It took me a really long time to admit that I loved having sex. Lots of it. With a large number of people. Much like a lot of us, I was brought up believing sex was ‘dirty’ and ‘shameful’. When I made my sexual debut, I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I ‘gave up’ something a future partner might have liked. But I couldn’t stop myself from having sex either since it made me feel so good. I was conflicted. And despite being a highly haphazard, conflicted individual still, at least I’m entirely at peace with my sexuality. And I can openly admit to most people who want to know (and who I know won’t ruin my life because of this fact) that I do indeed have a lot of sex, and enjoy it.
There are so many negative perceptions surrounding casual sex, some of which may have some truth to them, but grossly exaggerated because of society’s desire to police our genitals. Here are a few.
True, the chances of acquiring STDs may be increased because of a larger number of partners, but it is absolutely not a definitive causative factor. As long as you’re having safe sex – proper use of condoms, getting tested regularly and being honest with your partners, you will most likely be safe. It is possible for a monogamous couple to get an STD as well, when previous partners may have infected them without their knowledge. For example, an infection like Chlamydia, also known as the ‘silent’ infection, causes no symptoms in most people infected and thus goes ignored.
I beg to differ. I like to think I’m ‘better’, simply because I’m much more aware of my sexuality and other people’s. The concept of being ‘used goods’ or having ‘loose’ apparatus has absolutely no basis in reality. Vaginas are elastic, they don’t get stretched to shapelessness. The idea of a woman’s hymen is also a huge myth, and not as common knowledge depicts it to be.
On the contrary, I have a lot of self-respect, which is why I don’t define my worth by the amount of people I’ve had sex with. And what do ‘standards’ mean to anyone, except the individual involved? I am not having sex with people I don’t want to have sex with, so yes, people I have sex with have indeed passed the bar.
Now here are some things that have enriched my life because of casual sex:
My sex partners have never made comments on my body – whether I was hairy, had tons of stretch marks, scars, I never had to worry. Because I was never made to feel unattractive for having a normal, non-polished body. I’ve grown to love my body as it is, not apologise for it or try to hide it. Sure, I still engage in some grooming rituals, but I don’t let it determine my self-worth. I’m certainly attractive enough to bring my partner to pleasure – and while a part of it may be physical, there’s parts of it that go beyond that.
Similarly, I learned to appreciate the wide diversity in the bodies of other people as well. I’ve been with all sorts – skinny, lean, curvy, hairy, blemished – and I’ve found bodies of all these types attractive. I find it thrilling to be able to explore the uniqueness of a new body type.
Know that more bodies are different from what is portrayed as the ‘ideal’ than the ones that look anything like it. Just take a look at the normal breasts gallery to see how there’s such diversity in one single part of the body!
Casual sex has most definitely improved my knowledge of myself and what I like in bed (or on the floor, or on the table). Just having a lot of sex helps. I am also much more open minded to new ideas, and more willing to accommodate the preferences of my partners. It’s an especially fair exchange in this scenario. Also, perhaps I’ve had good luck, but most of my partners have been just as interested in pleasuring me, as I have been towards them.
No one knows your body as well as you do, and no one can tell your partner about it as well as you can. The more casual sex I’ve had, the less squeamish I’ve become about discussing this, leading to a much more enjoyable experience. Since I don’t feel possessive about physical intimacy, it translates itself into being much more open with just talking things through.
Casual sex is amazing, if that’s what you want to do. Don’t let societal pressure or stigma stop you, or worse, make you think you are less of a human being just because you want to indulge sexually. At the same time, if multiple partners is something that makes you personally uncomfortable, if you are the sort of person who prefers exclusivity when it comes to physical intimacy, that is absolutely okay, and you should do only what you feel comfortable with. Just make sure you don’t judge people who make different choices about their own bodies.