By Lipi Mehta:
Come October 20, India will get to see ‘Spectre’, but with two kissing scenes “cut by 50%“ and words like ‘fuck’ and ‘asshole’ removed, courtesy the Indian Censor Board. These cuts have been made on the basis of ‘profanity’, and just to clarify, the board didn’t have a problem with the kissing, they had a problem with the ‘length’ of the kissing! Filmmakers, please note, if the passion in your scenes is too real, just chop it off by half before sending your film for approval.
And just to add some more perspective, Pahalaj Nihalani, the Chairman of the Censor Board, is the same guy who gave us ‘Har Ghar Modi‘ in 2014 and recently, surprised audiences who went to see ‘Prem Ratan Dhan Payo’ with ‘Mera Desh Hai Mahaan, Mera Desh Hai Jawaan‘, which played just before the film. Nihalani has been called out by many for being a ‘propagandist,’ but he asserts that the video is about the greatness of India as a whole, and has little to do with the portrayal of PM Modi’s image.
Some might feel that the Censor Board’s decision does not make a difference to the audience the new James Bond movie is going to get, but that’s not the point. It’s hard to believe how in 2015, our Censor Board felt that these steps were necessary – at a time which is burgeoning for art and cinema, this for me, is a setback. Moreover, the situation on TV is no different, with words like ‘sex’ and ‘Jesus’ bleeped out!
It was an exceptionally eventful day on Twitter too, as users started tweeting using the hashtag #SanskariJamesBond and imagined what an Indian, Censor Board-friendly version of Bond would look like.
Here are 10 tweets that took on the Censor Board’s decision with humour and gusto.
1. #SanskariJamesBond doesn’t forget his good luck charms before and after a mission.
#SanskariJamesBond eats dahi shakkar before leaving home when he goes on a mission.
— Muskaan 😀 (@KameeniChhori) November 18, 2015
2. He knows what the real dangers are and takes appropriate precautions.
In #SanskariJamesBond Bond eats beef with a disclaimer ” This looks like meat but it is paneer”. — Baba O’Really (@TheAssoul) November 18, 2015
3. Aaj mera Mangalvaar ka vrat hai, plz.
#SanskariJamesBond – Die Another Day (because it is Tuesday and I am fasting)
— Atul Khatri (@one_by_two) November 18, 2015
4. What else did you expect?
M: James, can you hear me? JB: Sorry, the line is not clear. M: Zor se bolo… JB: Jai Mata Di! #SanskariJamesBond — Stereotypewriter (@babumoshoy) November 18, 2015
5. Ganpati Bappa Morya!
#SanskariJamesBond has a small idol of Ganeshji on the dashboard of his Aston Martin
— Atul Khatri (@one_by_two) November 18, 2015
6. #SanskariJamesBond lights up like a boss.
#SanskariJamesBond will keep a packet of goolab flavoured Agarbatti instead of a cigar. — ThakurSaab. (@HathwalaThakur) November 18, 2015
7. He is also in a Hindi TV soap.
#SanskariJamesBond Dies Another Day and gets reincarnated the next day.
— Aladdin (@Alllahdin) November 18, 2015
8. He fights this Meswak toothpaste mascot.
Left: James Bond Villain Right: #SanskariJamesBond Villain pic.twitter.com/n7IVqPE49c — Anand Ranganathan (@ARangarajan1972) November 18, 2015
9. His tilak game is strong.
#LOL #SanskariJamesBond if the censor board had its way! 😛 pic.twitter.com/Dqofe2YFp9
— Vivek Varghese (@VivekJVarghese) November 18, 2015
10. Oh, and he totally doesn’t look like himself.
Indian James Bond. #SanskariJamesBond pic.twitter.com/8HY01chkr4 — Neel Soni (@iNeelSoni) November 18, 2015
p.s. Team Youth Ki Awaaz also had some fun with #SanskariJamesBond. Take a look!
The Man With The Golden Pooja Thali @kirrat_sachdeva #sanskarijamesbond
— Anugraha Hadke (@AnugrahaHadke) November 18, 2015
.@artikaraj only if the #SanskariJamesBond lights an agarbatti, not a cigar. — Anshul Tewari (@anshul_tewari) November 18, 2015
Featured image source: Twitter