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Why Should I Be Ashamed Of Being A Beautiful ‘Bulky’ Bride?

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By Anuradha Sachdeva:

“I don’t know how will madame make such a fat aunty look pretty.” is what Advita* heard the assistant beautician say to her colleague, when she was changing into her wedding lehenga, behind the curtains of a fancy high profile makeup artist’s studio. “I was shattered hearing that, the one thing that I wanted the most on my wedding night was to look pretty. Obesity runs in my family, I tried everything from gym, diets, yoga, walking, ayurvedic procedures but nothing could fetch me drastic results, I hoped for. I met Adhiraj* when I was 27, he was a graduate, managing his family business. I was an assistant professor in a college, and was involved in a lot of activities along with that. He liked me for my talents and my being. He looked at me very differently, as if I were more than just a big wobbly piece of flesh (that’s how people always looked at me). I was at the zenith of happiness after he told his parents that he wanted to marry me. But the big round pieces of flesh soon fell back on the grounds of reality, when everyone in his family asked, ‘why such a fat girl, she looks like a hippo, a very fair hippo’. Well, apart from all my compliments of being compared to all possible giant mammals, we did get married and we are happy together. I wonder if Adhiraj looked at me through a concave glass that evening.” says Advita, with a questioning yet content smile on her face!

loose weight before marriage

These days, a lot of men look for girls who are well educated, talented, caring and self dependent. Who might, might not be a perfect figure – but a good soul. Such are men like Adhiraj, but the sour truth is that such men are vastly outnumbered by the other breed, who find no shame in saying ‘when I walk on the road side with my girl, no one is going to know about her talents, her skills or her nature; all that people can see is her figure, her complexion and her dressing style. She has to be presentable more than anything else’. The saddest part being that these are well educated and well-off men who are expected to look beyond just physical beauty.

Speaking of men and women together, now that the wedding season is on, we see everyone turning into a judge for the ‘brides’ of the three weddings they attend in one night, followed by futile discussions about the bride and her size. Everything is perfect and the guy is lucky, if he has a thin, fair bride. But dear Lord, the poor guy’s youth goes to waste if at all he is hitched to a fat girl (now here, complexion doesn’t matter too much, her being overweight is good enough reason for his life to have been declared ‘ruined’).

Such people fail to acknowledge the fact that the girl might be on the higher numbers of the weighing scale, because of multiple reasons, foremost being her health. Diabetes, asthma, thyroid, hormonal imbalance, hereditary obesity and post surgical weight gain, are a few to be named and blamed for the poor girl to be receiving ‘the looks’.

I wonder if any of the wedding guests in their new suits and backless blouses, pay any attention to the bride beyond her visible (hidden) bellies?! Do any one of them, notice her beautiful attire, her shy smile, her hopeful eyes and her wishful looks? Her desires when she looks at her husband with love, compassion in her moves and acceptance when she greets the guests and respect when she touches their feet. And we know, ‘they don’t’.

It’s a pitiful state, that these people who don’t even care about the bride, who mostly check the names of the bride or groom on the invitations before entering the venue, that too, just for the sake of entering the right one. These are the people whom the girls are conscious of, either on their own or made by their families. The moment a chubby girl is engaged the first thing that is brought to her notice is her weight, her flab, which ‘must’ leave her before the wedding. Starved, worked-out, and miles coved walking, before they fit into that small backless choli. Is it that important to be thin? Is that the only way of looking charming on the most special day of her life? Will she look any less gorgeous if she is happy and fat? These are a few questions which both the bride and the society need to seek answers to.

Being an overweight girl myself, I can best relate to the situation. Not trying to blow my own trumpet here, but I am a lecturer, a painter, singer, and a writer and have always been the top rankers of school and college. But, none of that counts, beyond my alarming calories intake! Due to multiple health issues and let’s admit it, being a foodie, I don’t own the most ideal looking body. And beyond all my talents and/or achievements, the only thing that everyone talks about around me is the ways through which I can lose weight; let me rephrase it, ‘I should lose weight’. It makes me both anguished and cheerless, when by the end of the day people see me as just an XL size and not the person that I am.

I am not against thin people, in fact I am truly of a belief that everyone should be healthy, only that for me, one’s health should/is not defined by their dress size. While encouraging a wrong belief of ‘thin being healthy’ our society and it’s proud members forget the fact that there are so many girls who land up being unwell because they choose incorrect, quick and unhealthy ways to lose weight or in literal terms, to look thin and pretty.

By the end of my out pour of thoughts and opinions which might take a lot of time of understanding, educating and empathizing to settle in the hearts and brains of people. I want to say this to all brides to be – ‘looking thin should not be the ultimate goal for your wedding day. Feeling beautiful inside, cherishing the new beginning, and looking forward to a happy life, a life of respect and dignity. Seeking warmth and love in the eyes of your husband is what you should look forward to. For by the end of it, if you, yourself won’t be comfortable in your skin and won’t accept your being, then no one else will!’

And for all of you, who are not going to wear a wedding dress this season, watch your weight over the lavish spread of sweet dishes! Happy Weddings everyone!

You must be to comment.
  1. Gaurav

    – hate to say this but the article is pointless because indian men actually like women who are pleasantly plump and not the skinny ones.
    – another thing i notice all writers are using pictures showing white women. any particular reason why you feel embarrassed of putting indian women up there.

    1. Saloni

      Hate to ask this, but are you a hypocrite?

    2. Gaurav

      no I am not a hypocrite, I am just an average indian man and indian men generally prefer women who are not skinny. there is nothing hypocritical about it.

    3. Anuradha

      Dear Gaurav,

      Firstly, I understand your rage against this article, and in fact I appreciate men like you, who prefer chubby girls; but let’s face it, chubby/healthy and fat are different to an extend and we are talking about fat/obese people here.
      And not every man is alike, right?

      Secondaly, just so you know, the writer has no role in the selection of the photo for this article.

      Take Care 🙂

    4. Gaurav

      rest assured I am not upset. I do not have rage. 😀 …. and I totally get the point about fat women…

  2. Ra’s al Ghul

    Good article. Beautifully articulated.

    You say you tried gym and dieting and nothing could fetch you drastic results. The thing is, results require patience, nothing happens drastically. Secondly, dieting does not work. You workout, and you eat food that is oil/sugar/fat free. It requires a lot of will power. Eat lots of salad, boiled (make sure you drink the soup) or roasted chicken, boiled eggs, vegetables like spinach and brinjal cooked without oil, and dal does not need the so called baghar at the end. Do not give up on gym or the diet that I have mentioned. I wish you well, love. 🙂

    P.S. Every time a civilization reaches the pinnacle of its decadence we return to restore the balance.

    1. Anuradha

      Thank you so much for appreciating my work, Ra’s al ghul.
      And thanks for all the lovely suggestions; and since I am a vegetarian, I will sure follow it as much as I can.
      Thanks again! 🙂

  3. Prashant Kaushik

    Looks make the most impact in creating a first impression. But life is all about living with the successive impressions. The 1st impression gets buried as much a PNR number years after its journey is over.
    This was One of the best articles I have came across this site.

    People of our generation have started hitting Gym/YOga not as much because of health consciousness, as because of figure consciousness. And it’s all superficial.

    Pity over those who search for partners as if they are to trophies to be displayed on roads or in drawing room.
    For me Intelligence and creativity is a huge and predominant turn on. I think that beyond our body, there is a mind and inner self which can, through exchange of beautiful words and thoughts, experience an orgasmic bliss without even a physical touch.

    Hope to see more such articles on this forum.

    1. Anuradha

      Hey, thank you so much Prashant! Thank you so much for appreciating my work.

      Also, I agree with you, it’s not so much about health anymore, it’s just the figure to be anle to fit into small size clothes. Funny thing is most of the big brands have sizes till XL and people who fit inyo those should be slim too!! What’s the point of an Xtra large size, if you can’t be more than 58* kgs to fit in them?!

      Anyhow, thank you again for all the kind words

  4. Saloni

    Good article! you are a great writer. I haven’t seen you or your body, but you already have respect in my eyes.
    Though here I would like to add one thing that in our society it is not just the fat girls who are targeted but the fat boys too.
    Our society, irrespective of gender, always demeans the shorter/fatter/dark person.
    You hear people saying things like, “What is this gorgeous girl going to do with this elephant?” on wedding nights where the male is obese.
    So, men too are targets of these stupid judgements of our society.

    1. Anuradha

      Hey, thank you so much Saloni! I am glad you liked my work.

      Also, I agree with you, similar things happen with men too, and they are under equal pressure of looking good. But people need to look beyond the layer of fat, is all I feel.

      And thank you again for all the kind words

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