By Akhil Kumar:
With Valentine’s Day round the corner, the Hindu Mahasabha is back to live up to its reputation of being the saviour of Indian culture, defending us against the moral corruption of the West. They have taken it upon themselves to teach the lovebirds a lesson or two in Indian culture, by forcibly marrying them off if they are caught publicly expressing their love. “We have prepared teams of youths who will be paying visits to malls, parks, historical monuments and other places frequented by young couples on Valentine’s Day in major towns and cities in the country,” President of Hindu Mahasabha Chandra Prakash Kaushik told PTI.
Amidst all the condemnation, criticism and mockery that the Hindu Mahasabha is facing for their bizarre ideas, some people in Delhi see a wonderful opportunity in this. They are going to assemble right in front of the Hindu Mahasabha office this Valentine’s Day for a ‘mass marriage ceremony’. They are thankful to the right wing organisation for saving them a lot of trouble, which the organiser Laxmi Bai discusses in detail in this interview. The event page on Facebook, SHUDDH DESI ROMANCE: Hindu Mahasabha Style!, is abuzz with activity. From people discussing what to wear for the event, to questions on whether there is provision for ‘Skype Marriages’, the celebratory mood is contagious. We caught hold of Laxmi Bai, who was generous enough to spare time for a quick interview. Here’s all you need to know about the event!
What is ‘Shuddh Desi Romance’ all about?
Its about what it says it is, pure and simple loving, but on our own terms. The Hindu Mahasabha has made this Valentine’s Day special. It has announced that on this day, their volunteers would look out for celebrating couples found in the streets, in parks, in cinemas, in restaurants (wherever!) and marry them off! Since they have come up with this wonderful plan of giving a shudh desi twist to Valentine’s day by affirming our sacred sanskriti of marriage (forced?) in India, we felt we should at least make the execution of their plan easier. Why trouble the Hindu Mahasabha volunteers so much that they have to look for us who are in love, those of us who have been battling so many hardships of family, money and society in our dream to dutifully marry the one we love?
Wouldn’t it be a great idea to gather all struggling lovers and otherwise in gratitude outside the Hindu Mahasabha head office on Mandir Marg (how apt!) (Closest Metro: Ramakrishna Ashram Marg) this Valentine’s Day for the most EPIC mass marriage ceremony Delhi will ever see!
Now that the Mahasabha is on our side, we are in a better position to battle all caste, class, religion, gotra type barriers that romance in this country generally comes up against. And mass weddings are also lighter on the pocket!
Don’t you think inter-caste and inter-religion marriages would be a problem for the Hindu Mahasabha?
The Mahasabha says that it is against caste so obviously inter-caste marriage will be given importance. Look at the Hindu Mahasabha, they are saying that they will marry inter-religion couples even if their parents don’t agree. That is incredible! The only people who have shown the courage to bypass the institution of family is them. Hindu Mahasabha are leading the way, and the public should follow! Love Jihad is truly possible now.
And well, if they have called out to the lovers then they shall come, and people do love across all lines! So hopefully there will be all kinds of marriages: monogamous, polygamous, same sex, inter-caste, inter-religion, anything you can think of! Creativity is crucial to romance!.
The Mahasabha has said that it won’t do same sex marriages. However, we just saw this group on FB – Lesbians and Gays support the Mahasabha. Jab Miya Miya aur Biwi Biwi razi, toh kya karega kazi!
How many people are you expecting?
Well, it is a good occasion to get married. The weather is pleasant and good for a wide range of wedding costumes, the bright afternoon will be excellent for those “golden moments” photographs and Mandir Marg is an easy venue for the guests to arrive. So we do think that all wise lovers around town should try and make it.
Lets make it the best of the ache din, in fact, maybe this initiative by the Mahasabha was all that we needed to take Modiji’s acche din to the next level.
Also, street parties are fun, especially marriage parties. There will be dancing, a lot of it!
What advice do you have for the party-goers?
Be colourful. Be Flamboyant. Be Fun. Be romantic!
Come along in your fabulous wedding dresses, suits, sherwanis and such things! Bring wacky wedding vows, bright flowers, loud dholaks, dark mehendi, band baaja baraat, meher, heart shaped red balloons, garlands, dupattas, cards, poems, songs, dance routines, musical instruments, wedding cakes and whatever you wish. In case you know any lawyers, pandits, priests, qazis, vicars, do bring them along as well. Afterall, shaadi ke ghar mein bahut kaam hote hain.
Most importantly, if you need any fashion advice, contact the PMO office. Fancy suits with your name printed all over in golden thread is trending.
Also, do remember to RSVP at https://www.facebook.com/events/1553535888231594/
Do you think some anti-social elements might try to disrupt the party?
The party should be epic. The only fear is that the feminists will try to disrupt the event and rumour is that they are coming in massive numbers. They are clearly not too fond of the institution of marriage and think its an oppressive institution and should be dismantled. They are known to be very fiery and persuasive in their ways. May God and all the various Holy Ghosts forbid that they shall come and wean away some of the enthusiastic to be weds we are expecting!
And lastly, may we know who you are?
Well, funny that you should ask, and not think us to be some bit of you; that is if you are into the romance kind of stuff. Well factually, we are the laila and majnu who got picked up in the park last week and have been tolerating shit at home about marrying this or that and then and there, and being murdered when we finally do say that we want to marry that one, then and there. Some of us lament the few spaces we have to express our love without ‘a room of one’s own’. We are also people who get stared at when we are walking together hand in hand down the street, some of us are women whose parents are finding it hard to find a groom and have been saving up all their lives to arrange our wedding and the dowry, others, men who love another and can’t say it out loud because our words of love hold no meaning that any sacraments can comprehend. Actually, we are so many of us, that the question appears greatly irrelevant.
Most likely we have met before.
Akhil can be reached on twitter at @Akhil1490
Also Read: Move Over Tinder, Hindu Mahasabha Presents ‘Jai Hinder’ – A ‘Sanskaari’ App For ‘Hindu Rashtra’
Vishnu Nair
Pata Nahi kya hoga…..love birds will get married on Valentine’s Day….even if u describe ur love on facebook….u have to marry….
1) If a boy and girl love each other….want to get married….but their parents are not allowing them to do so…..they must GET MARRIED this Valentine’s Day….they just need to walk together on the road. No one can blame them…
2) Suppose two boys love 1 girl OR two girls love 1 boy (which usually does not happen) tongue emoticon …..what should be the criteria to get married…..who would make the couple….i assume it would be decided on the basis of the no. of likes OR the number of love messages sent…..
3) Suppose I write on my FB….. ” I LOVE KATRINA KAIF”…. OR ” PRIYANKA CHOPRA…my love” …..will I get married to them……but I assume the competition would be very high as there would be many like me….. koi na koi high tech method doondh liya hoga….may be a lucky draw kind of system… “It would be like KATRINA KA SWAYAMVAR….ya fir PRIYANKA AAKHIR KISKO VARMALA PEHNAYENGI”
4) KYA AAP APNI BIWI YA PATI SE PARESHAN HAI…..toh ghoomiye road pe apne EX ke saath….ya fir message kariye apne EX ko “I LOVE YOU”…..aap apne dharampatni ya pati se mukt ho jayenge……u will get a new spouse….offer valid only on VALENTINE’S DAY…Feb 14th…..miss kara toh U would have to wait till next year for this amazing offer…..HURRY UP……
5) Sabse Mast….1.2 billion log rehte hai iss desh main…..jisme se maan lo 55 % log shaadi kar chuke hain…(refer to point 4) ……baaki logon pe nigraani rakhna bahut badi baat hai….i am sure special team would be assigned for this….they would be equipped with modern technology just to analyse the number of I LOVE YOUs…..fir filter karna hai….pata chale MEMBERS OF THE WING HAVE ALSO MESSAGED THEIR GIRLFRIENDS….I LOVE YOU…..but they rare and exceptions…woh hatake….fir shaadi karani hai….Registrar office ke bahar bahut badi queue hogi….Registrar ke office ke saare registers bhar jayenge…..
6) Shaadi ho gayi….ghar wale maan nahi rahe….toh divorce file….kyun?…. without dowry shaadi hui hai na…iss liye…..iss tarah ….these cases would be one among the pending cases of the court…..finally….jald result aaya toh ladke ki doosri shayad kara denge….but ladki…..mushkil hai babu…society will start looking at her as if she is a second hand product ..aur bahut late se aaya…toh it is better ki woh divorce na de….kyunki ab….ladke ko bhi rishta milna mushkil hai….umarr ho gayi….
7) Terrorists enter the country….woh PATAKHE PHODTHE HAIN yahan diwali manathe hain….TOH…..Indians lose life and property….NO PROBLEM…..girls are raped irrespective of what they wear….NO PROBLEM…..people die of hunger…..NO PROBLEM…..people don’t have jobs….HMMM…..NAHI NAHI….LOG BADE BUSY HAIN….SAB KE PAAS KAAM HAIN…..saal ke 365 days main se 14th FEB ko har saal bahut kaam hota hai….that is to disturb others…..baaki sab din shayad VELE honge (until some new master plan comes out to create tension in the society)
Vanshika
Indians know how to make the out of bad situations. This should be epic.
Although I have only one problem. I really didn’t liked the author’s defamation of feminism. We don’t say marriage is oppressive and won’t stop sane, consenting adults from marrying each other (or atleast I won’t ). Marriage is alright as long as the woman doesn’t need to give up her life and freedom just to please her husband and in laws, and is treated as an equal to her husband.
Green Lantern
Marriage is alright if a man is not treated like a bank account, who must obey his wife’s every whim and desire. Marriage is alright if a man is not framed under 498A for dowry or under the domestic violence bill. Marriage is alright is a man does not have to pay for his wife’s extravagant expenditures, who want equality but will spend their husband’s money like their is no tomorrow. Marriage is alright if a man is not used like a disposable item who is left because a woman is ‘bored’ in a relationship. Marriage is alright is a man does not have to pay alimony and child support. Marriage is alright is a man is not abused psychologically by his wife. Marriage is alright if the police and court treat domestic violence from wives with the same regard as they do from husbands. Marriage is alright if women stop whining and complaining all the time.
Vanshika
Now read your comment while saying woman in place of man everywhere, and you will see my viewpoint.
And whoever earns more, pays alimony. Give women equal job opportunities and equal pay, and you won’t have to pay alimony or pay for “their extravagant expenditures”. Don’t be selfish, be an egalitarian or a feminist instead of getting pissed off about everything thing in life that doesn’t go your way because you can’t handle the added competition women will bring to your professional and social lives if they get all the opportunities you are given as birth rights because of your gender.
Green Lantern
Women get special treatment everywhere, more rights, better job opportunities, and then they complain to advance their ‘victim’ status.
irate_pirate
I’m a woman and a victim of 498A and DV. Those laws are seriously senseless. And since 98% of accused are acquitted, pretty useless. They are just a government provided harassment tool for rich and irresponsible urban women. The words in all laws regarding marriage should be spouse instead of husband and wife. I’m a feminist too. But feminism means equality, not abuse of men
Good Man
Hindu Mahasabha will commit a grave crime against men by getting them married to women, giving rise to financial slavery of men, as if enough of it doesn’t exist already. The reason why women are desperate for men is because of their money. Show me a woman who is willing to marry a man who is not rich or earns less than her. Women are goldiggers. They prey on men, then take lakhs to settle divorce cases, alimony, child support, men’s property, cooking up all kinds of stories with the police etc.
Vanshika
Give (or promote) women equal jobs and equal pay as men. Greatly lower the financial burdens on men. It’s a win-win situation!
Fem
Yes you are right my ‘Good Old Man’. Now our secret is out in the open. You spoke something which no one on this site had ever spoken before.
Please do *not* ever marry, if you are heterosexual. If you are in love with a man then fight for the rights to marry him. That would save some unsuspecting evil woman from your ‘good’ clutches and help all of us feminists (feminazis) in pursuing our sinister goals.
Hoping for your support. Thank you for the pearls of wisdom nevertheless.
Ann
Oh come on guys stop insulting them for they are really providing opportunity to all of us i have few ques for them though
if we are supposed to marry the person even if we profess our love on fb that’s really cool but what if i profess my love for more than one man i really really love daniel radcliffe /christian coulson/ matthew lewis/ James and oliver phelps etc etc now as far as i know polyandry is kind of against our culture right?
what are their views regarding married couples u know my aunt and uncles 25th marriage anniversary is coming it would be good to see them married once again
and i don’t even want to start asking them about LGBT love
Baabarr
In polygamy it is women who marry other men knowing that they have a wife. Women destroying women’s lives. – Another example is mothers-in-law abusing daughters-in-law.
ABs
What a lot of ruckus over a Hindu outfit. I don’t think that there will be any outcry if a Muslim Cleric, or a Christian organisation does the same. In fact, Muslims will be ready to kill for preserving the “Honour”, of their religion. People should be thankful that the Hindu Mahasabha, being a Hindu organisation will not get you killed but have you married off. Another Anti-Hindu bias, I suppose?