This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Sarabjeet Singh. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

How The Non Acceptance Of Gays Affects Straight People Too

By Sarabjeet Singh:

I still remember when the 11 December ’13 verdict came out. While many people of all orientations were sad and expressed shock at the verdict and at how the state felt it within its ambit to control people’s sexual lives, some even acted unperturbed saying “Why do we have anything to worry about? We are not homosexuals.”

delhi gay pride


So, one is forced to consider if the straight people have anything to do with LGBTQI rights. After all, they aren’t affected by the non-existence of LGBTQI rights, right? Or, maybe it does affect all of us in unpredictable and not-so-visible ways.

Take, for example, the simple fact that India is a country where arranged marriages are the norm, not just in rural or among the uneducated, but even among the urban, elite, youth. But, arranged marriages create problems of their own. When you have a society with (1) prejudice and discrimination towards homosexuals and (2) arranged marriage as the norm, you have created the perfect recipe for sham marriages between gay men and heterosexual women – or, between lesbian women and heterosexual men. Ask yourself, “Would I be ok with my sister or daughter or any female family member marrying a gay man? Marrying a man who won’t/can’t love her?”

Yet, this is the kind of environment we have created in our society with the expectation that everyone should be married, by being a singles-phobic and homophobic society. No wonder that when young homosexual men are pressured psychologically (and sometimes physically) to “marry and get settled” by their families, they often cave in! Before we blame them for ruining the life of an innocent girl, it’s also important to ask ourselves, do they have much of an option? Had same-sex marriage been legal in India and had we been ok with an alternate view of marriage, there would be no cases of sham marriages between gay men and heterosexual women in India. And rest assured, there are many such cases in India. If what the scientific community says is true, i.e, 3-5% of any population is LGBTQI and even if a minimum 1% of men are gay, you get an idea of how many millions of men in India are married to women. Sometimes, they don’t even have the guts to tell their wives about their orientation and their ‘dark secret’, sometimes they’re pressurized by their families to not tell anyone in order to ‘save their face in society’. What we end up with is a loveless, unhappy couple in bondage.

This is not what we wanted for our children. But, this is the kind of result we get with an environment that is unwilling to accept uncomfortable facts about human sexuality.

Also, the lack of acceptance of homosexuals doesn’t merely lead to such ‘lavender marriages’, it also hurts the parents of young gay individuals to know that their offspring is not straight. Sometimes, parents themselves are unable to accept their kids as they are, but sometimes it’s the fear of the society. “Even if we accept, so what?! Society will never accept our children and their relationships”.

The gay youth’s depression because of this rejection of sexuality becomes their parents’ depression too – yes the parents who are straight, who are not gay!

Fraud marriages and concerned parents are just 2 examples of how nonacceptance of gays in society affects ALL OF US!

You must be to comment.
  1. badal_ja

    Thanks for writing this, Sarabjeet! — interesting/important angle that we often overlook.

  2. VISH

    Hey friends!
    The Humsafar Trust, Mumbai started this online petition so that it can be submitted to our PM Narendra Modi to amend Section 377.
    SIGN this petition and share it in your timeline.

  3. Derek Williams

    This article makes an excellent point, that where you have a society whose marriages are not based on love, but arranged by family based upon status and property rights, it’s hard to convince anyone that homosexuals’ right to marry a partner they’re in love with is an issue, since heterosexuals are also required to marry someone they’re not interested in. You’re not expected to even like your wife let alone love her, merely to impregnate her so as to produce children who can be arranged into future marriages by the families. Until that is resolved, homosexuality will continue to be stigmatised, even though it’s irrelevant to the Indian marriage protocol anyway.

    1. sarab

      Derek, what you’re talking about is no longer the scenario for indian youth, atleast not in urban india , by any stretch ! and atleast not at all for non-religious people !
      An indian girl won’t stay with her husband unless he satisfies her and the law permits divorce on such grounds. What I see today is openness among youth. Gone are the days when marriage was not for love

    2. Derek Williams

      LGBT people coming out and marshalling their heterosexual allies, families and friends is the only sure way to overcome prejudice and persecution.

  4. ashish

    Abe maanyta de do gay logo ko ….tumko samjh kyu nhi aata ….ladko ka pyaar anmol hota h

    1. Derek Williams

      Can you provide an English translation please? Google Translate doesn’t recognise your language.

    2. sarab

      Hey Derek, its me Sarabjeet, you must have seen me on Gay Star News commenting 😛

      ashish said “now give recognition to gay people, why don’t you understand love among boys is priceless ^__^”

    3. Derek Williams

      Thanks Sarabjeet!

  5. Shubho

    Awesome article.. Great thinking… Girls, Wives & Mothers should read it immediately.. I always voiced for legalizing same sex marriage rather than legalizing Same sex. But what can I do in single? We all should realise this & raise voice for same sex marriage..

  6. Fokeerbux Najeeb A.

    Live and let live. For EQUAL Human Rights.

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