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‘My Friend Was Gang Raped By A Group Of Girls’: Turning The Gaze On Male Rape

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By Anshul Mittal:

My friend was gang raped by a group of girls and no he didn’t enjoy it.

Yes, you read it right. However unbelievable it may sound, but men are also raped, they are also sexually assaulted, and it is not something that they enjoy. We all are familiar with the famous movie ‘Aitraaz’. Although it was only reel life, but it was based on a very important issue of our real lives which is going unnoticed in our society. According to an article that quotes a Human Rights Watch Report, one in every two boys is sexually abused in India. So why is it that whenever we hear the word sexual harassment we only think of a girl, a woman or an old lady as a victim?

Picture Credit
Picture Credit

The sexual harassment of women at workplace Act, 2013 is not gender neutral. How is the mental agony a man faces of not getting promoted in his job because he is not sleeping with his boss any different from that faced by a woman? The feminists argue that today our priority should be to protect women, assumed to be the weaker section of the society, and the male chauvinists boast that men are strong enough to take care of themselves. Being a woman myself, I believe that the only difference between a man and a woman is in their body structure and both of them deserve equality in all spheres of life.

While doing my research on this topic, I asked some of my friends what they thought about sexual assault of men. The majority of them were surprised to know that something like this even exists and those who did said that they were sure men enjoy such things. It is because of this attitude that such cases go unreported. Men fear that their masculinity will be questioned if they come out and tell what happened to them. Why do men need an approval from the society to prove their masculinity?

The decision to make rape laws gender neutral was taken by the Centre by passing the Criminal Law (Amendment) Ordinance, 2013 bill but this amendment was reversed the very same year. According to Pinky Behra, a practising lawyer in  the Supreme Court, ‘as section 375 of the Indian Penal Court stands, rape is something that only a man can do to a woman and if such an act is committed against a man he can only complaint with the police but cannot prosecute the accused in the court of law’.

The story of Vinodhan is one among the many unnoticed, unheard, uncared stories framing every day in India. Sexual assault is not simply a “crime of passion” where the perpetrator loses control. Rather it is about “power and control”. By turning a blind eye against sexual assault of men, are we ourselves making this a male dominant society? Do we ourselves believe that men are stronger than women? Do we want to live in that India which becomes safe for our daughters, but we are still scared to send our sons out of the house alone? It is time we make India safe for all its citizens and not only for the fairer sex and the first step in doing this is to overcome the mental block that men always want sex and they are never the “victims” of this act.

You must be to comment.
  1. Koustav Shaw

    It would have been better if it would have been descriptive, of course keeping the credentials of the victims hidden. Being a witness of such a situation from a close perspective I would say that women are not the only one who gets abused or harassed sexually, men too are being abused. To be candid, I was hoping to have a fine read.

  2. Amitabh S

    I was taken aback by the statement in the first paragraph: “According to a study done by Human Rights Watch, one in every two boys is sexually abused in India” if true this is a severe issue which is going unnoticed, as marked by my ingnorance of the fact. Could you cite the source for this? I tried searching and it seems you are referring to this report: http://www.hrw.org/sites/default/files/reports/india0113ForUpload.pdf But, I cannot find this statistic anywhere.

    Thanks

  3. someone

    Thank you for raising this issue with its merits and not acting like a typical MRA, who only goes around shaming women rather than actually help men in distress.

  4. Devarsi

    That the guy’s name is Vinodhan (literally meaning ‘entertainment’) is kinda funny.

  5. Devarsi

    Also why does this article link to another article which has the story of a boy being raped by men? Doesn’t the title say “my friend….girls”? Isn’t that kind of a clickbait, Youth ki Awaaz?

    1. Adi

      It’s “my friend was gang raped by a group of girls” hence the my friend…girls.

  6. just a human with no gender,no religion and no nationality

    Great article.
    It is not just sexual harassment that people faces but also emotional.
    Men are told to be strong, aggressive, emotionless etc n so are women told to be weak, compassionate, shy etc.
    Blaming each other is not the solution. It is not men v/s women. It is men n women v/s stereotypes=inequality.

    1. Atheist

      The last line, Totallly agree with you.

    2. ramneek no caste

      Hi,l jst wana congratulate u for having such a good username,, it clearly gives a massage,,,,,,
      (another human)

  7. Ranjini

    This is the most ridiculous thing i have ever read!! Not only is this physically impossible…for two reasons -1. Men don’t get an erection unless sexually aroused…(if he does get it is evident he is enjoying it) 2. Men are physically stronger than women hence he can very well protect himself from forced intercourse! This is a sick attempt to demean the torment undergone by women due to rape and a deliberate attack with false statistics…just to prove that men are a downtrodden lot too!! Shame on the writer!!

    1. (not)rapist

      Oh so you think just because the man got an erection, he was enjoying himself? Your stereotypical assumptions are as good as this country. Have you heard about the adolescent teen who got raped by women and contracted an STD in Africa. Oh wait! He had an erection! So he was enjoying himself! Offcourse! Men cannot be raped! We enjoy it!! Yeah!! We have no feelings, we don’t cry we don’t get to choose whom we sleep with, so whoever decides to supposedly ‘rape’ a man, it not rape, because we enjoy it! The best part is, our expert here has scientifically proven that men are stronger than women ( all the men! No exception!), how can that even happen?!? Right? I really don’t know what you have been reading (Or smoking) to have such, sick, twisted thoughts about this whole topic. Meanwhile if you are interested go up to a random man and ‘rape’ him if you get urges. Don’t worry, he’ll love it.

    2. Rag

      Dear Rajini,
      one can get an erection, even without arousal (mental). Have you heard about the potency test?

    3. Diksha

      Half knowledge is always dangerous dear!
      May be you don’t know, human sexual arousal comes by physical stimulation, then may it be a woman or man. They both need physical stimulus. There is arousal in Rape but the victim never enjoys it (that’s the reason why it is called rape… Otherwise it would have been known as simply sex) this is because it is emotionally, morally and even physically hurting for him/her. And the point about men being stronger than women.. You are right but there are certain ways you can force a man like drugging him, there are certain drugs called”rape drugs”. Even elder women can rape younger boys, Men can rape boys (just the way it is in case of girls). I hope I satisfied doubts in your mind. If not feel free to ask! Please think and research before you start your baseless arguments (remarks)… Whatever.

    4. raj

      case 1) when a male forces his genital into female’s mouth (not vagina), then it is legally called rape. But when a female forces her mouth on male/male-child genital, then as per law – it is not called rape. Why? Also, notice that in this case, forced envelopment by female mouth, the erection of male organ is not needed. So there goes your erection argument in dustbin.

      case 2) if a man promises a woman to marry, and has sexual relationship with her for one year. Later he does not marry, then many will not treat it as – breach of promise. But they will treat it as rape.
      But if after one year of sexual relationship – male wants to marry her,but female does not want to marry and moves to another more wealthy options- then it is no abuse/rape/whatever!!!

      i can list so many scenarios, but you may have understood the logic.
      ===============================

      (case2) As for physical strength argument,

      (case 2A) a drugged man(by injection) of same age is much weaker.
      ===================
      (case 2B) A boy who is raped in age of 7 years is far weaker by his rapist – a female of 25 years
      ================
      (case 2C) in one recent case i saw on saavdhaan india, a Father in law of age 70 years was raped by his daughter in law of 35-37 years, and he committed suicide later. Obviously a 70 age person is much weaker than 35-37 yars age person in most of the case.

      =====================
      3) Persons with your kind are a blot on society, who think that there is a competition between male victims and female victims. No.
      Male victims need as much support as female victims. Supporting male victims does not mean being against female victims. It is about support ALL the “victims” (male or female)_, and being against all the perpetrators(male or female).

      4) do not stereotype men in physical strength. Not every man is dara singh, not every woman is a stick thin. Respected Manmohan singh ji is physically far weaker than many similar age women politicians – who are CM/ex-CM of states. (disclaimer: i am not dragging his name into this rape discussion, i am just talking about his example for physical strength discussion). Many men are physically weaker than many women or many women acting in groups.
      Not every woman is such beautiful that every man is just dreaming about her. Many ugly/unattractive woman are too there, who are despo. Don’t think that every man is just despo to jump into act, with any woman he gets invitation.
      =====================
      ======================
      4) statement of your kind from the whole society is the very reason, that male victims refuse to come out from their shell. You people will either disbelief, or will mock the male victims.
      ================

    5. raj

      This article is not about attacking females, it is about female rapists.
      This article is not about disbeleiving female victims, it is about supporting male victims.
      1) Not every female is perfect, otherwise every female would have been God.
      2) Not every male is a potential demon.

      The reality is that Many males are good, many males are bad. Many females are good, many females are bad. Nobody in this article is stereotyping about “all” females here. But stereotyped thinking that – “every females is fairy/good (in sexual matters) or only males can be bad (in sexual matters)” – is the very basis that this society is so messed up.

    6. Khushboo

      1) An erection is a physical response, not necessarily always linked to sexual arousal. Men can get erections even while asleep. They cannot always help it, and it does not always signal sexual arousal or interest.
      2) MOST men are physically stronger than men, yes. However, all men aren’t physically stronger than all women. Pit a well-trained woman against a man with no training whatsoever, and I’m pretty sure she will be able to take him down. Also, physical strength is not an automatic defence against sexual assault. The victim could be drugged, tied down, asleep, unconscious, threatened, vulnerable, etc. People with history of sexual assault can even go into shock, making it impossible for them to fight back or even react in any way.

      By claiming that it is impossible for a woman to sexually assault a man against his will (whether it be rape, molestation, or otherwise) is trivialising their trauma. Exposing the truth about how anyone can be a victim of sexual assault, regardless of gender, and how anyone can be a perpetrator or aggressor – also regardless of gender, is simply turning a blind eye to one side of the truth. Men, women, and everyone who does not conform to the gender binary can be victims of assault. It is a harsh reality that needs to be accepted, and not be shamed or dismissed by saying that one is physically stronger than the other or something similar. Insinuating that someone’s trauma is somehow not real because of their gender is wrong. By saying that acknowledging the fact that men get raped too somehow trivialises women’s rapes, you are contributing to the problem.
      As someone who was assaulted as a child, I can tell you that rape is something that leaves a very, very deep mark that doesn’t quite go away. And as someone who knows exactly what it is like, I can also tell you that it can happen to ANYONE. And it can be done by ANYONE. Regardless of age, sex, gender, orientation, or any of the arbitrary labels we choose to differentiate humans by.

    7. Khushboo

      Exposing the truth about how anyone can be a victim of sexual assault, regardless of gender, and how anyone can be a perpetrator or aggressor – also regardless of gender, is essential. By claiming it is ridiculous, you are simply turning a blind eye to one side of the truth.*

    8. rajiv

      most of mens arousal ocurs during asleep. Mens organ also get erected quicker than girl. So, it wil be very easy to rape him.

    9. life form

      You need to understand what the author wants to convey. Men getting raped might not only mean forced sexual encounter, it can also mean something like a sex associated blackmail. The author has indirectly given an example “How is the mental agony a man faces of not getting promoted in his job because he is not sleeping with his boss any different from that faced by a woman?” This could mean that the man does not want to have sex with his boss but was forced to do it because he needs promotion. The term force in “forced sexual encounter” need not be just physical force.

    10. A GIRL

      It is not so ranjini.
      Men do get raped. All men are not physically and mentally strong. It is just the society and stereotypes which teach boys n girls that men must be strong just in the same way it teaches that women are inferior. It always must be HE FOR SHE and SHE FOR HE.

    11. Captain Logic

      I am a feminist and to me your comment is utterly ignorant. A man can get an erection with physical stimulation and yet not enjoy himself. He goes through just as much trauma as a female victim goes through. In some ways, it is even worse because the patriarchy expects men to be strong. So the humiliation can even be worse because nobody is going to believe that even men can get raped. If you want to be a true feminist, have just much empathy for males who suffer as you do for females.

    12. Jaskaren

      I agree with you 100%. “According to a study done by Human Rights Watch, one in every two boys is sexually abused in India,” this is absolutely FALSE. To all of you who are believing this, shame on you.

    13. sell

      You people with your mindset that make increasingly rapists escape their crimes. Sad thing!

    14. Anonymous

      Erections in human males are involuntary. Due to the fact that there are several different types of systems and the numerous different neurotransmitters involved, an erection doesn’t necessarily have to happen just because a man is aroused. Guys can have nocturnal erections that happen while sleeping. Electrical stimulation can cause erections, there can also be reflexive erections that are caused by damage to the spinal cord, known as a priapism.

      Much like female erectile response, male erectile response is involuntary, meaning that a man need not be aroused for his penis to become erect; mechanical stimulation is all that is necessary. Arousal and stimulation are not the same thing. Stimulation is a physical response to a stimulus. Men can be physically stimulated without feeling aroused and thus causing an erection. Men can be scared and intimidated into an erection, especially if the person is older or an authority.

    15. Aishwary

      Ohh plz ranjini dont say that if a guy gets an erection then he is surely enjoying it….
      Erection is just an involuntary response to physical stimuli and in no way means a boys consent to an intercourse….
      And as far as physical power is concerned then a boy may be more powerful physically but when blackmailed they dont have any other option left….
      And forcing anyone into sexual contact either physically or mentally is called a RAPE…..
      Feminists like you dont understand that rape is a gender neutral crime….

    16. Mahesh

      one thing… sexual arousal… which you speak of… can happen even without the consent of the victim. to say plainly… It is a physical reaction of the body to stimuli… not a mental one. Your argument is invalid.

  8. Babar

    @Ranjini: The chemical reaction in the body is the same at the time of rape as it is during sexual intercourse, thus the erection, and how would it sound if I said that women enjoy getting raped because their pussies become wet? No offence….my comment is only highlighting your idiocy.

    1. Felix

      Ranjini 0 – 1 Babar

  9. Diksha

    A very good write up indeed…. I must say u highlighted a very important n concerning issue which is going unnoticed.. Even I m a girl.. But I still feel that somewhere we are going wrong. In an attempt to protect women we are ignoring assaulted men.. we want to eradicate rapes the n whoever the victim may be (male or female). We don’t want a female dominant or feminist society.. What we want is equality
    And according to me that will happen only if our recent so called “women-centric” laws are changed and made gender equal. We have a long way to go.

  10. rakesh

    You have touched upon a topic, which does not find much resonance in our society. Both men and women should be treated equally and the laws should not favor one over the other.

  11. raj

    it is good that you came with pain of your friend. But keeping him anonymous, you could share the incident in more concrete way. I am myself victim of continuous rapes by an adult female relative, when i was a (male) child of seven years of age. Till date , i am very much vary of females, now i have lots of emotional problems now in romantically attaching to any female. I am not able to share anything about this to anybody, because I know nobody would empathise me, nor will take any action against her or anything.
    Whenever I have tried to come up with similar incidents(not mine) of other male children during discussions, I am immediately made to shut up, as a male has to strong and if he feels abused, then he is weak and not worthy of being called male!
    So i can very well relate to what your friend may be going through. Society is so much busy in gyno-worship, gyno-sympathy; that they have forgotten that apart from female victims- the male victims too need help.
    Many will say – how a male can be raped? If he could penetrate the female genital then it means , he was consenting. But they are so much blind by the biased definition. I am unable to understand that when a man forces genitals in a female “mouth”(not vagina) then it is rape, but how come when a female forces her mouth on a male/male child’s genital then why it is not called rape, at the most it is called ‘sexual assault’.

    I will suggest you to describe your friend’s incident by keeping him anonymous. Rather than linking it to an url of another almost irrelevant incident.

  12. just another person

    I have been forced to have sex… And in my case I wasn’t enjoying it… I was naturally lubricated, which means theoretically that I was aroused, but I didn’t feel aroused, I was crying by the end of it because It hurt. So, just saying. It can go the same way for men. It’s not like they have to enjoy it however which way sex comes to them

  13. Gaurav

    sodomy is prevelant and an open secret. Men and Boys are abused and raped by Men and Women alike.

    Most of the men who turn out to be sadistic adults in thier sexual behaviour have been abused in their youth, teenage and adulthood and they start believing it as a way of life.

    As far as men getting RAPED. If its outraging a modesty of a human being and touching him/Her in appropriately. Yes they they are Raped too. If its about damaging them Physically and Emotionally. Yes they are Raped. Does it happen at workplace ? for the numbers it surprisingly high percentage.

  14. Babar

    Woman rapes 8 year old boy, gets only 2 years in jail!

    http://youtu.be/n9mWcgl2Gzs

  15. Ketan

    This article is full of BS. And Can you prove your survey how 1 in every 2 guys in india is sexually assaulted. Total BS. I know this Youth ki awaaz gives platform for young minds to open up. But it should be reviewed a couple of times before they publish anything. BUllSHit. Bullshit.
    Matlab kuch bhi kisi ko bhi. This only shows the intensity of dumbnuts in our society.

    1. Anshul Mittal

      http://wcd.nic.in/childabuse.pdf please go through this report and check the statistics if you think this article is a total bullshit

    2. Ketan Brahmos

      Dear Anshul,
      please read your Survey again and aagain and again. It says 2 out of 3 children are physically abused. Most of them are boys . “THEY ARE NOT BEING RAPED”. It is pointing towards physical violance by their parents. Beetch please.

  16. cat

    how is it possible for a man to get raped by girls? unless they force feed him viagra and wait till the medicine acts! Molestation is possible. but rape by girls! seriously?

    1. Anshul Mittal

      Men can be physically stimulated without feeling aroused thus causing the erection.. infact if u refer to the above comments you can see that someone has already mentioned that “I have been forced to have sex… And in my case I wasn’t enjoying it… I was naturally lubricated, which means theoretically that I was aroused, but I didn’t feel aroused, I was crying by the end of it because It hurt.” So I don’t think that force feeding viagra is the only option here

    2. WhoTheHell_Cares

      You have a very limited idea of what constitutes rape. You don’t even have to touch any persons genitalia to rape them. Boys and girls can be anally raped, not just by insertion of a persons genitals, but also by a persons digits and in the case of extremes, by objects. To assume that rape only involves the genitals of the victim is plain ignorance.

  17. Maya

    Feminism is about equality. The statement made here ‘The feminists argue that today our priority should be to protect women, assumed to be the weaker section of the society’ is just not right. The most recent feminism movement is actually titled ‘He for She’. Look it up.

    1. Rifath Fathima

      So true.. I was wondering why no one has commented about that.

  18. Maya

    It’s awful that Indian rape laws don’t protect men, that really needs to change

  19. Shatakshi Gawade

    The article does well in pointing out that men cannot prosecute the accused in case of rape, an element that needs to be investigated and worked on. However, I disagree with the author where she says that the only difference between a man and a woman is the anatomy. There are social differences that disadvantage women, which have been handed down to us through history. It is these disadvantages that justify the special reservations and legal treatment that a woman deserves.

    1. Shashank Peri

      Agreed that a woman has certain social disadvantages. But a rape victim be it male or female has equal disadvantage.
      Now since the social media has come out all against rape, women are able to speak about it compared to a time when they couldn’t at all.
      But when a man says he has been raped he is made fun of, humiliated, and that forces him to never speak of the horror that he has been through. Which eventually lets him to paranoia if people in general and often madness.

  20. Meh

    Rape is never about the sex. It is to show just how much one can degrade a person , humiliate them by performing something otherwise so intimate.

  21. Shashank Peri

    Funny, I wrote on the same topic with much more content and research but yka refused to publish it.

    Nonetheless, really glad to see the issue of gender neutral laws addressed

  22. Piyush

    Yes you are right. No one knows about this,everyone has a mind set that a girl is the only one who could get sexually assaulted by a man. Really appriciate your article and thoughts and yes we must change our thinking that every men enjoys it.

  23. Raj

    “The feminists argue that today our priority should be to protect women, assumed to be the weaker section of the society, and the male chauvinists boast that men are strong enough to take care of themselves.”

    This is what is wrong with the world right now.

    Feminism is NOT, despite some women trying to portray it this way, about prioritizing women over men. Feminism is about the SAME rights for women that men have. That is it. No matter how hard anybody tries, the meaning of feminism cannot change.
    I highly recommend you watch Emma Watson’s UN speech.
    Until people realize what feminism is before bashing feminists, you won’t be taken seriously and for good reason.

  24. PK

    I would agree that boys or men also molested or even raped….by all the genders…. There are feminine boys, not only physically but, mentally weak too…they become the prey….sometimes a masculine person may go through such situation due to circumstances…however, our society or so called culture does not allow this masculine gender to express their grief and pain. When I was hospitalised due to severe injuries and was half conscious, the nurse who used to clean me, would play with my privates. I could sense it, feel it but, could not do anything…

  25. Aishwarya Pandey

    To attract attention, a general article on male sexual exploitation is being INCORRECTLY TITLED as “””friend was gang-raped by a group of “”GIRLS””””! Even this is not all, when I clicked on the link “Story of Vinodhan” the true story that is being wrongly quoted comes out to be as “”Man gang raped by a group of “MEN”””” ” and no one is even clarifying the doubts raised in the comments! For example someone above has asked citation to the HUE statment- one in every 2 men is sexually harassed in India?????

  26. rohet

    i would like to say that women like RAJNI are the reason why our country is in the sorry state that it is in. For some someone educated enough to use the computer and internet to say the crap and bullshit she is talking i feel as much as i respect women RAJNI is someone who should be publicly slapped for being such a Blot on society.
    Rajni my only advice to you is do all humanity a favour DO NOT REPRODUCE…… we don’t need more idiots like yourself.

  27. mohan kumar

    I strongly agree with author as India’s constitution say all are equal before law. But laws itself are insulting this statement as nowadays women have more rights and can sue any man of basis of biased laws. India constitution should bring laws that have equal rights.

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Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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