The Story Of A Sexual Abuse Survivor: Protecting My Sister And Saving Myself

Posted on October 13, 2015 in Child Sexual Abuse, My Story, Taboos

By Kiah:

Trigger warning: This post contains graphic content.

I remember my childhood as a time that was no less than a festival, filled with love, laughter, joy, toys, chocolates, friends, games and more. But something was not right. I can still feel the chill of the dark night, a piece of cloth in my mouth and my own muffled screams. When it all started, I don’t remember, but it will always be a grim chapter of my life.

Child abuse

I am a victim of child sexual abuse. I was abused by someone who was really close to the family.

During summer holidays, when everyone returned home, I returned to my hell. Those 40 days of summer vacation were filled with physical pain and mental agony. Whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I was disgusted. My body, my face everything made me remember him. I hated myself. I wanted to ask for help from my family, my friends, anyone who could help. I was scared and confused.

Whom should I tell? Who will help me?”
No one”, that’s what he said. “Who would believe you?” he mocked me.

And the hope was shattered like a bubble. “Please help me“, I cried these three words again and again but no one could hear me. Day after day, month after month, year after year, I learned to endure the pain, to cry without tears and to keep quiet. A girl of 9 lost her childhood. He called it love, but I knew it was wrong; he was wrong.

Eventually, he got bored of that little girl who was 20 years younger than him. Like a predator that changes its prey after devouring every ounce of the flesh, he switched to someone I cherished. His new prey was my sister.

My sister is three years younger than me. I remember well, my little sister was in her white dress looking like an angel. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to her, I would protect her”, that’s what I thought. With a voice louder than thunder, I told my sister to leave, to never go to that place again for there was a monster living in that room. My sister ran with tears in her eyes. I didn’t console her for I knew that if she cried that day, she wouldn’t have to cry again in her life.

I thanked God for saving my sister from him. When I took a step towards home, two hands grabbed me from behind into that cold, lifeless room. “No, this can’t be happening“, I thought to myself. With all the power I had, I pushed him over. “Don’t you dare touch me again. I know my parents will believe me. I am their daughter.” With these words, I ran from there, without looking back, tears in my eyes and smile on my lips for I knew that I was free. At the age of 12, I was free. After approximately seven years of hell I was finally free.

I am a bird, born with a beautiful set of wings, but I was captured, tortured and all my feathers were plucked. Before my first flight, I was brought down to the ground. When I looked at myself, I felt pain. I thought I will never fly again. But we all know that my feathers will grow back and someday I will fly.

Also read: A Parent’s Guide To Prevent Child Sexual Abuse.

Youth Ki Awaaz is an open platform where anybody can publish. This post does not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions.

If you are a survivor, parent or guardian who wants to seek help for child sexual abuse, or know someone who might, you can dial 1098 for CHILDLINE (a 24-hour national helpline) or email them at You can also call NGO Arpan on their helpline 091-98190-86444, for counselling support.