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My Parents Threatened To ‘Cut Me Into Pieces’ If I Married A Non-Brahmin Girl

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By Rahul:

I am one of the victims of a society that believes caste holds more primacy than their son or daughter’s happiness. A society that is ready to kill their daughters and sons for their false pride. I am not talking about those people who live in cities, but I am talking about most of us who live in villages and face the stigma of caste more than others.

inter caste marriage india
Image source: Wikipedia

I belong to a middle-class family. My family always wanted to give me a world-class education. Through my education, I learnt many things, and one of them was the idea that there is nothing called casteism. I soon discovered that love does not have any boundary. I started looking for a girl who can love me my whole life because that would make me happy. I trusted my intelligence when it came to making a decision for myself. I fell in love a number of times with different girls but was not able to propose marriage to any one of them. So I stopped trying. In 2013, I met a girl on a train. I fell in love with her simplicity. After a few months, we realized that we are perfect for each other, and it is time to convince our parents for our marriage. But we knew that persuading them would be difficult. My parents always reiterated, ‘marry a Brahmin or else we will cut you into pieces’. When I told them about my love, they started looking for a girl for me because they were worried that I would marry a non-Brahmin girl.

I tried to convince everyone in my family and close relations, but nobody was ready to listen to me. They started threatening me.

We started considering other options, which led us to believe that the only thing we could do was run away from that kind of atmosphere where no one was thinking about our happiness before their ego. Somehow we came up with a plan and left that place in the winter of 2014. We came to Delhi and for a few weeks stayed with one of my cousins who is also a victim of this menace. He helped us and soon I started working.

After a few weeks, we got married as per the Arya Samaj rituals.

We have to stay isolated from my whole family just because I married a girl whom I loved. I cannot give my address to anyone because if I do, there will be a problem. I looked for help from government and non-governmental organizations, but there was no one to help me. I found no law that could help people like me in this kind of a situation. Our law allows inter-caste marriage but has no provision to protect people who do marry outside their caste.

For how long can love be dominated in the name of caste and religion? After 70 years of our independence, why do we revel in thoughts like, ‘marry a brahmin’, ‘don’t marry a lower caste’, ‘they are not from our caste’ etc. We should be allowed the freedom to choose our life partners. For how long will this chaos go on? When will society take a step to finish off these evils? This social evil has destroyed many lives and unfortunately, it still continues. Today I am unable to live a normal life, just because I chose to marry for love, outside my caste.

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  1. Avi

    I can understand Rahul, it’s not an easy situation. I suggest you guys continue living life at the fullest. Please don’t expect anything from our government, they are busy in more serious issues like imposing taxes, moral policing, banning, what to eat and what not to and many more. Things will eventually fall in places. From my own experience…

  2. Avinesh Saini

    Well man, it has happened to several others. the lucky one like you escaped their families.

  3. Vid

    I applaud you for your courage. In India, there is no respect for love. Look for life somewhere else, think of moving out of this country.

    1. rahul

      thanks

  4. Vinay

    I am in the same situation right now …..that you were earlier……dont know want to do..

  5. Shantanu

    Hey Rahul,
    Firstly I want to say hats off to you. Without compromising you take absolutely a correct decision. Don't fall, always think you do the right. People don't understand you, thats their fault… You are an idol of Indian youth…

  6. Su

    same with me dude.. I am a Brahmin and love a non Brahmin guy. But the problem is my guy doesnt want to run away. he wants to marry me with my parent's permission

  7. Avi k

    Congratulatios….
    Be a loyal to each other u won't need anyone help, dnt think about that people who is thinking up done mistake…let them think.

  8. Avi k

    Congratulations.
    Be a loyal to each other u won't need help of anyone…….

  9. Shridhar

    God bless you..
    ..all the very best bro..live happily forever and ever…thanks to the lady also who trusted and belived you..hats off to both.:)

  10. Anonymous

    God bless you guys! You have been very daring in life for the right thing you did. Knowing the stress, pressure and pain you both went through, I would say hats off to your courage! Continue to have courage to pursue your dreams and live a happy married life..

  11. san

    how can anyone think of onside of the coin, after-all ur parents struggled a lot to get u to the place were ever ur. Their struggle was waste of time, their precious life gone because of u. think if u were the father and have to face the same sutiation. will u let ur child go like that……….
    Will u be happy without ur parets life long, ud’t miss them at any time.

    1. Substantial Varsha

      Dear san can you please tell me why our parents want us to study hard? want us to get the best education? and for that they struggle a greater part of their life. I believe they want us to become a better person who understands life, who can live happily and spread love and happiness. But according to your reaction I have to change my perception. I think they have struggled all their life for us so that we can marry according to their wish. According to you getting married in the same caste is the most important thing in our whole life rest of the things does not matter. All the talks of freedom and love are in the books in real life only old stagnant rituals matters.
      What would give our parents real happiness? Is it we being possessed in every lie of their notion or we breaking that notion and opening up the whole world for them to love?

    2. Shamaa Ara

      What kind of thinking is this? Are you even educated?

    3. Shamaa Ara

      @san
      So u mean to say that parents educate us just to get us married according to their choice?
      Choosing a life partner is entirely an individual’s decision. And i dont think threatening from parents side is an acceptible thing… Get urself some knowledge of humanity first

  12. sem

    same situation..but he doesn’t want to marry me without my parent’s permission

    1. Quree Chauhan

      same situation 🙁

  13. Ajay Kumar

    Yar Rahul, the same story is going with me but not from my familiy`s side that is from other side we love each other since 2008 now her perents going to merry him i tried alot things but could get passed yar tell me any idea otherwise i will not be able to alive anymore…

  14. Shailendra Singh

    If you look at the stats, only 5% of marriages in India are intercaste marriages, which gives an indication that still we are living in the 19th century…. http://wedamor.com/inter-caste-marriages-big-deal/

  15. Quree Chauhan

    we’ve got just one life to live, we have god within us, and i personally am suffering from all these caste issues, i really want to work against all this and bring a change in society. our parents are like other normal human beings, not our entire milky way galaxy, we dont have to fit in their frame of happy life in order to be happy. we have to spend our entire lives without them so it should be solely our decision to choose our partners. All they just cannot get is, that our happiness is more important to them or their false pride, honor.

  16. atanshumman

    Certainly a tragedy. You said it yourself just because you fell in love and married outside of your cast, since then living in stigma, fear and pressure. But can you answer just one question, Why? I am sure this is quick answer.
    Now, you probably don’t care what others and society think, hell i don’t care. Think about you personal fears after getting hitched. Then replace yourself with your parents and blood family.
    Can you see something. Personally I am not against the concept and idea. Everyone should have freedom to choose. But when it comes to matters like marriage fear is the main culprit. Therefore, instead of fighting your parents fight their fear and if you came out winner I am sure they have no problem. In fact I am pretty sure they are not against your wife.

  17. Akanksha Singh

    Its INDIA dear boy….. do hi cheeze chalti h yahan … ‘CASTE” N “SON” …. nt syng jst bcoz I support feminism or against patriarchy. Its bcoz bachon ko to pata bhi nhi chalta ki kab unke ander ye baatein daal di gyi… they jst knw by d time its lk ths only…. aj k youth ka trend ….3 F’S….. ( FIND , F..K, FORGET) n marry jis se mummy kahe…. caste issue to bus bahana hai…. nt only boyz ,gals r lk ths too these dyz…. CASTE IS A HUGE THING RAHUL…….. Glad to knw u hv ur brain…. lastly u sd , ” U R NT ABLE TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE “…. I didnt lk it…. u calling janta as normal…. no they r nt… I dnt wnt to go deep nw. U r nt wrong. end of d story.

  18. Hariom Singh

    Dear sir
    I and my lover love each other very we can do anything but our parents do not aggry.But they give us permition to live each other last two months. in last two monts we come so close now how can we forgot. Please help us sir.othwr wise we will die.

  19. Akshay Biswamitra

    I can understand this issue very well because being a Brahmin I am also facing this problem. the same things have been happening for the last 2 years. still I m unable to convince my parents and sisters. don’t know what would happen…

  20. Rajeev Pankaj

    Even in 2017 I had faced similar situation, my gf family didn’t agree coz I was from one of the most marginalized communities of India… Even the family who are highly educated in the society have such orthodox mindset. I had to left her after 4.5 years….. And it is quite painfully.

  21. Pratima Dixit

    Same is happening with me also…m.girl from brahmin caste and from past 2 years m trying to convince my parents….but nothing has happened

  22. Funtooz

    Yes i m also a Brahmin and same problems i m faceing ..my parents still not allows us to marriage with each other only because she is become from low cast ..that not fair becz we are independent to choose our life partner and i dont want to loss her in any way ,i want to make our world with her never want to lost her in any cunditation.. i always with her till the last breath of me .. n i she never give up for us ..in the end i only wamt to said that i lov u sagrika n i lov u forever n no one can breaking up our relation hm hmesa hmesa saath rhege .. same as LIC police ” jindgi k sath bhi jindgi k baad bhi”

  23. Sushma Gowda

    Soon I’ll fall in the same scenario

  24. Rajkumar Barik

    Same is happening with me. I belong to a lower caste and I love a brahmin girl but my family don’t want to accept brahmin girl..

  25. Pallabi Mukherjee

    Right now I am facing this problem. I belong to a brahmin family and my boyfriend belongs to a Kayestha family. His family knew about our relationship from the very first. But as I belong to a orthodox family I was always scared to let my parents know about my relation. Right now I am 22+ and my family started to think about my marriage. So day before yesterday I told my mother about my relation with my partner as my family and his family are very close. But after hearing about the relation my mother reacted so awkwardly. She is telling that she liked him as my friend only but never thought as my life partner. When I asked her for the reason she told ” First of all he belong to a non-brahmin family so all our relatives , neighbours will make fun of us for not having any control on our daughter. And secondly he works in a private sector with a salary of only 25k per month.” Now from last two days my mother is not talking to me like earlier. She told that she’ll tell my father about all these on January. My father is such an orthodox man, I don’t know what is going to happen. But my partner’s family is always ready to start a talk with my parents regarding our marriage. Can anyone suggest me something to make my parents convince?

  26. Gagan Gupta

    Intercaste is very common these days but people still face consequences. We need maturity to handle marriage problems. This doesn’t matter that marriage is inter caste or in caste. Thing that matter is love and understanding. https://bit.ly/3anxS3L

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