By Akhil Kumar: 

With Valentine’s Day round the corner, the Hindu Mahasabha is back to live up to its reputation of being the saviour of Indian culture, defending us against the moral corruption of the West. They have taken it upon themselves to teach the lovebirds a lesson or two in Indian culture, by forcibly marrying them off if they are caught publicly expressing their love. “We have prepared teams of youths who will be paying visits to malls, parks, historical monuments and other places frequented by young couples on Valentine’s Day in major towns and cities in the country,” President of Hindu Mahasabha Chandra Prakash Kaushik told PTI.

Amidst all the condemnation, criticism and mockery that the Hindu Mahasabha is facing for their bizarre ideas, some people in Delhi see a wonderful opportunity in this. They are going to assemble right in front of the Hindu Mahasabha office this Valentine’s Day for a ‘mass marriage ceremony’. They are thankful to the right wing organisation for saving them a lot of trouble, which the organiser Laxmi Bai discusses in detail in this interview. The event page on Facebook, SHUDDH DESI ROMANCE: Hindu Mahasabha Style!, is abuzz with activity. From people discussing what to wear for the event, to questions on whether there is provision for ‘Skype Marriages’, the celebratory mood is contagious. We caught hold of Laxmi Bai, who was generous enough to spare time for a quick interview. Here’s all you need to know about the event!

What is ‘Shuddh Desi Romance’ all about?

Its about what it says it is, pure and simple loving, but on our own terms. The Hindu Mahasabha has made this Valentine’s Day special. It has announced that on this day, their volunteers would look out for celebrating couples found in the streets, in parks, in cinemas, in restaurants (wherever!) and marry them off! Since they have come up with this wonderful plan of giving a shudh desi twist to Valentine’s day by affirming our sacred sanskriti of marriage (forced?) in India, we felt we should at least make the execution of their plan easier. Why trouble the Hindu Mahasabha volunteers so much that they have to look for us who are in love, those of us who have been battling so many hardships of family, money and society in our dream to dutifully marry the one we love?

Wouldn’t it be a great idea to gather all struggling lovers and otherwise in gratitude outside the Hindu Mahasabha head office on Mandir Marg (how apt!) (Closest Metro: Ramakrishna Ashram Marg) this Valentine’s Day for the most EPIC mass marriage ceremony Delhi will ever see!

Now that the Mahasabha is on our side, we are in a better position to battle all caste, class, religion, gotra type barriers that romance in this country generally comes up against. And mass weddings are also lighter on the pocket!

Don’t you think inter-caste and inter-religion marriages would be a problem for the Hindu Mahasabha?

The Mahasabha says that it is against caste so obviously inter-caste marriage will be given importance. Look at the Hindu Mahasabha, they are saying that they will marry inter-religion couples even if their parents don’t agree. That is incredible! The only people who have shown the courage to bypass the institution of family is them. Hindu Mahasabha are leading the way, and the public should follow! Love Jihad is truly possible now.

And well, if they have called out to the lovers then they shall come, and people do love across all lines! So hopefully there will be all kinds of marriages: monogamous, polygamous, same sex, inter-caste, inter-religion, anything you can think of! Creativity is crucial to romance!.

The Mahasabha has said that it won’t do same sex marriages. However, we just saw this group on FB – Lesbians and Gays support the Mahasabha. Jab Miya Miya aur Biwi Biwi razi, toh kya karega kazi!

How many people are you expecting?

Well, it is a good occasion to get married. The weather is pleasant and good for a wide range of wedding costumes, the bright afternoon will be excellent for those “golden moments” photographs and Mandir Marg is an easy venue for the guests to arrive. So we do think that all wise lovers around town should try and make it.

Lets make it the best of the ache din, in fact, maybe this initiative by the Mahasabha was all that we needed to take Modiji’s acche din to the next level.

Also, street parties are fun, especially marriage parties. There will be dancing, a lot of it!

What advice do you have for the party-goers?

Be colourful. Be Flamboyant. Be Fun. Be romantic!

Come along in your fabulous wedding dresses, suits, sherwanis and such things! Bring wacky wedding vows, bright flowers, loud dholaks, dark mehendi, band baaja baraat, meher, heart shaped red balloons, garlands, dupattas, cards, poems, songs, dance routines, musical instruments, wedding cakes and whatever you wish. In case you know any lawyers, pandits, priests, qazis, vicars, do bring them along as well. Afterall, shaadi ke ghar mein bahut kaam hote hain.

Most importantly, if you need any fashion advice, contact the PMO office. Fancy suits with your name printed all over in golden thread is trending.

Also, do remember to RSVP at https://www.facebook.com/events/1553535888231594/

Do you think some anti-social elements might try to disrupt the party?

The party should be epic. The only fear is that the feminists will try to disrupt the event and rumour is that they are coming in massive numbers. They are clearly not too fond of the institution of marriage and think its an oppressive institution and should be dismantled. They are known to be very fiery and persuasive in their ways. May God and all the various Holy Ghosts forbid that they shall come and wean away some of the enthusiastic to be weds we are expecting!

And lastly, may we know who you are?

Well, funny that you should ask, and not think us to be some bit of you; that is if you are into the romance kind of stuff. Well factually, we are the laila and majnu who got picked up in the park last week and have been tolerating shit at home about marrying this or that and then and there, and being murdered when we finally do say that we want to marry that one, then and there. Some of us lament the few spaces we have to express our love without ‘a room of one’s own’. We are also people who get stared at when we are walking together hand in hand down the street, some of us are women whose parents are finding it hard to find a groom and have been saving up all their lives to arrange our wedding and the dowry, others, men who love another and can’t say it out loud because our words of love hold no meaning that any sacraments can comprehend. Actually, we are so many of us, that the question appears greatly irrelevant.

Most likely we have met before.

Akhil can be reached on twitter at @Akhil1490

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