foeticide wouldn’t have reached its peak. You say that you didn’t knew this bed sheet thing… Then there are many things you don’t know about such small things which hurt our self respect and sentiments.

    18. xyz

      We were discussing about certain god n suddenly u changed your religion !……..It is very easy to underestimate a person n a situation ……..u didn’t answer me, just imposed your opinion without any ground reality or proof …….what can i say ? u won!!!!!!!!!!!! ” I don’t want to stretch this further cuz its going meaningless, and as usual u have shown ur feminist attitude ……….A country is governed by law n u r telling how many people know this, it means ur trying to say we r rule breakers and at the same time u r trying to say, who cares? whatever u want ,do ? I do care n follow each n every rule…..At least people however they may be backward ,know ,how to lodge a complaint n necessary sections can be invoked by executive……so please, u cd have put forward some cogent argument ,i didn’t expect this reply from your side ……….perhaps you r conniving at recent developments, recent suicides and false rape cases being registered by women…….and don’t try to magnify someone or something we ll need sources and authentic information whatever u r proclaiming , and the reasons u have mentioned does not hold good……And i never told anything right or wrong but if i am a bad man i ll accept ,yes, i am ! but women! god forbid! ………And whatever i mentioned above was 100% truth i didn’t need to reveal these things anonymously if i had some malafide intention or motive to take some advantage or tarnish someone’s image ,i would have mentioned names here every one is anonymous , perhaps you r not trying to understand u have just disposed my grievances even didn’t give a try to redress it ………….

    19. Ila

      No one wants to take away any rights of men. We just want ours. Kindly accept that it is true that men rape women. It is more common for a man to rape a woman. Whatever happened with you was horrible. But that does not mean that all women are like that. Just like all men are not rapists. Please accept the reality. Harsh laws are needed in this country to prevent more crimes from happening. At present, that is the only viable solution. As far as changing the mindset of people like you is concerned, I think it is next to impossible as you are very rigid in your beliefs. Women are not against men! They just want the same rights! They are almost 50% of the population of this country … Why shouldn’t they?

    20. NB

      There is a huge difference in what you write and what you reply, correcting just part in your reply. You might be right in saying women stare at men too, agreed, but are you ready to accept the fact that men don’t just stare, they ogle, its like they won’t moves their eyes off unless they are done scanning every part of a women. How many women riders have turned their heads to just have a glimpse of howsoever sexy hunk standing by a road side? Well, in my 22 years of stay in this city, I haven’t witnessed any. What you are doing is you are generalizing one single incident that has happened with you. And to your dismay, that is not the reality. Its the men who are troubling women, not them. And yes I’m reacting to every guy against such thinking would do so !

    21. HP

      All the feminists have to keep shut all other people, because their cover will be blown, when an argument comes up. I request all who support this article to go and understand word “Misandry”. Even in USA, where 60 % graduates are woman and more than 50% women earning more than men, they still want more funds, saying, its not enough. There are hundreds of colleges for girls only and co-ed are 60% full of women, but feminists are not satisfied.

      This is all related to funding. When funding will dry up or will divert to men’s issue, these same people will open up blogs for men. But, markets are not saturated in Asia and Africa due to happy and big families, once it will have more single men and women, then funding will again change its course to other issues.

      I request all girls to look for husbands who want to stay at home and have low earning then them. But they will not do it (You know why. Girls will shout for equality, but they will not shout for equal responsibilities.)

    22. a practical Indian girl

      Hii HP… Long time…
      so you are talking about ‘MISANDRY’ . Look Misandry is hatred for a man and let me tell you we DON’T HATE MEN!! We hate inequality and injustice done to us!! We are neither misandric nor philandric…. We are not FEMINISTS (at least I am not). You say that we are misandric!! That’s because you basically don’t know what misandry actually is! I advice you to go and refer a book titled ‘Daring To Be Bad: Radical Feminism in America’ by Alice kholos. In it she has written about a radical feminist ‘ Valerie solanas’ who was misandric!! Reading what her thoughts were and to what depth she hated men would give you Idea bout what misandry actually is!! We shout for equality not only for privileges but also for equal responsibilities…. That’s the reason that working women today are multitasking they can handle their work as well as households! Don’t you see that in slums too the women go for work from house to house while men just drink and are ‘jugadoos’. So when husband earns low and stays at home still the woman complaints less cause she knows that she has to support their living and she happily does so. And ya the discussion is concerned about India then from where did the US come in between?? This fight is not for taking away rights from one and giving it to others… Its all about equality. So better get that in to your head. And ya… From your replies and reactions, from your words I feel like I should call you misogynist!! (If you hate women then please keep in mind that it was a woman who gave you birth)

  2. HP

    Also, I want to clarify that my comment is not related to author in particular, but this is the trend which is being followed by many feminists.

  3. NB

    I’m in complete support of the author. The situation is worsening day by day. I as a guy feels helpless on how to stop a guy staring a girl? Its a national shame. You are right in saying, the people who are protesting against rapes are the ones who feel, making a woman uncomfortable is not a crime. They don’t feel any shame in doing so. Two wheeler riders turning their heads to get a glimpse of lady standing. Cars slowing down. What do these guys expect them to do by staring at them? A lot has been said. Voice raised, laws passed, but still nothing changed. Mindset have been worsened rather. Only few men have grown up and not too completely. Body size increased, mind size didn’t.

    1. xyz

      First, honestly ,ask girls, don’t they stare at boys ,your comments prove that no one has ever stared at you ,i am challenging you ,you ask honestly a young girl , she ll say ,she stares and also scans a young and attractive man ……… whats bad if a guy stares at a woman, we never put on revealing clothes but some women stares at us in such a way that they ll eat us n we have to avert our gaze with shyness…I wont like to reveal more about women you wont believe because our law says no woman can rape but if the recently drafted laws are made gender neutral i m sure at least 6 out of 10 men have been raped at certain period in their life by women , you are really an inexperienced person .

    2. Nicky Collins

      Dear Mr. XYZ

      You are right in saying that women do stare at men. But to say that it is as pressing a problem as what men do to women in our country is to display an absolute lack of common sense. Of course, it is possible for women to rape men (apparently it is something that happens a lot in Zimbabwe). But to say that six out of ten men have been raped by women in India is the zenith of foolishness (no offence intended).

      I have more to say to you but misogyny cannot be eradicated by just a comment. I think it is high time you realised that pro-women is not anti-men. Rape, eve teasing and other sexual crimes are disgusting and bad, irrespective of whether it is directed against a man or a woman. Only in India, offences against women is the greater concern.

    3. HP

      Let your girl freind file a false rape case against you, just to exploit you for her another boy friend or let your wife file false harassement case to dissolve your relationship with your parents. Then you will understand. For your facts 70% of rape cases are false or consentual sex, it is only filed when relationship goes sore. But inly a girl can file, while she has used boy equally. Just ask these questions to yourself.

  4. Prashant Kaushik

    Good article, but am wondering where the comments of readers are taking it to. I think the anonymous reader but be banging her head against the stones after watching this futile war of words amongst the readers.

    Coming back to the article,
    I think a practical advise to a girl in such a case would be to be rational. You should decide your reaction only after considering several factors like the environment, safety, your strength etc.
    There is no point in escalating it to a conflict if you are sure you wont be able to handle if it spills out of control. So fighting back in a crowded bus, classroom, corporate is justifiable, but not so in a deserted dark street.

    The mindset of every individual in every corner of society cant change so easily. If you think it will change in a couple of years, than you are an Alice in her wonderland. Society takes time to change 30, 40 years or ever a century. India is such a vast country with such diverse ethnicity, cultural and economic background of its people. So don’t hope that in your lifetime this process of transformation would be completed.

    1. DD

      I agree with your point about how a girl should react in such situations… But the thing you said that “society can’t change so easily” is the point i disagree. Sorry to say but change your attitude towards society. Its all on our mind and on how strictly we should follow our ethics. If everybody decides then nothing is impossible!! All this protests and what not we are doing is not in vain. This is because we want to see the change. Long ago people used to believe that earth is flat but it took just one sec to break that belief… When it was proved to be round. Change yourself and you will find the change you expect from others. Change your thoughts and see that it doesn’t take as much time as you said to bring the change. B +ve.;P

    2. Nicky Collins

      I agree with DD ( DD is an incredibly funny name 😛 …..but I digress ). With everything we do, with every article we write on this topic and with every discussion that follows, the society is improving. Gradually, of course, but surely.

      It is with small steps that the world improves. The change may be inconspicuous in the beginning but in the long run, every tiny act counts.

    3. DD

      What’s so funny in DD?? Anyways I agree that society is changing and it won’t be long time since we would see the considerable change we are striving hard for. You won’t believe my mom instructs my brother (who is just of 11 yrs of age) don’t play in sun, don’t fight, don’t get hurt, come back soon… Blah blah blah and along with that from now onwards she tells him to give respect to every girl in street like she is your sister!! And not to misbehave. If parents start this early and build up their son morally then I don’t think we would need any awareness or laws. Isn’t it?

    4. Prashant Kaushik

      Dear Collins and DD, I like your positivism. But I would still incest that society takes a really long, long time to change. Society is not just you, me, your brother or the few lakhs people who read this site.

      The example of Earth-Flat-round, whatever you gave, was completed in a few paragraphs in our textbooks, but in reality, it took several centuries, and not years, for the Europe to come out of the such blind dogmas of Church during Renaissance . Numerous similar examples in our history too.
      My intentions are not to dishearten you folks, but to sub-consciously warn and remind you that, in 1-2 year, you should not feel dejected if change doesn’t gets reflected from every corner. The efforts in this direction should continue for our entire lifetime and not just a few months or years.

    5. Prashant Kaushik

      Ghosh.. stupid MSoffice word auto spell… it was ‘insist’ , not ‘incest’..

    6. DD

      Yup!! I got it!! Don’t worry, we will strive hard till the day comes when we will have equality on gender basis. We won’t leave any stone unturned. Wish all of you (and myself too) All the best for this quest.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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