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“Just A Little While Longer”: Why I Am Still Putting Up With An Abusive Partner

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By Anonymous

Note: As a part of Love Matters and Youth Ki Awaaz’s ongoing #BearNoMore campaign on raising awareness about Intimate Partner Violence, we carried out a blogathon inviting you to share your experiences and opinions. The tremendous number of responses only show how important it is to discuss the issue. This post is one of the contributions made to the blogathon. 

I met him on a social networking site. I kind of knew who he was but I knew he didn’t know me. He was charming. He was handsome. And he liked me. That “Howdy? 😀” was pretty much all it took. It started off great. He was everything I wanted. I knew he had a history of relationships that had gone wrong but he was going to be mine and I knew I’d never give up on him. Soon, I was living with him. And even sooner, I gave up on the rest of the world. I just had to be around him all the time. The kind of happiness I felt with him alone was more than I had ever felt in my life.

sad woman
For representation only. Image source: Guilherme Yagui/Flickr

I soon noticed that he was quite possessive. But I liked it. It felt more and more like he wanted me all for himself. It felt like he was falling in love with me and I was already there. Then he started prying on many aspects of my life that I didn’t want touched. My past physical relationships were something that I had never revealed and when he investigated and found out, that brought out the worst I had seen in a person.

It started 15 months ago. The beauty and purity of the relationship that I treasured from the day I found it just got lost. I blamed myself for so long. I cursed myself for not telling him the truth in the beginning. I accepted every punishment he gave me. I knew he wont trust me again for a long time but I was determined to do anything he wanted.

It started with asking me for naked pictures whenever he got angry irrespective of where I am and hurling abuses at me. It broke me. He’d call me names and he never let me go anywhere other than my college classes. He would ask me to click pictures of where I am to prove to him that I wasn’t lying. He would ask screenshots of my call logs, messages and forbid me to talk to basically any guy. I was doing all of this. I had turned into this machine who would do all these things efficiently. And when I made a mistake he would hurl abuses and threaten, initially with my pictures and then with just leaving me.

This went on till the time I was absolutely alone. He was sick paranoid about the smallest things. If I couldn’t account for even 5 minutes of my life, he’d think that I’m doing things with guys. I was realising that what was meant to be a punishment for me was turning into a sickness. My parents gave up on me. They barely gave me money since I was studying away from home and couldn’t be trusted. I started depending on him for all the expenditure whenever we met. And he never missed a chance to make me feel like a ‘worthless whore’. He complained about how I was the worst even in bed. I was broken, damaged and a dud. I didn’t have career dreams and my grades went down and I was alone and lost. This continued till I didn’t want to live any more. 12 months, this went on. I’d cry almost everyday. He’d curse almost everyday. I broke.

And then he left me. I tried my hardest. Lost my life. Didn’t have one person who would ask me if I was dead or alive. And he left because I had forgotten how to smile, laugh and be sexy. He left because I was sick. I was depressed.

When I tried to get back on my feet, I tried to contact my friends after a really long time. There was one question everyone asked me, “why did you put up with it?” I asked myself that too. It was just that little voice whispering in between my sobs, “just a little while longer.

Now he is back in my life. And it might be longer.

You must be to comment.
  1. Alice

    I know what it feels like to be totally dependent on the one person you know is breaking you from the inside every day. If he is back in your life and you are letting it be, then you need to stop. I read your post and I could see even though you don’t say it, you are asking for help. I know, they bring us to a place where we are so weak we cannot take action for ourselves, but you really really need to. The sad truth is that in life no one can save us except ourselves. You have no reason to be with him, and you will have a beautiful happy life full of possibilities, ambition and love without him. Take that step. You will find love, and you will rebuild all that you have lost. Just know that the person who is going to come and save you from all this is you. We are all with you and wish you strength. You write so well, you will surely become someone great some day. Just don’t go back into a place you know you don’t want to be in. All the best and all the love to you. Stay Strong.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

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MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

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A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

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