By Pamela Eapen: 

How many times have you listened to ‘Dear Future Husband’ and cringed? If you haven’t heard it yet, check it out.

I’m going to tell you why your knee-jerk reaction was completely uncalled for. I’m going to tell you why it obviously isn’t an anti-feminist song.

1. It shows that women are strong, put-together individuals
Totally. But we’re also prone to hysterical fits and need men to comfort and protect us from ourselves.

2. It teaches us that we don’t need men to validate us
But he should still totally tell us that we’re beautiful every night, or nobody’s getting any.

3. It tells us that looks or superficial values don’t matter
… actually wait, no. They do. See #2. Also, physical weakness is a deal-breaker. Otherwise how’s he going to carry all our shopping bags?

4. It shows us that women don’t have to conform to stereotypes
Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen? Girl, please. We can wear leather dresses and be fabulous in that kitchen. (Of course, we don’t actually have to clean the floor efficiently. It’s all really just for show.)

5. It tells us never to accept less than we as women deserve
And that is dates, flowers and pizza at the requisite times, and more time with our families than with his. Any less than that and we’re breaking up.

6. It shows us how to exert our feminine power
If he doesn’t do everything stipulated in #5, we reserve the right to withhold cuddles. And all our “special lovin“.

7. It promotes equality in a relationship
If he cooks the food and opens doors for us and submits to our every whim, we’ll buy the groceries.

8. And finally, it shows men how to treat women with respect.
Basically, he needs to accept the fact that we’re female and he’s male, which means we’re right and he’s wrong – and there’s nothing he can do about it. Suck it up, husbands.

See? You just misunderstood what she was trying to get at – that the patriarchy is still very much in effect and that women really shouldn’t be straining themselves to do all the things men do, because it’ll hurt our delicate brains and upset our tender emotions.

… wait, what do you mean “that’s not feminism“?!