[Y]ral: The Secret To Desire In A Long-Term Relationship

Posted on May 22, 2015 in Society

By Sanskriti Pandey

A quote in a movie I recently watched unnerved me greatly: “Fantasies have to be unrealistic, because the moment, the second that you get what you seek, you don’t, you can’t want it anymore….This is what Pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness. Or why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill. Or be careful what you wish for. Not because you’ll get it, but because you’re doomed not to want it once you do.

So what is it about desire that we want it to be sustained and everlasting? What is it about long-term relationships that makes us want to have committed sex but also have that element of unceasing want, and lust, and surprise? “Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity; but give me transcendence, give me mystery, comfort and awe – all in one!” is what we want. In her very thought-provoking TED Talk, one woman talks about why people want their partners to give them the traditional values of marriage like companionship and belonging, but also be their best friend, their confidante and their passionate lover. Esther Perel traveled the globe and asked people questions in novel ways to understand the secret to desire in long-term relationships. What she discovers in the responses is an interestingly contradictory relationship between love and desire. Interested in long-term relationships or in one? Watch this for some great insight!


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