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Being A Woman Is Not Easy, Being A Woman In India Is Tougher
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By Avantika Debnath:
In the 30 years of my life, I have come across many real women and have witnessed their real challenges. In fact, I have been scrutinized for being what I am. I have been condemned for what I am not. I know women who were denied any assistance from government authorities because of the prejudice running against these ‘modern’ women in ‘heels’. They scan our behavior through those judgmental eyes and abhor us for our non-traditional Indian ways that do not comply with the standards put forward by the moral police.
I am just another corporate professional working in an Indian metro city. As a woman, I often feel that to pave way for the modern, independent woman, the society suspects that a skeleton will pop out any moment from their closet. And this feeling has been brought home by the very mentality of an average Indian man and in many cases even the average Indian woman. We breathe in a country where the thought process of the population gets shaped, to a great extent, by what the television presents us with. And flinches the blunder. These never ending, immortal daily soaps telecast on Indian television paints a messed up image of the modern day woman. They portray the ‘good girl’ as the one who is always draped in yards of cloth, home-bound, innocent to the point of dumbness, running to the temple and crying out her troubles in front of the idol of a deity. The clutter gets solemn when all their vamps are English speaking women in western attire. Why do these channels propagate the today-woman as the antagonist? Why can’t the pub going careerist woman be presented as the benevolent one? Let’s get candid out here, how many of us are a Parvati or Tulsi or Anandi in real lives? None. But that is what is expected out of us. The society, relatives and the in-laws want the 21st-century real woman to be a fictional character from their daily soaps. And here is where things get topsy-turvy for the real woman.
An average Indian woman, in fact, every woman is indeed the epitome of patience and tenacity. I have witnessed this numerous times in numerous ways. But her patience knows a limit too. And when the bounds of her patience are disturbed, only heaven knows what hell she can break. She doesn’t have to be a protagonist of a war, she can be just you and me. But she can do things beyond people’s perception of hers.
After testifying to such courageous so
uls’ struggle, I penned down the story of Meera in ‘The Bridal Pyre – Nainam Dahati Pawakah’. People often ask me, why did I choose Meera’s story for my first book? Why not a love story like most of the authors of my age. They ask me, is Meera someone I know? Someone close to me? I laugh. Meera is indeed very close to me, I know her like I know myself. Meera, is you, me and every other woman I see around myself. Meera is not one woman, she is a compound of all the women I have come across in my life. Meera’s life, her personality, her sufferings, have something that every woman, Indian or otherwise, has faced, at least once in her lifetime. I wanted to put an end to this suffering. I know writing a book is not a step strong enough to end the plight of the average Indian woman, but my power is limited. All I could do is write a story. But Meera is not a weak soul like me.
“I have seen such strong men cry like babies while getting a broken bone fixed. How are you bearing with this pain so tranquilly?” asked the doctor. “Maybe I am not a man, but what made you think that I am not strong?” Meera thought. She is strong indeed.
Meera’s challenges are real, the kind every woman born and raised in a third world country has to put up with. Her mistreatment at the hands of her husband, her in-laws, police departments, lawyers, judges, political leaders, goons, social workers, media houses, and every bit is real. All these were incidents that I had read in papers, seen in the news, heard from near and dear ones. And then I weaved them into the texture of Meera’s life, in ‘The Bridal Pyre: Nainam Dahati Pawakah’.
Grab your copy of ‘The Bridal Pyre: Nainam Dahati Pawakah’ today to know how Meera fought back, how she strived to bring justice to her side, or whether she got it at all. This is not a Bollywood movie where the end is always happy, this is not a Shakespearean play where the end is always tragic. ‘The Bridal Pyre’ is life, and what turns life will take, we can only guess.
‘The Bridal Pyre’ is available here.
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The Game
According to NCRB Data, there were 2,22,091 arrests related to 498A in 2013 alone. A man is arrested every 3 minutes for dowry – 98% cases are false.
From 2005 to 2008, as many as 22,000 men have ended their lives in reverse dowry harassment after allegedly being tormented by their wives. In contrast, dowry harassment has driven 6,800 women to suicide.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/chandigarh/Harassed-over-dowry-men-demand-fair-play/articleshow/5241108.cms
Since the media is bigoted and biased, it shows women as dowry victims whereas more than 3 times as many men commit suicide due to harassment from wives. The number of men victims of 498A alone outweigh all crimes against women.
Men are not seen as human beings in society, that is why we never talk about the biases that men face on a daily basis, women usurp half of men’s properties during divorces, courts give men stricter sentences for the same crimes that women commit, juries give verdicts against men in domestic disputes, women usurp half of men’s properties in divorce, men give alimony to women, misandry in the media, sexism against men, domestic violence against men, how men are locked up in false cases of rape, dowry, and domestic abuse, more than 3 times as many men die due to dowry harassment from women, domestic violence statistics do not take into account verbal and psychological abuse that men suffer from at the hands of their wives, yet we talk about violence being a woman’s issue.
A man is assaulted by his wife/girlfriend every 14.6 seconds.
http://www.chowrangi.pk/domestic-violence-against-men.html
When husbands are victims of domestic violence
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/When-husbands-are-victims-of-domestic-violence/articleshow/26031858.cms
Why are so many MEN becoming victims of domestic violence?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2518434/Why-MEN-victims-domestic-violence-Its-Britains-remaining-taboos-abuse-men-home-rise.html
A Hidden Crime: Domestic Violence Against Men Is a Growing Problem
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2010/01/30/a-hidden-crime-domestic-violence-against-men-is-a-growing-probl/
Women More Likely to Commit Domestic Violence, Studies Show
http://www.thenewamerican.com/usnews/crime/item/19133-women-more-likely-to-commit-domestic-violence-studies-show
Male domestic abuse victim: men are scared to come forward
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/30303405/male-domestic-abuse-victim-men-are-scared-to-come-forward
Neil
Only if you had read the book you would have known that the story deal with dowry problems as well as false dowry cases are also pointed out. But you were so strong under the guise of ur false username that u had to take it as offensive. I am a man and I accept loud and clear that dowry problem exist in this country. If you say it does, perhaps you have never stepped down ur cradle and seen the real world. Because I have read the book I can say it is not a blind feminist
book. And not at all hate the man, kill the man kind of story. Better read what you are spreading the hate about , else you fill just lose the game, mr. the game
Daredevil
Men constitute of the majority of suicides, majority of war deaths, majority of the homeless and unemployed, have less access to healthcare hence live ten years less than women on average, are subject to harsher punishments than women for the same crimes, also suffer from rape and DV but are not given support or protection under the law, are subject to mandatory conscription, biased family courts which throw unemployed men in jail for not paying alimony, are subject to mandatory arrest laws, are subject to no evidence laws, even when innocent and are now a minority in college education. Do women actually care about men as a gender? No. Yet there are hundreds of men out there fighting for “women’s rights” when men actually have less “rights” as such.
Meera
So are you trying to say dowry doesn’t exist in India anymore? Is that what you are trying to say? The dude who is hiding under a false name shows how courageous you are, because when u have to speak ur mind u have to take shelter under a false name.
The Game
The part in quotation marks….you must be kidding me. Looks like getting a broken bone fixed must be like drinking cough syrup. The reality is, broken bones are always fixed under anesthesia, and if for some reason it is performed without anesthesia, there are no words to describe how excruciatingly painful and horrifying it can be. And you have highlighted it to degrade men! Yeah sure, no problem, just getting a broken bone fixed.
Meera
I had gotten a broken bone fixed in my full senses. Any more questions? and I am not hiding my identity under a false name. Have any further queries? write to me at reachoutmeera@gmail.com