By Soumya Raj:
Given the tight thread of beliefs that weaves around in our society, we are becoming more intolerant of the things that make us uncomfortable. The human instinct to feel for another human, beyond race, gender, sex, caste, class, ethnicity is dying out. This is the world we live in! Humanity is dying, but is also alive in many forms.
The following questions/incidents are some that I experienced firsthand, as a bisexual, how the society reacts to such a relationship. Always curious and bittersweet, they spoke of the inhibitions, of our fears, of our inquisitiveness collectively about such bonds. Here they are:
“So, who’s the man in the relationship?”: This is one of the most frequently asked questions whenever someone knew about my partner and me. It frustrates me deeply that we have been programmed to believe that a relationship without a “man” or his “masculinity” to anchor it, fails invariably. Why should anyone be a man in a relationship between two adult women? Had we needed one of us to be a man in order to take control, we’d not be in this arrangement. Any relationship is about egalitarianism, which brings me to the next query, why should a position of charge be always associated to being a man?
“Now that you have each other, you obviously don’t need a man now.”: Both of us are bisexual, and both of us are currently involved with men as well. (Ours is an open relationship.) We love men very much, thank you! We extend our love to them as well. Please do not assume we won’t need a “man” because we are in love with each other. Please do not set rules for love.
“How can you be on a date?”: It surprises me how people just assume that two people of the same sex cannot be on a date. We were. The people just assumed that we were two best friends showering affection on each other. We are aries and leo after all, so it is easy. We’re always quick to assume that a boy and girl in a restaurant, sitting cut off by the crowd, are always on a date; it has happened with me and a lot of other people I know. So, why not the same for two girls, or two boys? (Unfortunately, assumption is a mark of popular acceptance. This indicates the unreality of two girls going on a date because it makes them uncomfortable, a girl and a boy on a date is normal because, popularity!)
“Physical intimacy must not be as satisfactory, it’s okay, we understand.”: Why is it preconceived that penis = maximum sexual satisfaction for women? Let’s be very frank, the most widespread argument you’ll receive against homosexuality is the sexual relation which defines them. As if a man and woman have sex only for the purpose of reproduction and obviously not for pleasure, right. When a ‘normal’ heterosexual relation can exist entirely for pleasure, why not a bisexual one?
“We will have to hope for a drastic change in our legal system, because otherwise we can’t marry.” That was what I said to my partner. It is the most poignant thing about the society and judiciary that you can come across. We want to live with each other, marry, and be socially accepted. I love her and it saddens me more than I can express that our fate lies in the hands of a bunch of people who don’t consider our lot important enough to grant their attention, that we are unnatural, that we are an anomaly. We need legal validation for our love only because a few people do not agree with us. How heartbreaking is that?
While I kiss her, hold her tight and love her, some people find us cute, adorable, and some braver, even romantic. Others have indulged in voyeurism, and just watched us because they have never seen a girl kissing a girl. Some have gladly expressed their joy and supported us, because they know that we are not an oddity, that this needs to be done because if the world works with the philosophy of the more popular being more normal, we need to step out more. There is still hope, and I see it gradually increasing because I do not blame the people for being engineered the way they are, they did not know the menace the society is. The questions were unintentionally bitter and genuinely curious, because they, maybe, had their first experience with such an occurrence, and this went beyond the normalcy that is oft demanded.
The motive of writing this piece will be fulfilled when I realize that more and more people have understood the grip of patriarchy on our minds, the unnecessary bigotry it has given rise to, when they realize that we function as beautifully as any two people in love might. Love is blind, remember?