‘I Thought I Was The Most Satisfied And Happy Boyfriend In The World. But, I Was Wrong’

Posted on July 22, 2015 in Bear No More, Domestic Violence, Taboos

By Rakesh*:

Falling in love is the best thing that can happen to anybody. I fell in love with a junior from my college. Purbi (name changed) was everything I was looking for – beautiful, smart, eloquent and outgoing. Within a few weeks, I asked her out for a movie-cum-dinner date and because things were going so well, we started dating that night itself.

Slow But Steady

Our relationship seemed quite normal, and like that of any other couple in the beginning. Hanging out together, strong emotional attachment, great physical intimacy, weekend trips and outdoor stays. We grew inseparable within a few months. I thought I was the most satisfied and happy boyfriend in the world. But, I was wrong.

Slowly, I started noticing odd changes in our relationship. Intimacy was replaced by exhausting fights, daily greetings by doubts and mistrust. It took me almost two years to realise that her possessive nature made her control my life. She had been verbally abusive and emotionally threatening towards me. And now, she had even begun throwing unnecessary fits of physically abusive rage in public places.

First Episode

I distinctly remember the first time Purbi slapped me in the middle of a busy street in Mumbai. I didn’t hit back, scream or cry. She was angry that I had helped a female friend with some work but I felt it was insensitive of her to react that way.

Soon, if I spoke to any girl, her friends or mine, she would pick a fight. She would embarrass me with doubtful questions and hurtful words in front of a group of friends. These fights would go on for a long time and end up in Purbi getting physically aggressive. Her reactions made me feel afraid of speaking to my female friends.

I would spend days just apologising and calming her down. Purbi wouldn’t speak to me properly or let me near her. She was intentionally violent. Some of my friends tried counselling her, but nothing worked to change her attitude.

From Bad To Worse

Soon fighting became an everyday routine. To patch things up I asked her to spend some time at my house one day. But within a few hours, she started looking for excuses to swear at me. Arguments got heated and she ran into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and cut her hand. She threatened to hurt me as well. I immediately called my parents and asked them to attend to her.

My parents, petrified by what they had seen, asked me to immediately break all ties with her. I still loved her but I knew that I had to act. After days of stress, I mustered up the courage to break up with Purbi. I didn’t want any major accident hurting either of us, but a calm conversation and that would be all.

A Closure

I went to meet her at a café, well prepared to receive a bad reaction. She was angry that I had not arrived on time and started verbally abusing me as soon as I reached the café. I had asked a few friends to join me for support. She ill-treated them for encouraging me. I finally told her that I was giving up on her. She got furious.

Her antics wouldn’t help her that day. I had made up my mind. I was putting an end to the torture. I wasn’t comfortable or happy with the relationship. I had lost weight and fell sick often. I had started feeling depressed and lonely. Putting an end to this negative relationship was important for me to get better.

Soon after my break-up, I left Mumbai and started living in Goa. Life is getting better and I am happy that I stood up against my suffering.

*Rakesh (name changed) is a 25-year-old businessman in Goa.

Were you abused by your partner too? Share your experiences in the comments section below.