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‘Talk Dirty To Me’: Why There’s No Shame In Sexting Your Partner

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By Rohini Banerjee for Youth Ki Awaaz: 

In today’s age of growing dependency on technology and social media, even our most intimate conversations are conducted online. Hence, it is no surprise that ‘sexting’ – the conducting of sexually suggestive conversations through text messages, or through online social media platforms – has become an activity almost everybody has started indulging in, whether it be teenagers to adults.

Texting V2Just to get a sense of things, I asked two friends if they sext and if yes, why. A friend who is a young author and environmentalist responded, “Yes, I have. My ex was especially interested in knowing what I find kinky and I ended up sharing a few of my preferences and some of my fantasies. Personally, words have a lot of meaning for me. And it’s exciting to share something so intimate with a partner. Plus, texting is safe. It’s sometimes easier to just say how you feel and what you want over a text than in person, especially early on.” Another, a 26-year-old male living in Delhi who works in an MNC spoke about what it does for him, “It is an unorthodox arousal because your partner is not there in front of you. The cerebral arousal is better and more exciting than just the physical.”

Sexting then is not just “the sending and receiving of sexually explicit messages” as many see it. It is the resorting to a virtual medium to satisfy one’s erotic urges; sometimes just by exchanging messages that can, in any form, lead to sexual arousal. Though the exchange of naked photos (‘nudes’) and sexually explicit messages might be a common way of sexting, it is not the only way. Even the most innocuous of flirtatious messages can qualify as sexting if they lead to sexual stimulation. While in some cases, phrases like “what are you wearing” can do the trick, in others, nudes or “sexy talk” can be the stimulus.

Why Do We Sext?

In a study conducted by the journal ‘Cyberpsychology, Behaviour and Social Networking’, many people said that the reason they sext is to “feel sexy” or to flirt more easily. Therefore, though on many occasions sexting leads to the satisfaction of a sexual urge, that is not the sole reason why people engage in this activity. It can be the product of a desire to explore one’s body, or to explore the act of sexual arousal or orgasming itself. It can also be a way of bolstering one’s sexual confidence.

However, the simplest and most basic reason behind sexting is often instant sexual gratification. When physical sexual contact is not easily available, say in a long-distance relationship, then sexting becomes the go-to solution, for purposes as varied as uncomplicated flirtation to the relieving of sexual tension or masturbation.

The Cons Of Sexting: Revenge Porn

‘Revenge Porn’—the distribution of nude or sexually explicit messages of a person without their consent—is perhaps one of the biggest downsides of sexting. If, by any chance, the person you are sending these nude or sexually graphic images to decides to spread them around social media without your consent or discretion, it can cause some major distress. In fact, as a result of revenge porn, many of those who have been subject to it have lost employment prospects, been socially ostracized, or suffered from some grave mental or physical trauma. So yes, sext, but with caution. Trust here, is key.

Sexting, as yet another means of achieving one’s sexual fulfilment, is then not something ‘unhealthy’ or to be guilty of. In fact, instead of shying away from admitting that you sext, or want to sext, one should challenge the stigma and moral judgements associated with it. Every individual should be in full control of the means with which they achieve their sexual gratification, and if that is via sexting, then why should anybody question that? If you want to send that nude photo or flirtatious message to your sexual partner, just go ahead and do it. Revel in your sexuality, whether it be through a digitized platform, or otherwise.

You must be to comment.
  1. G.L.

    Yet another feminist trying to spread lewdness and nudity. The truth is, desire increases the more you indulge in it, and is harmful for the mind and soul. Another problem is the increasing number of false cases of rape and harassment by women with whom men foolishly get involved in, online or otherwise.

  2. Batman

    You want to talk dirty, go ahead, but don’t pollute society with your diseased thoughts.

  3. The Hulk

    Instead of teaching people to live a life of purity, they promote sex. Thoughts shape destiny. It all begins in the mind. Poor choices have deadly consequences. Free sex means we have to accept fornication. Nothing wrong with that. Free sex means we have to accept adultery. It means we have to accept homosexuality. All of those things have to be redefined as honorable and loving expressions. As long as there’s love, we hear, it’s okay. Everything is for sex, everything. And it has corrupted our culture to the core. The family, the home, the place where unselfish love is learned is a disaster of sexual promiscuity on every front. We have a whole society geared to take whatever they want with no heart to give. Take your sexual fulfillment, if you don’t like the consequences, kill it (abortion). Take and if you get AIDS, elevate your punishment to a symbol of courage, become a hero. Take your sexual activity and when you’re tired of the one you’re taking from, discard that one and go take from another one. Our society is absolute obsessed with sex, and with it is the death of any normal reasonable understanding of love.

  4. Daredevil

    There is no such thing as a partner. Either you are married or you are not. Either you have a spouse or you don’t.

  5. Mi

    Here in this comment box, i can see guys who don’t have a original name supporting Sext. no surprise

  6. Vid

    Unnecessary article. Any normal person sext with her/his partner. Well, till now I did not know it was even an issue. You cannot teach people how to choose a trustworthy partner with whom you can sext. Anyway, the best thing is to be on the safe side.

    P.S. Whenever I read any article, I see some bunch of people posting the same feminism, false rape etc. stupid comments irrespective of the content of the article. If you are so frustrated then this site is not for you. Better seek medical help. Editors should pay attention to this matter.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

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Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

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MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

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A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

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Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
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