This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Soumya Raj. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

I Am A Bisexual, And These 5 Things I Experienced Will Tell You How The Society Views Us!

More from Soumya Raj

By Soumya Raj:

Given the tight thread of beliefs that weaves around in our society, we are becoming more intolerant of the things that make us uncomfortable. The human instinct to feel for another human, beyond race, gender, sex, caste, class, ethnicity is dying out. This is the world we live in! Humanity is dying, but is also alive in many forms.

love

The following questions/incidents are some that I experienced firsthand, as a bisexual, how the society reacts to such a relationship. Always curious and bittersweet, they spoke of the inhibitions, of our fears, of our inquisitiveness collectively about such bonds. Here they are:

“So, who’s the man in the relationship?”: This is one of the most frequently asked questions whenever someone knew about my partner and me. It frustrates me deeply that we have been programmed to believe that a relationship without a “man” or his “masculinity” to anchor it, fails invariably. Why should anyone be a man in a relationship between two adult women? Had we needed one of us to be a man in order to take control, we’d not be in this arrangement. Any relationship is about egalitarianism, which brings me to the next query, why should a position of charge be always associated to being a man?

“Now that you have each other, you obviously don’t need a man now.”: Both of us are bisexual, and both of us are currently involved with men as well. (Ours is an open relationship.) We love men very much, thank you! We extend our love to them as well. Please do not assume we won’t need a “man” because we are in love with each other. Please do not set rules for love.

“How can you be on a date?”: It surprises me how people just assume that two people of the same sex cannot be on a date. We were. The people just assumed that we were two best friends showering affection on each other. We are aries and leo after all, so it is easy.  We’re always quick to assume that a boy and girl in a restaurant, sitting cut off by the crowd, are always on a date; it has happened with me and a lot of other people I know. So, why not the same for two girls, or two boys? (Unfortunately, assumption is a mark of popular acceptance. This indicates the unreality of two girls going on a date because it makes them uncomfortable, a girl and a boy on a date is normal because, popularity!)

“Physical intimacy must not be as satisfactory, it’s okay, we understand.”: Why is it preconceived that penis = maximum sexual satisfaction for women? Let’s be very frank, the most widespread argument you’ll receive against homosexuality is the sexual relation which defines them. As if a man and woman have sex only for the purpose of reproduction and obviously not for pleasure, right. When a ‘normal’ heterosexual relation can exist entirely for pleasure, why not a bisexual one?

“We will have to hope for a drastic change in our legal system, because otherwise we can’t marry.” That was what I said to my partner. It is the most poignant thing about the society and judiciary that you can come across. We want to live with each other, marry, and be socially accepted. I love her and it saddens me more than I can express that our fate lies in the hands of a bunch of people who don’t consider our lot important enough to grant their attention, that we are unnatural, that we are an anomaly. We need legal validation for our love only because a few people do not agree with us. How heartbreaking is that?

While I kiss her, hold her tight and love her, some people find us cute, adorable, and some braver, even romantic. Others have indulged in voyeurism, and just watched us because they have never seen a girl kissing a girl. Some have gladly expressed their joy and supported us, because they know that we are not an oddity, that this needs to be done because if the world works with the philosophy of the more popular being more normal, we need to step out more. There is still hope, and I see it gradually increasing because I do not blame the people for being engineered the way they are, they did not know the menace the society is. The questions were unintentionally bitter and genuinely curious, because they, maybe, had their first experience with such an occurrence, and this went beyond the normalcy that is oft demanded.

The motive of writing this piece will be fulfilled when I realize that more and more people have understood the grip of patriarchy on our minds, the unnecessary bigotry it has given rise to, when they realize that we function as beautifully as any two people in love might. Love is blind, remember?

You must be to comment.
  1. Mayank Jain

    I am glad I read this. 🙂

  2. adya00

    Bold!
    Soumya, pls read this if you have the time to
    http://adya00.wordpress.com/2014/02/27/love-confined/

  3. Anitha Choudhary

    Appreciate this article and your boldness.Please keep up this courage and one day we can definitely fight out all the differences and the injustices. Love cannot be defined by any boundaries.

  4. jeeka7

    nice!

  5. Guevera Geek

    Dear Madam,

    Appreciate your bold and daring article and @ the same time identifying yourself clearly. Well, If you can please note few arguments on my behalf.

    1. Being rooted in human nature, natural law is universal and immutable. It applies to the entire human race, equally. It commands and forbids consistently, everywhere and always. Please understand here that the so called ‘freedom of expressions or emotions’ is not being hampered in any way, just an implication to use it in a just way.

    2. A child of a same-sex “marriage” will always be deprived of either his natural mother or father. He will necessarily be raised by one party who has no blood relationship with him. He will always be deprived of either a mother or a father role model.

    3. And finally to sum it all up: We’re dealing with rival views of what it is to be happy, what it is to be moral. The view which supports gay marriage is predicated on the view that pleasure is the principle good which sex aims at; and that consent is the only criteria which needs to be met for sexual activity to be moral. And that’s in no way a justification for the cause of homosexuality.

    Regards,
    Sajid

    1. D Gill

      Sajid,

      1. Gays are born the way that they are and there are gays the world over, since the beginning of time. So it is indeed part of human nature. Some humans are gay and some are not.

      2. There is no difference between a child being adopted or a child born raised by a gay couple. At least in the gay couple the child will have one of its natural parents. And what of families where one of the natural parents dies? There are many different kinds of families. Single parent families, families where other family members are raising the children, adoptive families, children raised in orphanages, children raised by gay couples etc. The focus should be on the children. If they are happy, healthy and well cared for that is all that matters.

      3. We are free to choose what makes us happy in life. That is a human right. And Gay marriage is predicated on 2 people that care and love each other only not that sex is the principal good. And in case you weren’t aware yes consent is the only thing that matters for sexual activity to be moral because no one has any business telling 2 consenting adults what to do. It is no ones business. Again this is a human right. And if you care to argue this point, do tell, who has the right to tell 2 consenting adults what they can and cannot do in their bedroom? Religion? The government? If so, that again is going against human rights.

  6. nayal16

    good for you. After all its just sex and so it doesn’t matter if its a man or woman. So have you tried dildos, dogs, goat, dead people, fruits and vegetables too.

  7. Ankur

    good!!!

More from Soumya Raj

Similar Posts

By Rupsa Nag

By Rupsa Nag

By Silca

Wondering what to write about?

Here are some topics to get you started

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below