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Porn, For All Its Pleasures, Is Not Reality. It’s Entertainment
More from Karthik Shankar
By Karthik Shankar:
It was fifth grade; the time of hopeless misinformation and burgeoning puberty. The mornings were reserved for droning lectures that put us to sleep but our lunch hours were reserved for erudite discussions about history, art and politics. No, I kid. It was the hour when young boys discussed the topic that confounded us most – the funny feeling we got sometimes when we saw a girl.
In due course of time we turned to the most useful source of information available – porn. One morning, a classmate beckoned a group of us excitedly. We were four gawky nerds. Our friend, by dint of his slightly extended curiosity about sex, was the ‘wild one’. He told us he had found his older brother’s collection of porn on his desktop and had watched one of the videos. We had never seen our friend so animated. He broke into a stream of garbled sentences about its sights and sounds. The woman was moaning loudly. Her breasts flapped in a rhythmic motion. They were having sex. We were all appalled at our friend’s shocking lack of moral behaviour, but also a little jealous. After all, one of the qualities that define a boy at that age is sexual curiosity.
A few days later, when the friend in question’s parents and older brother were safely away, we congregated at his place. We were too young to realise how weird it was that four boys were watching porn together. That activity took an exalted tone. It was our rite of passage from boys to men.
The video started and all I remember was being disgusted. Sex looked so painful and messy. At that age, with my obliviousness to the nature of sexuality, the people in the video came off like grunting animals I had once seen in a zoo. We couldn’t believe that our parents had indulged in this repulsive act to bring us into the world. Once it ended, all of us were silent. We said our awkward goodbyes and went home. I couldn’t sleep that night because the guilt racked me.
As I grew older, I realised that watching porn wasn’t a sin. In fact, it was also a great stress reliever (that’s about the classiest way I can put it). Every year added a few notches of awareness and porn viewing slowly became part of our ritual as teenagers. We used to exchange videos, debate the hotness levels of the women in Naughty America videos and discuss those close calls – when parents walked into the room at inappropriate moments.
This dissipation of guilt was also accompanied by a deeper understanding of porn once I got into the age of relationships. I realised that it was far from a realistic depiction of sex. Not all women maybe ready and willing to have sex in an elevator or perform oral sex at the man’s beck and call. Moreover, women in porn generally have giant breasts, tiny waist sizes and Brazilian waxes. It’s very much a romantic fantasy catered towards men, not unlike those Anne Hathaway romantic comedies that teenage girls like.
Moreover, my penis does not resemble the members I’ve seen on-screen, which seem to have a life of their own. I spent part of my childhood worried if my penis was the right size because porn had normalised large sizes as the benchmark. Not to mention the ones on screen were erect all the time. If porn has unrealistic depictions of women, it also reinforces standards of masculinity, which we, as men can’t live up to.
Porn also unfortunately creates a stark racial fantasy. Most middle-class Indian boys are reared on porn that features white men and women. I had a heterosexual friend once tell me that he didn’t watch porn if it had a black man in it, even if he was watching for the woman. It was easier for this Delhi bred boy to put himself in the shoes of a white male than a black one, even in partaking in such ludicrous fantasies. I also wonder how many young men in India have formed their primary impressions of white women based on the porn they have watched. It’s not correct to conflate the play acting of porn with the likes of an entire race of people but like porn, a lot of men, for reasons that are extremely debatable, are fantastic at categorising women into good girl, slut, bitch and aunty.
It’s only natural that all of us turn to porn as a source of information. We have few platforms to discuss sexuality in India, least of all with teenagers. This is a country where a majority of schools don’t have ‘sex education’ classes. Even in classrooms, students’ natural curiosities are shut down with either avoidance or curt responses by teachers.
Moreover, female sexuality is still taboo. The few times it is discussed in school by female teachers, boys are sent out. Don’t boys also have a right to know what changes are taking place with the other gender? Puberty is a time of shared concerns. Openly discussing masturbating and menstruation will only engender mutual support and respect.
Ultimately, we are failing our young generation by leaving them to uncover such information covertly. Porn for all its pleasures, is not reality. It’s entertainment. Using it for education about sexuality is like looking towards Dabangg for information about the Indian police force! And if our young men traipse around and expect a woman saying no to actually mean ‘yes’, it’s because we have left all the edifying to videos with titles like ‘Indian aunty hot sex’.
[alert type=yellow ] Do you think porn is one of the sources of information on sexuality for young people? Is that information reliable and accurate? What other sources do young people refer to for such information? [/alert]
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Dark Knight
Porn is responsible for rapes all over the world. It is a filth that has gripped society and hooked many youngsters on masturbation.
According to Dr. Dio Louis, conservation of semen is “essential to the strength of body, vigor of mind, and keenness of intellect”.
Dr. E. P. Miller affirms that voluntary or involuntary loss of seminal fluids leads to a waste of a lot of energy.
Philosopher Nietzsche affirmed that “semen is the substance able to give life to a human being, its composition contains the largest amount of nutrients, vitamins, and essential compounds that the body uses on a daily basis.”
It takes blood to make semen so people who masturbate frequently can become anemic. You get anemia when you don’t have enough red blood cells. This makes it difficult for your blood to carry oxygen, causing unusual tiredness and other symptoms.
PRIYA
Is there any peer reviewed scientific evidence for the above claims regarding semen and its conservation? Where are the studies and experiments being conducted?
Ducard
There is only one direction to go when you choose to look at porn and that is in the downward spiral. You can only stay at the same level of viewing so long before your body is no longer satisfied and needs something more harsh or graphic to be satisfied. Over time a man needs “stronger” porn to get the same arousal. It’s very much like a drug addict needing more of a drug to get a high, and the same brain process is responsible for both addictions. The need to escalate eventually results in the man needing to view horrible things like bestiality or rape, or the same kind of porn must be consumed in larger and larger quantities.
Dark Knight
In a study of convicted child molesters, 77 percent of those who molested boys and 87 percent of those who molested girls admitted to the habitual use of pornography in the commission of their crimes.
A former Playboy bunny, Brenda MacKillop states, “My first association with Playboy began in childhood when I found Playboy as well as other pornographic magazines hidden around the house. … This gave me a distorted image of sexuality. … I never questioned the morality of becoming a Playboy bunny because the magazine was accepted into the home.” Brenda continues, “Playboy is more than a pornographic magazine with pictures of naked women. It is a philosophy that enticed me to throw aside my ethic of no premarital sex and no adultery and to practice recreational sex with no commitments”
….As for the serial rapist Thomas Schiro, psychologist Frank Osanka states that such was the strength of his addiction that “he could not achieve an erection in any sexual act unless he coupled this desired behaviour with viewing pornography. He would often place centrefolds next to the head of his [rape] victim and demand that she lie perfectly still” (p.106).
What a cruel but appropriate irony: pornography extinguishes the very desire it ignites!
http://lifeministries.org.au/pamphlets.php?content_id=62
PRIYA
“As for the serial rapist Thomas Schiro”
Serial rapist? Where did you get the idea that Schiro was a “serial” rapist? He was convicted of the rape and murder of one victim, not multiple victims.
http://www.murderpedia.org/male.S/s/schiro-thomas.htm
Green Lantern
It’s harmful to both men and women, and is becoming increasingly more so. Also, the porn itself is really starting to get out of hand, it’s becoming more violent, degrading, and darker than ever. It has become more toxic and potent for young men to become drawn into and desensitized to. A lot of it these days openly promotes misogyny of seeing women as only sexual objects, and not considering them as people, sexually and psychologically mistreating them and bragging about it. Some of it sends a pretty frightening message to young men about women. I know, because I watch that porn, and I like it.
There’s a lot of porn promoting a dynamic of male domination and female subordination. A lot of “punishing” girls, themes of domination, power, control, humiliation, degradation, dehumanization, sexual violence, sadism, “liking” abuse, misogyny, referring to women as whores, sluts, and bitches. – Not only are these women actually in the porn being put through terrible abuse, but it also hurts women in the real world who will become subject to it as a result.
A lot of young guys your age will start off by watching that porn, and that’s where they’ll get their first and lasting impressions and ideas about sex and women. That is a bit scary, because many of them will go on to subject young women in the real world to that kind of behavior and treatment and not even see anything wrong with it. These standards get instilled into minds, and suddenly any girl who won’t fulfill them becomes uninteresting. It puts pressure on young women to accept it, being told that’s it’s normal and expected of them, living up to the degrading standards that have been set by the porn industry and taught to guys. This is not good for women’s general health, self-esteem, self-worth and such.
TempleTwins
I bet you’re against pre-marital sex too, you also know that women can file 498a and n number of ways to ruin a mans life by using court of law within the institution of marriage. So marriage is toxic for men, pre-marital sex is immoral and if porn too is harmful, do you expect men to have no sexual gratification at all? I’ll tell you what, porn (which is available for free) is the best way to take care of your carnal needs and it helps avoiding spending too much time and energy to be one those guys whom women can pick and choose from.
If you rub one out, you don’t get to think of any woman throughout the day, where you can invest in making money, work or anything you’re passionate about. The need for sex is natural, but society had made it in such a way that need is transnational which would benefit women more than men, like Arthur Schopenhauer put it ‘With girls, Nature has had in view what is called in a dramatic sense a “striking effect,” for she endows them for a few years with a richness of beauty and a fulness of charm at the expense of the rest of their lives; so that they may during these years ensnare the fantasy of a man to such a degree as to make him rush into taking the honorable care of them, in some kind of form, for a lifetime–a step which would not seem sufficiently justified if he only considered the matter.’
So consider the matter, think about how liberating it can be, I think you may like Mia Khalifa, she’s from Lebanese and no1 porn star currently.
In a study of convicted child molesters, 77 percent of those who molested boys and 87 percent of those who molested girls admitted to the habitual use of pornography in the commission of their crimes.
In a study of convicted child molesters, 77 percent of those who molested boys and 87 percent of those who molested girls were right handed too, it’s crazy I’m handed too, my friend, correlation is not same as causation.
PRIYA
“A lot of young guys your age will start off by watching that porn, and that’s where they’ll get their first and lasting impressions and ideas about sex and women. That is a bit scary, because many of them will go on to subject young women in the real world to that kind of behavior and treatment and not even see anything wrong with it. ”
Is that really happening? There must be some young men reading this who since watching porn have either gotten a girlfriend or gotten married. So could you answer that question for me? Do you treat your girlfriends or wives the way women are treated in porn?
Ra’s al Ghul
Due to the blessing of porn, my wife wants me to go on for hours continuously, abuses me for underperforming, or if I am unable to try all kinds of positions she watches in porn videos.
Ducard
94% pickpockets nabbed in Delhi Metro are women
http://www.hindustantimes.com/india-news/newdelhi/94-pickpockets-nabbed-in-delhi-metro-are-women/article1-1301244.aspx
TheSeeker
Uh… how is this related to the article?
Ducard
I’m merely Ducard, but I speak for Ra’s al Ghul, a man greatly feared by feminists.
Raghav Gakhar
I think this is the most immature I have ever read. No doubt, Porn is a pleasure but we can’t forget that Porn is legalized prostitution. And Watching a lot of porn can lead to many disorders and it can make you more porn addict which has it’s own disadvantages. I would like you to watch this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ip0_bhb300
Nordstrom
Hmm, in that vid he says he stopped watching porn because of the exploitation of amateurs in it.So,by that account he should be fine with watching the ones done by professional pornstars(since in this case,they consent to the acts and its their profession they took by will)
anku
Read ur article. Indians or rather our ancestors were not prudes. They have given us sex education as an art of worship. They did intense study on this subject and written books on Kamasutra. It has been given a place of pride in places of worship. No where in the world a temple of idols with such precision have been sculpted.
One can watch it with awe and wonder and never do we feel any aversion towards these ancient forms.
Over generations history has brought about the present changes of today.
Ur right porn is exaggerated but also a sick entertainment and it is all about prostitution. The pathetic fact, as many have commented is it leads to rape and as one comment was posted discontent in marital sex. Rape has always been happening for thousands of years. War time rapes were and still are the worst.
But what is happening now is beyond words. Watching porn is not a crime as long as the person is mentally mature enough to not let it become an addiction, realize it is make believe, and does not commit heinous acts .
PRIYA
“The pathetic fact, as many have commented is it leads to rape”
Where is the evidence that porn leads to rape?
PRIYA
“It was easier for this Delhi bred boy to put himself in the shoes of a white male than a black one, even in partaking in such ludicrous fantasies.”
Maybe it was easier for him to put himself in the shoes of the black male (since his skin tone is closer to his) and that is why he preferred watching white male porn actors – so it would be a FANTASY.
“Moreover, female sexuality is still taboo. The few times it is discussed in school by female teachers, boys are sent out. Don’t boys also have a right to know what changes are taking place with the other gender? Puberty is a time of shared concerns. Openly discussing masturbating and menstruation will only engender mutual support and respect.”
You’re very naive if you think girls discussing masturbation and menstruation openly with boys (or other girls) will engender only mutual support and respect. That’s kids you’re talking about. They laugh and joke and tease and make fun of and bully each other over the smallest things so imagine what the open topics of menstruation and masturbation will “engender”!
Aditya Jha
I have no problem with porn, but the kind of porn which i cannot tolerate is – rape porn,child porn,bdsm,deepthraots,etc etc.
Now lets talk abt the thing which matters a lot to our society, all most all of the indian men whom i know who watch porn have told me that they prefer the *indian homemade* category,
and this is pretty dangerous. there are thousands of such mms videos which were made by perverted men of their sexual acts with their partners.
Now the problem is that once such a video is uploaded on any porn website, it becomes viral, thanks to the soaring demand of such category.
It ruins the poor woman’s life.It exposes her like nothing else..that is somethign which we shld be worried abt.