By Garrima Mehra:
The fear of abandonment is not new for all of us. Sooner or later we all go through this fear, sometimes from our childhood or maybe due to the situations that occur later in life. In my case, I confronted this fear in many different ways, the feel was really crippling. It began with keeping myself away from people. I began preventing any kind engagement in any kind of relationship as I never wanted to experience that traumatic feeling of seeing loved ones walking away from you.
It was really one of the biggest challenges of my life. It all began with my childhood, although I really didn’t understand at that time, I was never close to my parents like other children but I took it as a part of growing up.
I do not want to judge others to whom this has happened, nor do I want to feel as if I was a victim. Those of us who struggle with this specific fear know that we have the tendency to not just feel the effects of our current situation, but our collective experiences of abandonment, like a tidal wave which threatens to drown us.
No one can heal us, accept ourselves. As a child I read books, scribbled and did my best to appear confident, but still struggled!
And as an adult, I get to choose. I get to choose my relationships.
The best part was to relate myself with innerself. I cried in front of the mirrors and asked myself the mistake I made, I always gave my best to friends and family. And finally decided no matter what it takes I would never abandon myself.
I vowed to stay with myself, and not allow the action of others to affect my self-worth.
The fear of abandonment stems from the unhealthy perspective of need and lack, and a true healthy and loving commitment cannot exist fully if this fear is present, like a virus in the relationship. This virus implant itself, and actively or passively, can cause even the strongest and stable relationships to implode.
It is our choice in how we react, or better yet—choose to respond. Choosing to stay centered, to do things that feel good for you, to process and listen to emotions, and to choose a perspective that we know to be true and self-loving, is how to prevent perceived wounds from becoming scars or emotional disabilities.
This is power. Real power, which no other person can take away from us.
We can choose not to abandon ourselves, to nourish ourselves in healthy ways. We can choose to recognize our own self-worth, and not allow the projections of another to take away from it.