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8 Signs That Tell You If You’re In An Abusive Relationship

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By David Jennings

My pillow was perpetually soaked in tears. For a week, my entire body was frozen. I had blood clots in parts I was ashamed to show. This is what he did on a recent Sunday morning – I was beaten black and blue, again, for not booking movie tickets. The price I paid for not watching a movie was rampant swearing and a lot of physical abuse.

I am an unnamed victim of domestic abuse by my ex-boyfriend.

Not all abusive relationships are necessarily violent. But control, jealousy, coercion and isolation are all signs of abuse. The best thing you can do for yourself is to avoid such relationships altogether – or, if it’s too late for that, escape an existing relationship before it goes too far.

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1) If You’re Afraid Of Your Partner, It’s Time To Leave

Violence is the most obvious sign of abuse. Moreover, threats of violence can be just as bad as physical violence and should be regarded as foreshadowing future abuse. If your partner ever becomes physically violent, the relationship should be terminated immediately. Adopt a zero tolerance policy for intimidation. No matter how much you love your partner, if you’re afraid of them, you have a problem.

2) Verbal Abuse Is Still Abuse. No Two Ways About It

Verbal abuse is abuse and should not be tolerated. If your partner constantly criticizes you or says cruel things to you, insults you, curses, calls you ugly names, or uses your vulnerabilities to hurt you – this is abuse.

3) Your Partner’s Mood Swings Are Not Your Fault

The inability to predict your partner’s behaviour, or uncertainty as to where you stand in relation to them, is a sign of abuse. If your partner undergoes severe mood swings – being gentle and caring one moment and threatening and angry the next, then trying to make you believe these mood swings are your fault, that if you just did something differently they would be a more gentle and caring person – then there’s a problem. You will end up staying with them, hoping for the side of them you love while spending most of your time being hurt by someone who cares little about you and your feelings.

4) If Your Partner Demands You ‘Change’, That’s Cue To Leave

Coercion often begins as soon as your relationship does, with pressure from your partner to become more involved with them at a pace faster than you are comfortable with or ready for. Granted, sometimes your partner may feel more for you sooner than you, but if they are disrespectful, trying to force you into something you’re not ready for, this should set off alarm bells. Later, such coercion may lead to demands that you change things about yourself that they don’t like, and then forcing you to do things you don’t want to do – anything from how you spend your time together to what clothes you wear. Such coercion is a sign of emotional manipulation and abuse.

5) Keeping Tabs On You Always Is Not Cute, It’s Controlling

A little jealousy is cute at times, but it can easily morph into something ugly. A possessive partner may make you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family, will call or text you an excessive amount throughout the day and may often accuse you of flirting or cheating without reason. All of these are signs that they feel an abusive sense of possession over you. Soon, you may be asking for approval for every decision you make, and control over your own life will slip away as their power over you grows.

6) Keeping You Away From Friends Or Family, Is Abuse Too

A relationship should open your soul, not bring about an intense feeling of isolation. If you avoiding bringing your partner around friends or family because you’re afraid they will humiliate you, or if your partner has tried to cut you off from loved ones in an attempt to control your life, this isolation is a form of abuse.

7) Your Complete Dependence On Your Partner Is A Cause For Alarm

Be wary of partners who begin taking over your responsibilities in order to make you more dependent on them… Dependence means control, and a partner who attempts to control you – either physically or psychologically – is an abusive person. Does your partner often disappear at times without explanation, wreaking havoc on your mind and throwing your life into disarray? This is a sign that you have become overly dependent and that your partner is using that dependence in an abusive way.

8) If Your Partner Makes You Feel ‘Worthless’, Don’t Put Up With It

Does your partner make you feel bad about yourself, often putting you down or making you feel stupid? Have you begun to see yourself as worthless, or even crazy because of them, as though you’re the one with a problem? If you try to fight back, does your partner blame you for their behavior, claiming you’re the reason they’re acting the way they’re acting? This abusive behavior may extend to all aspects of your partner’s conception of themselves – blaming you, for example, for work problems or for their unhappy or unfulfilled lives, making you feel responsible for their failures. Don’t put up with it. Take action!

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  1. Batman

    Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Wife

    Controlling Behavior

    Abusive wives are controlling. She will control who you hang out with, where you go, where you work, what you do with your paycheck, what you wear and how often you talk to family or friends. The abuser will attempt to control you by using body language, according to DrIrene.com. She may refuse to talk to you, ignore you or sulk until she gets her way. She is also a master at controlling conversations.

    Violence

    If your wife is violent, you are in an abusive relationship. If she punches, hits and slaps you, these are obvious signs the relationship is not healthy. She may also try to kick animals, punch holes in the wall or throw things at you when she doesn’t get her way.

    Extreme Jealousy

    Most abusive wives are jealous. There are two parts to jealously. She may be jealous of you as a person or jealous when she is not the center of attention. A spouse who is insecure in a relationship is different from a spouse who is jealous each time you talk to a complete stranger. The later example would be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

    Isolation

    Abusive wives want you all to themselves. They do not want you spending time with platonic co-workers, family or friends. She would rather you be unhappy by yourself. She doesn’t want you hanging with other people in fear that they may see the abuse.

    Verbal Abuse

    If you feel you are walking on eggshells, this is probably a sign of verbal abuse. Your wife is abusive if she yells, screams or emotionally freaks out over small things. She may threaten you and will always dismiss your feelings.

    Blames Everyone Else

    She blames others. She takes no responsibility for her actions and blames everyone for anything that goes wrong. She will always find a way to blame you. If you have never heard your wife apologize for anything, you may be in an abusive relationship.

    Gaslight

    Gaslighting is “manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy,” according to The Current Conscience. The abuser tells the victim he or she is crazy or “it’s all in your head.” The victim begins to question reality.

    Unreasonable Expectations

    Your wife has unreasonable expectations. When you make a mistake, you feel there is nothing you can do to make it up to her. She won’t forgive you for your actions, no matter how small the mistake.

    Instills Fear

    Does your wife put you in situations that make you fear for your life? If she tries to intimidate you, make you feel scared, control and manipulate you to the point where you are fearful of her actions, you are in an abusive relationship.

    Can’t Handle Criticism

    She can’t handle criticism. You cannot even give constructive criticism without it backfiring. She perceives everything as negative criticism and is highly offended. But she is more than able to criticize, usually in a rude way. If you tell her she is rude, she will say you are too sensitive.

    http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/top-10-signs-abusive-wife-20830.html

    1. anna

      You just described my ex husband and you did it much better than the article that you comment ????. But I don’t deny that such women exist, I know at least one. Just your comment is not the answer for this article. The fact that such women exist doesn’t deny the fact that men abuse more often. If you want bring light to the subject write an article on that. Collect facts, talk with victims.

    2. Antifeminist

      The funny thing is as per the new societal status an ideal relationship is where the husband and wife or couples will do what ever they want irrespective of the situation or condition and if they are now allowed to do those things its called abuse… HAHAAH

      If you have kids then instead of looking for the kids if you are not allowed to go to a club or party its called abuse.
      If you are in a relationship and if one of the partner is financially suffering and if the other partner supports of if one partner depends on the other partner its considered as abuse.
      If your better half asks you if how you will live without me and if the partner says his life will be a living hell then it is also considered as abuse. One thing i realized is relationships and love will never last in this world it will be called abused.

    3. Vid

      Why u have to make any issue a gender issue. If you are so full of hatred then better see a doctor. Coz writer nowhere mentioned its a gender issue. Foolproof that Indian men are just boys in their heads.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

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Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

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MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

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The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

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A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

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biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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