This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Krittika Biswas. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

How My Gay Cousin Found True Love And Became An Inspiration For Many

More from Krittika Biswas

By Krittika Biswas:

A lot has been said about love, songs sung, and poems written. Love is blind, they say, but “they” are wrong. Love isn’t blind in society. In society, you are expected to love somebody “proper”, someone who is “acceptable” to love; you cannot just love anybody you wish to. And of course you especially cannot love anyone of the same sex, because that is obviously “against nature”, not to mention “mentally sick”. So what does one do, when they just cannot find it in them to love someone who is accepted in society? Moreover, what do they do if they, in fact, do find themselves falling in love with someone of the same sex? Should they hide their true feelings, go on with their daily lives, and be miserable? Or should they find the courage to stand up for themselves and for the person they love, because they understand that society cannot dictate everything, and everyone has the right to be happy and be with whoever makes them happy? Many people choose the first option, and continue living their lives in misery, but some pick the second one, and in doing so, they pave a new, happier path for many of us to follow. Yes, it is a difficult road, and they will be mocked and made fun of, but in the end, it is these people who truly do find happiness, and true happiness is something every single one of us craves for.

gay marriage

I come from a very typical Bengali family, we worship Rabindranath Tagore, love our fish, rice, and “rosogollahs”, and we absolutely do not believe in same sex marriages. This story is about a person from my family, who accepted who he was, and told the world very proudly about it, because he understood that there is absolutely no shame in being who you are and truly loving someone. This story is about my gay cousin, who proposed to his now fiancé in a very public manner, without the slightest fear of what anybody would think of him. We all speak of standing up against society, and being our own person, but how many of us truly do it? He is someone I personally know who has done exactly that, and he will always be someone I look up to.

As far as everyone knew, my cousin was single, and all the uncles and aunts kept asking him why he hadn’t found himself a girlfriend yet. He always just responded with a smile and nothing more. Until one day I asked him quite directly whether he was seeing anyone, and his answer was one that made me respect him much more than I already did. He told me very frankly that yes he did indeed have a boyfriend, they were dating for quite some time now, and he was going to propose marriage to him soon. I don’t really know how he was expecting me to react to the news, but honestly, I was nothing but happy for him. What is better than finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? I congratulated him wholeheartedly, and asked whether his parents knew. He said yes, and they were very supportive of the whole thing, and his mother, in fact, really loved his boyfriend. I asked him how he intended to let everyone else in the family know and whether he was worried about how they would react. He said he would make it public very soon, and as for worrying about their reaction, whoever loved him would be happy for him, and whoever wasn’t happy wasn’t worth his time in the first place. A couple of weeks after that conversation, he posted a video on Facebook of him proposing to his now fiancé and it was by far the most sweetest and romantic thing that I have ever seen. He had picked out a wonderful place, chose an amazingly beautiful day, and organized a flash mob. His fiancé was so amazed and moved by the whole thing that after my cousin slipped the ring onto his finger, all he could do hug my cousin tight, and it truly was an amazing sight to witness.

Now we come to the part about how the rest of our family members reacted. His parents, as mentioned before, were nothing but truly happy for him. I showed the video to my mother, his aunt, and I’m honestly proud to say that she too was overjoyed that her nephew had found true love and happiness. However, this news was quite a bitter pill to swallow for some. Some accused his mother of hiding the truth about her son, some said that they would personally go over to “talk some sense into him”, while others decided it was best to sever all ties with his whole family. Most of the cousins, however, just thought it was downright hilarious that he could propose to another man. But in the midst of all of this, nobody cared to notice or give any importance to the fact that it was very brave of my cousin to come out, and his fiancé really did make him happy. Everyone was too busy thinking about the rules of society, and how he had chosen to not abide by them, and how that now made him some sort of a freak in front of everyone’s eyes.

But all negatives aside, lot of good did come out of the whole thing, he found love, which is quite a rare thing to find, he found out who truly loved and cared for him, and unknowingly he probably inspired a lot of courage amongst some. I’m very happy to say that my cousin and his fiancé are happily engaged and are planning a wedding very soon. His story truly was an important and gigantic step forward in our family. Maybe now at least some of us would attempt to fight for our dreams, hopes, and most importantly for the people we love.

It is a funny thing really; violence is more acceptable than love in today’s world. It takes our government a lot of time and deliberation to figure out what to do with rapists, but it doesn’t require much thought to criminalize same sex marriages. Look at the video and tell me if you see anything but two people who are absolutely in love with each other, and whether they deserve to be separated because society thinks this is “not normal”.All you need is love” the Beatles said; maybe they were onto something.

You must be to comment.
  1. Green Lantern

    Gay people’s children are supposed to have two daddys, or two mommys?

    1. sarab

      yes , but so what ? 2 dad better than no dad, 2 mom better than none
      Ask a kid in orphanage. All he/she wants is love , care and protection.

  2. ED

    This was such an ‘awww’ article. In a world full of hatred, when two people and families manage to find love-unconditional and fearless love…it gives the rest of us so much hope. More power and love to your cousin and his fiance for standing by love and to you for sharing this ‘make-my-day’ article.

  3. hemant

    Great article and opinion. Having known these two people personally, their relationship is a victory for life and happiness, and i see it whenever i meet their family. Society has just put up too many barriers on what we should be, and how we must behave, and we have become so busy in seeking acceptance and validation, that it is a self-defeating exercise. Admire their courage, and the frankness with which they talk about their relationship. And i believe if one day, they decide to adopt a child, they will teach the child to live, which sadly, a lot of us have forgotten. Hats off to them and the article.

  4. Ananya

    This is so cute. I just went aww… Kudos to their families for being supportive!

More from Krittika Biswas

Similar Posts

By Love Matters India

By Sonal Prasad

By Arshya

Wondering what to write about?

Here are some topics to get you started

Share your details to download the report.

We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.

We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.

We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below