This post has been self-published on Youth Ki Awaaz by Youth Ki Awaaz. Just like them, anyone can publish on Youth Ki Awaaz.

“I Quit My Job And Even Terminated A Pregnancy For Him, And Then He Disappeared!”

More from Youth Ki Awaaz

By Oxfam India:

I screamed and burst into tears, “You don’t understand my feelings. What kind of solutions are you suggesting?” The counselor on the other side of the table however sat calmly, unfazed by the outburst. “Well, I am in love with him and you tell me to leave him. Will I not be upset?” I demanded to know. But Meena didi (the Social Worker) did not even blink at my tantrums. And I slowly realised that she was only testing me and my determination to sustain the relationship. And then she became my confidante and friend.

inter caste marriage

It all began when I fell in love with Dasarathi, my classmate in college, and we got married at a temple. I belong to a Scheduled Caste while Dasarathi belongs to a Scheduled Tribe, a social grouping that is considered higher than SCs in Kandhamal.

After we started living together, I realised that he was a very possessive person. He did not like the fact that I was working because to him that meant that I would be interacting with other men. He got so jealous after a point that he wanted me to quit my government job as a teacher. And I did… for him! Though we struggled for money, it was ok with us.

The fairytale went on until one day his estranged family decided to intervene. His brother dropped in one day and took him out for a while. Dasarathi told me he would be back in just a bit, and since his brother had come to their house for the first time, he would be staying for dinner. He left me with instructions that I should start cooking. I got on with the task and cooked an elaborate meal. All done, I waited for them to return. But they never came back home.

After waiting until the next morning, I called him and got to know that his brother had taken him away and had no plans of sending him back. Aghast and alone, I spent days trying to contact him. At times, he would send messages that he will come home soon but never turned up. Then, 26 days later, I went to the Women Support Centre at Phulbani’s Superintendant of Police’s office, run by ISD. I had seen the sign board many times so I knew where the Centre was. What I did not know was that I would need it one day.

The Centre staff listened to my whole story, established the fact that I was never legally married to Dasarathi and that it was unlikely that he would come back. They now needed to work out a strategy and, as a first step, asked me to move in with my parents. I asked them to send a letter to him but the social workers told me to be patient. And that a letter may be perceived mistakenly as a divorce notice. They wanted to meet him and talk to him.

I faced problems from other quarters too. My parents refused to take me back but agreed to let me live with my grandmother. I was now jobless too, and so I joined the training centre at Ahimsa NGO, working as a counselor. I also shifted to the government run shelter home attached to the NGO.

My husband would repeatedly call me and say a lot of sweet nothings. He would come to visit and bring gifts. But, there never was a word of commitment from him on when he would get back together with me.

When the Support Centre finally sent him a notice, his elder brother appeared and argued on his behalf. I argued that my husband was not a child and that he should come and settle matters. Yet, nothing happened. There was even a time when he got drunk and came to Ahimsa to argue with me. When our Director intervened, he beat the Director up and had to be arrested. It was a very frustrating time for me. But the Support Centre did not let me give up.

I had left my job for him. I had to even terminate a pregnancy because he did not want children yet. And his disappearance is what I got as a reward. But Ahimsa taught me confidence. So while I wanted that he be punished, I did not want to leave him either because I loved him so much.

The Support Centre then arranged for another meeting where Dasarathi finally showed up, apologised and agreed for a court marriage. The counseling team facilitated an agreement for a court marriage. It was then that I, because of the support from the social workers, decided that I did not want to marry him. He had no respect for me, why should I then do this was my question. His face was a sight to behold when I said that. While initially reluctant, I finally agreed to the marriage. The main issue for him was that his elder brother was ostracizing him as I belonged to a lower caste according to them. And that because of this, he might never find a suitable bride. That was the peg his brother used for an emotional blackmail.

With Dasharathi agreeing to a court marriage, and his family coming around, I in a way proved that I can fight my battles and win them too. “Sabita stands as an icon for fight against caste discrimination and politics in Kandhamal which has been a hotbed for so much contempt and stigma based on caste for so long,” said Meena, the social worker at the Support Centre.

Needless to say, my wedding was a family affair for the WSC team who backed me at each step in my pursuit of happiness.

You must be to comment.
  1. Babar

    This fictional story is meant to bank on people’s emotions. In reality, most divorces are initiated by women, and there reasons range from boredom to lack of chemistry to better sex elsewhere to more freedom and wanting to be single again. Of course, men are raped in divorce courts as women get the children, alimony, and half of a man’s property.

    Women are truly liberated.

    1. rebel

      The problems of pre marital sex and abortion has surely got a bad effect on the society.But everything cannot be judged upon women , even men have the obligation towards these things.
      Nowadays people are going against patriarchy,societal rules,etc.Youth want freedom for doing whatever they want, they don’t heed towards the orders of their family.
      And as a result this is what happens.
      I dont mean to say that everything the patriarchy and society brings should be followed,but they should try to take the positives out of it.
      pre marital sex is a taboo , in our society,and there have been many protests and opinion against the society for keeping it a taboo.The youth have to reason out the implications of premarital sex on themselves , on the build up of the society , etc and have to make a decision upon that.

    2. Kartik

      Oh look, it is Babar, my favorite male chauvinist is back to put points at exactly the wrong forum.

      Here is an idea Babar, go start a support group for the oppressed men, this post is about the violence a woman faced and also what her husband would have had to bear while his family was forcing him to break away from the girl.

      You can keep highlighting the plight of men at the right forum.
      You also know you can’t deny the gender violence in India and please stop being an idiot

    3. Avinesh Saini

      Man, you surely are relentless.

  2. Babar

    Feminists promote sexual liberation with the help of pro-abortion feminist groups, who encourage promiscuity, praise nudity, encourage women to dress scantily, and promote abortion. With a rise in multiple transient sexual relationships, premarital sex and extramarital affairs in the name of women’s liberation and emancipation, an increase in pregnancies outside marriage, especially teenage pregnancies is inevitable. With that comes the need for an abortion.

    1. joshua

      Do you know how immature and silly you sound?

    2. Kartik

      Actually he does not know that.

      His mission in life is to troll such forums.

    3. Not a feminist

      Babar,
      You pathetic piece of shit.

      Do you even know what feminism is? You clearly don’t! It’s not about dressing scantily but more about dressing the way a woman wants.. Rascals like look at women even they are burkha. It’s because of men like you that the whole gender gets a bad name.

      And you realise that these feminist that you are talking about are having sex with men. So you are fine with men having premarital sex but not women?? Tell me how does that work?

      Instead of spewing hate here.. Why don’t you just crawl back to the rat hole you came from and make this world a better place you moron

  3. Jasmeet

    After reading the whole, i am still in that state why did she married to that man again who left her knowing the fact she is doing everything what he wanted? What if he would leave her again by sm other reason next time? what she will do when she would have kids and again this melodrama happen? For me, this sounds the immaturity of this women not at all an intelligent descion just for the sake of love when trust is already been lost!

  4. sakshar

    Moral: Love is not BLIND. Because of love ppl wants to be BLIND.
    Hats off to that Lady for her ultimate commitment for love.

  5. Preeti

    That is because he loved you and not only himself, there are some parasite who love themselves. Women fall in such love traps, which are only temporary. For a woman all is lost in that trap. What could you do if his family would have got him married to another woman when they took him away from you after the live-in? In your case, he has the wish to be with and so he came back. There are men who have good times and then go ahead and settle with a woman who their family selects, their society selects. They then find happiness, honour and right of the other woman on them. What can one do than, snatch the other woman’s Home for completing yours with a man who thinks you can do without him?

    I would say the best is to be independent and stand on your own feet. Be strong enough to earn your own living with dignity. It is better to love an orphan and give him a Home, which he or she rightly deserves. And if you think you are vandalised by love so much that you cannot love anyone else, love yourself, love the God who created you so wonderfully and take pride in keeping his creation happy 🙂

  6. RDG

    You marrying this spineless man wasn’t a symbol of your strength but a sign of how truly dependent and desperate you are.
    So quit making this about how noble and sacrificial you are. Grow up, get some self-respect and get over yourself.

More from Youth Ki Awaaz

Similar Posts

By Youth Ki Awaaz

By Youth Ki Awaaz

By Youth Ki Awaaz

Wondering what to write about?

Here are some topics to get you started

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

Share your details to download the report.









We promise not to spam or send irrelevant information.

A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

Sign up for the Youth Ki Awaaz Prime Ministerial Brief below