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“I Am The Son Of A Female Porn Star, Ask Me Anything”

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By Sanskriti Pandey:

When a certain porn star Kimi Lixx’s son, offers to host his own Ask Me Anything session on Reddit, you know things are about to get strange. When you discover that Kimi Lixx has 6 children, you only gape at what you just read. Yes, who would’ve thought – porn stars may have children. Yes, their children may even tread into social media and invite seemingly unceremonious questions like, “Does he always think of it (the pornography profession) in a ‘my mother’s a whore’ context?

The discourse towards normalising the idea of pornography and its consumption is complicated and labyrinthine. In fact, it is a story of mired moralities, falsified hyperboles, feminism, and sexuality. But that aside, quite possibly, you’ve catalysed India’s rise to the 4th position in terms of traffic towards Pornhub – internet’s not-so-veiled territory! If names like Lisa Ann, Brandi Love, or of course, Sunny Leone rouse your attention, here’s an engaging train of thought to mull over:

Porn stars are real people with actual off-camera existence.

porn

Ever pondered about the life of a porno actor before or after they decided to enter the explicit world of nakedness and sex? Ever wondered how they feel about having themselves being masturbated to by millions of people? What piqued my interest was that ‘Ask Me Anything’ sessions are voluntary plunges into actual idiosyncratic experiences that are characterised by their confessional and candid nature, and so I decided to traverse through the AMAs of porn stars. Here are 7 things I found:

(The following observations don’t represent the lives of all porn stars homogeneously; they are based on isolated and individual experiences of a few.)

1. Contrary to popular belief, porn stars aren’t always forced into pornography out of financial crunch. Many may have walked into it out of sheer fancy!

Australian porn star Ryan James started working as a topless waiter before he realised that porn was turning out to be a career path he really enjoyed. Whether they are like Dani Daniels who just wanted to get paid to have safe sex, or like retired porn star Jesse Rogers who began with the simple urge to model naked, some porn actors may have only had a day, as opposed to money problems, when they just looked into their naked selves in the mirror and decided to star in porn. In fact, like one Trinity St. Clair says about dream jobs: “I’m doing it.

2. Porn stars don’t necessarily suffer creepy advances in public places; many are received well by fans and are respectfully spoken to.

Here’s a hilarious imaginary possibility – what if you spotted a person on the street and wondered out loud about where you’ve seen them before, only to realise that it was only last night? Would you stutter and spurt, or would you go all, “Hi, big fan”? Common pornography viewers seem to have respectful demeanours while greeting their clandestine fantasies walking fully embodied out in public. While they may hesitate to take autographs or get pictures taken, they are generally cordial to porn stars!

3. Porn stars don’t always have “the best” sex in personal quarters – filming porn continuously affects their sex lives in different ways.

Is there anything like too much sex? Apparently, yes. Adult star Kasey Chase actually had the positive significance of sex diminished in her life after getting into the porn business. However, she “fell in love, and the connection (she had) with this man conquered (her) insecurities.” Confirming the reverberations of the job on personal sex life, Jesse added that there may even be biological reasons for a female, considering that “girls are a little more “tender” and get sore.”

4. Some porn stars are married or have partners. Some families of porn stars may be even be supportive of their profession.

As of last year, porn actress Kelly Madison had been with her husband for 14 years, and what’s more, he was her co-worker in the porno industry! And when it comes to the family, as long as they don’t “put it in their faces”, the kinfolk of porn stars seem to be (more-or-less) on terms with the line of work. Let’s surprise you; one student’s professors and classmates from her University not only knew about her alternate profession in porn, they were also sensitive about it. In the relationship area, although some actors may harbour insecurities surrounding the debate of monogamy, they do need and cultivate real romantic relationships like most of us do.

5. Porn stars have sexual preferences that may or not match their requirements on screen.

It has got to cross your mind one time or the other – does gay porn necessitate that the performance actors are gay? Some, like Dani, may get to choose and approve of their screen partners, but the liberty is not everyone’s. When a person remarked about most women porn stars seeming bisexual in their videos, Kelly replies that not all of them are so. She says, “Some girls don’t do girl on girl at all. Some are just gay for pay.” It seems like while porn stars obviously have their own sexual predilections and orientations, it rests on personal choice and circumstance if they flout preferences or put their foot down!

6. Porn stars need to get checked for STDs and STIs regularly.

Porn stars may just be the sexually safest people out there. Or are they? “Adult performs (sic) are required to test every 14 days, sometimes even sooner depending the company…. Women and men are both extremely aware of their sexual health in my business, it’s how they live and make money so it is a first priority!” sums up Tasha Reign. But, like Kasey points out, one may contract something the day after their negative results on tests, thus rendering the testing method not so fool-proof and quite scary.

7. Some porn stars retire and pursue other aspirations, and many enjoy other hobbies like common folk do.

It may sound achingly obvious, but porn stars read books and watch movies like you and I do. When a woman rattles of the name of some 60 titles when asked what her favourite movie was, you know she knows what she’s talking about. If Kelly seems to be really into movies, Ryan is a gamer when off shooting. Kasey would be a therapist/drummer/stunt woman if not an adult performer, Dani is an artist, and Trinity once wanted to be a child life specialist in Psychology. Like you and I, you may (not) find porn stars tucked in their pajamas watching their favourite TV shows or mapping out a career!

Impersonalised accounts of the porn industry, or lack thereof, often leave no room for the normalisation of discussions around pornography and its rampant but secretive consumption. Humanisation in the talk surrounding actors in porno movies and videos may, then, facilitate a dialogue around porn and make accessible the experiences of a profession often looked down upon but ruefully taken advantage of.

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  1. Jigsaw

    The core of this article is deplorable for any civilized society. The only reason India ranks high on porn usage is because of India’s population, not percentage of users or viewing time. Secondly, if acting is porn is normal by any standards, how are children of pornstars supposed to see their mothers, and what are they supposed to think of her profession, while they know that she gets fucked by a dozen men everyday? How would you feel if your mother was a pornstar?

    1. Harjeev Singh

      Well Hello Mr.Jigsaw
      Let’s just ignore the ignorance in your comment and not judge you. Oh wait! That seems to be your thing, ‘Judging’ people.
      It’s funny how large populations seem to be an excuse to you jigsaw. The author has neither glorified pornography or condemned it. She has merely shown us something we’ve probably always thought about but never quite understood ; and I quote “The following observations don’t represent the lives of all porn stars homogeneously; they are based on isolated and individual experiences of a few.” How a porn star’s kids feel about their mother’s profession is something their mother would obviously have discussed with them. Your God’s or mine, neither gave us the right to Judge fellow humans, even our parents for that matter. Oh, and let’s not begin to address your sexist narrow-mindedness . Why would you assume the said children of a ‘male’ porn star will be okay with their “Father’s” profession?
      Geniuses like you read articles like these to find some ‘exciting sexual content’ and when none is found, go ballistic and lash out at writers who, fyi, won’t care a dime about what someone like you thinks.
      To the author and YKA, I say, carry on guys! You’re awesome, and barring the stuck up and judgmental chauvinists and sexists of our nation, we all love you!

  2. Sid

    Now, now, Mr. Jigsaw. I am pretty sure you have choked your chicken watching one or more of the ladies mentioned above. If that is normal, my good man, then why is doing it not so? It is a profession, some simply like it. And you are confusing civilized with hypocritically prudish. More to your point, the kids are supposed to view their mom as a mom, that’s it. You can leave the rest to the moms concerned. They choose to have kids, they will probably be mature enough to explain why Mommy is a pornstar.

    1. Vaibhav Chaturvedi

      It’s a trend these days to ‘not judge.’ Yes, it can be avoided when it comes to petty issues, but you can never excuse everything. You cannot say ‘don’t judge’ if someone murders a 5 year old for instance, can you?

      He made a very valid point stating that how would you feel if your own mother was in the business? I shouldn’t judge and draw conclusions, but think about it.

      Meanwhile, Let’s take a moment to reflect on what porn is. What is it other than digitalized prostitution? People who get paid to not only have sex, but also to upload it. Worse than prostitution, I’d say. If I paid someone to beat the shit out of him, would it be genuine? How legit does that sound to you? Because it isn’t.

      Also, lets talk about porn. How many straight men do you think get dragged into gay porn just because of the money? Search it up sometime. Meanwhile the other guy talks about male chauvinism and sexism, have you ever seen Mia Khalifa giving a blowjob with a hijab? you definitely must have seen some gangbangs here and there. Truth is, Porn isn’t sex. Sex is a lot more sensual, no, majority of porn is fucking. Fucking girls here and there, this way and that way. BDSM, torture, hardcore, deepthroat. Majority of porn only and only objectifies women, nothing else. And this man here talks about male chauvinism, while defending the biggest promoter of it.

      Stop trying to look up to porn as a work that should be respected, because it really isn’t. You wouldn’t really hold your head high if your father was a rapist or brother was a murderer and announce it out loud. Definitely, pornstars do have lives like everyone else and their work definitely doesn’t undermine their character as a person, but working in porn isn’t something to be proud of. It’s disgusting.

  3. Mysterious

    Awesome article it provides lots of info which we didn’t know about. Good job ^.^

  4. Aftab

    Hi I am aftab from mumbai I am interested in porn movie acting
    My hight-5′-7″
    Age-31
    Bodylanguage-avrege

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

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Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

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MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

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A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

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Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
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