When Life Gives You Rahul, Make Dravid Out Of It And Not Gandhi

By Gaurav Sharma:

Yesterday I was frustrated and tired of completing my college final project. To lighten up my mood I decided to watch something really funny on the internet. Guess what I typed on YouTube? ‘Frankly Speaking With Rahul Gandhi.’ Yes, that interview on Times Now which was telecast on January 27, 2014. The funniest part of the interview was Rahul telling Arnab what the real questions were. Not to forget the irrelevant answers given by Mr. Gandhi as if Arnab was asking “Were congressmen involved in 1984 riots?” with Rahul’s “We brought in RTI and women empowerment.” Arnab was looking at Canada and Mr. Gandhi was talking to Japan! Well, if Mr. Gandhi is this funny and entertaining on a mainstream news channel interview, I think inviting him on ‘Koffee With Karan’ would be an ultimate rib tickling blast.

rahul gandhi

Keeping jokes apart and on a serious note this entire ruckus made me think about the future of Indian politics. Being an upcoming face and an influential personality of Indian political framework, Mr. Gandhi should show some decent aptitude as a politician. He, in my opinion, does not even have sufficient hunger and eagerness for the ‘elite Prime Ministerial job’. He is unwilling to speak to opinion makers, to potential allies, to biographers and to journalists. I guess Mr. Gandhi does not raise his voice in the Parliament too. It is still a mystery to know what this man is capable of and nobody really knows what he wishes to do should he ever become the PM. (Now I doubt if he is sure of it or not!)

Let’s gloss over one of the main ingredients involved in creating a long lasting impact on peoples’ mind when it comes to election campaigns i.e. the speeches of Mr. Gandhi. I believe most of his speeches are a confused amalgamation of opinions of the public, of political analysts and of thinkers, leaving the matter in the middle of nowhere. His speeches are basically an exaggeration of some predefined bullet points. Most of his speeches if summarised in a step-by-step manner would seem something like this:

1. Bhaiyaa baat suno
2. RTI…Women Empowerment…Youth…Structures…Middle Class…Opening up of the System etc.
3. Take credit for all bills passed, schemes etc. for the umpteenth time.
4. Some emotional jazz about family history mixed with some daadi/mummy stories and their sacrifices.
5. Some India mein ‘fill in the blank’ kaun laya rap.
6. Talk about your dream and vision for the nation but don’t get into how it will be materialized.
7. Time for some Karl Marx/Einstein/Newton quote.
8. Prove not dumb by using some complex physics terminologies like ‘Jupiter Velocity’.
9. Time to lighten the mood of public by using oxymoron like ‘This morning I woke up at night’ and ‘don’t talk in front of my back’.
10. Toffee Model…Advani-Modi.
11. Develop sudden empathy for Advani, Jaswant Singh and other sidelined BJP leaders.
12. Praise Vajpayee and claim he hated Modi.
13. Compensate for own lack of performance by bringing up Gujarat Riots once again.
14. Claim corruption is evil and how Congress Party is totally against it.
15. Finally, once again RTI…Women Empowerment…Youth…Structures…Middle Class…Opening up of the system etc.
16. Remember not to LOL.
17. Thanks everybody for listening to your rants.

Well that was quite similar, don’t you think so? Only time will tell who will be the next PM of India. But if it’s Rahul, with this kind of aptitude, I am sure life is going to be a bumpy ride ahead for him, and for us.

To hear more from Gaurav, follow him on Twitter

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